Dave Holmes
Dave Holmes's reviews only count toward the Tomatometer® when published at the following Tomatometer-approved publication(s):
New York Magazine/Vulture
Esquire Magazine
Movies reviews only
| Rating | T-Meter | Title | Year | Review |
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When the Screaming Stops (1973) |
It will rip your head off of your neck. - Esquire Magazine
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| Posted Aug 30, 2019
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Serenity (2019) |
As a movie, I did not love it, but as a reminder to get high and do some squats, I found it useful. - Esquire Magazine
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| Posted Feb 01, 2019
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Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) |
I saw Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets the other night, and my soul just tendered its letter of resignation. I have been dazzled to death, entertained to the brink of epilepsy, and I think I might have accidentally gotten Lasik. - Esquire Magazine
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| Posted Oct 17, 2018
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Fifty Shades Freed (2018) |
The movie is just a few plot ideas thrown here and there, punctuated by sex between two people who might as well be computer-generated. - Esquire Magazine
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| Posted Oct 17, 2018
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The Emoji Movie (2017) |
The Emoji Movie is cynical, dull, exhausting, soulless, joyless, pointless, and never, ever funny. But on the other hand, I enjoy the faces of disappointed children, so for me the whole experience was really kind of a wash. - Esquire Magazine
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| Posted Oct 17, 2018
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The Happytime Murders (2018) |
It is both relentless and dull, simultaneously desperate and delighted with itself. It is exactly what we deserve, and it is awful. - Esquire Magazine
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| Posted Oct 16, 2018
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Mile 22 (2018) |
If you'd like a barrage of ear-splitting action scenes interspersed with the most tedious arguments you've ever overheard from married couples in restaurants, Mile 22 is the movie for you. - Esquire Magazine
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| Posted Oct 16, 2018
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Gotti (2018) |
Gotti is a terrible, terrible movie. Stay away from it, stugots. - Esquire Magazine
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| Posted Jun 22, 2018
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The Greatest Showman (2017) |
The Greatest Showman is absolutely full of it, but it will allow your head to cool off for an hour and forty-five minutes, which, this Christmas perhaps more than any other, might be exactly what you and your family need. - Esquire Magazine
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| Posted Dec 20, 2017
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The Book of Henry (2017) |
I feel like I've been mugged by a Decemberists song. I am confused, annoyed, and exhausted-and that doesn't mean I don't recommend it. - Esquire Magazine
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| Posted Nov 06, 2017
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mother! (2017) |
Mother! is bleak, ponderous, loud, and endless. - Esquire Magazine
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| Posted Sep 21, 2017
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Transformers: The Last Knight (2017) |
All of the characters talk in one of two ways: They're either cracking wise exactly the same, or they're holding forth in what a sixth-grader thinks a Shakespeare monologue sounds like. - Esquire Magazine
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| Posted Jul 21, 2017
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American Anarchist (2016) |
What starts as an interesting look at a man who singularly inspired a lot of violent perpetrators becomes an unnecessarily hectoring judgment of someone who's already been punished for his youthful bravado. - AV Club
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| Posted Mar 23, 2017
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