Johnny Gayzmonic
Tomatometer-approved critic
Movies reviews only
| Rating | T-Meter | Title | Year | Review |
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Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023) |
Equally adept at phenomenal action scenes and deep metaphors on what it means to be a superhero both in-universe and out, it raises the bar even higher for what a superhero film — or any animated film of any genre at all — can be. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Jun 02, 2023
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The Little Mermaid (2023) |
While it makes a harder case for its own identity more than most of the other remakes...it ultimately doesn’t rise to the level of truly essential. It’s true what they say: “Life’s full of hard choices, innit it?” - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted May 26, 2023
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Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023) |
I went into this film suffering superhero burn-out, and I came out of it with the most wonderful and comforting form of heartbreak. And I can only say thank you. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted May 05, 2023
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Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023) |
While I would have liked a longer exploration of this story and the characters, I can’t deny that is exactly the kind of D&D movie that this old, OLD-school geek hoped he’d see come to life. And I can’t wait for the next campaign to begin. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Mar 31, 2023
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Shazam! Fury of the Gods (2023) |
It doesn’t skimp on action or spectacle, but it often seems to come at the cost of narrative and overall structure...The Shazamily deserves a better film to highlight their dynamic relationship than this. Just say the word, James Gunn. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Mar 17, 2023
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Scream VI (2023) |
Scream VI isn’t the lowest point of the franchise, and it does its best to stay entertaining and visceral, but it’s still a shadow of its predecessor. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Mar 10, 2023
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Cocaine Bear (2023) |
Is it a revolutionary, meaningful, or philosophical film? Hell, no. Is it a pure, gonzo hit of adrenaline and dopamine that’ll make you forget your troubles for a hot minute? HELL, YES. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Feb 24, 2023
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Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania (2023) |
When all was said and done, I walked away feeling unsatisfied...If not for a dedicated and highly professional cast, it’s possible this film may have gotten lost inside the relentless cogs of the MCU machine. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Feb 17, 2023
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The Pale Blue Eye (2022) |
Too serious for its own good, and with a visual palette and pace that both suggests a frozen hinterland, it’s not so much a whodunit as it is a whybother. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Jan 13, 2023
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M3GAN (2022) |
We have on our hands here a new icon of the horror genre, a deliciously unholy combination of Hal 9000 and Chucky, glammed up like an American Girl Doll gone bad. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Jan 06, 2023
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Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022) |
Although Johnson’s reach slightly exceeds his grasp here, it’s extremely easy to recommend something as multi-faceted as Glass Onion. It has comedy, drama, action, mystery, and almost a dozen fantastic performances full of charm and charisma. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Dec 24, 2022
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Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022) |
While still thriving on the swashbuckling vibe of Puss’ previous exploits, this film frames them in the context of maturity and the holistic nature of our life’s path. This is a fun, exciting quest with a highly relatable, highly emotional candy center. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Dec 23, 2022
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Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio (2022) |
"By mixing a specific kind of magical realism with a very recognizable historical backdrop, del Toro gives his Pinocchio a kind of immediacy that’s as attractive as it is subtly terrifying." - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Dec 10, 2022
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Strange World (2022) |
It’s hard to shake the idea that we’ve seen so much of this before, but its bold and hypnotic visuals still make it worth seeing in a theatrical setting. It might not be the most fantastic voyage ever created, but it’s fun enough while it lasts. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Nov 28, 2022
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The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special (2022) |
Possibly the most inessential thing to ever be added to the Marvel Cinematic Universe...I'm not mad...just disappointed. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Nov 26, 2022
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Disenchanted (2022) |
It has the same desperate, sincere but flailing energy a Drag Race Rusical challenge. There’s a lot of drive to make something amazing, but the result usually comes out a hot mess that’s made watchable by the performances of a few fierce queens. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Nov 19, 2022
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Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022) |
This might be close to reaching peak potential of the MCU itself, a fantastic mix of drama, action, humor, and strength that’s far more focused on the humanity of its characters than the position of the MCU timeline. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Nov 11, 2022
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Black Adam (2022) |
It's not a perfect film, but it really wants to be...It might not win any Karma for what it does, but it’s certainly interesting to watch it try. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Oct 21, 2022
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Halloween Ends (2022) |
Halloween Ends is a cross between sloppy fan fiction and a cheap soap opera found on an obscure streaming service in the bowels of Roku’s channel list. How’s that for a pull quote? - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Oct 15, 2022
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Werewolf by Night (2022) |
Giacchomo shows us just how idiosyncratic and entertaining the MCU can be when it breaks from the formula that created it. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Oct 09, 2022
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Hellraiser (2022) |
Fascinating and hypnotic, dangerous and seductive, this is exactly what Hellraiser is supposed to be. There’s no pain here, only pleasure. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Oct 07, 2022
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Hocus Pocus 2 (2022) |
Cute, amusing, even sparkling at times, but ultimately just a glamour hiding a confused and directionless story. The Sandersons are just as wickedly entertaining as ever, but they’re done dirty by the weak and shallow script. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Oct 01, 2022
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Barbarian (2022) |
Is it as consistently gripping and scary as it could have been? No, but it does have a level of disturbing reality that soaks into the skin and lingers long after the credits have rolled. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Sep 09, 2022
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Three Thousand Years of Longing (2022) |
It represents a specific kind of metatexutalism. It’s not one of breaking the fourth wall or self-aware satire. Instead, it’s a respectful and solemn exploration of what stories mean our experience of the world. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Aug 26, 2022
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They/Them (2022) |
The uniformly talented cast does what they can to elevate the material, but Logan’s inability to balance the horror elements is more than they can handle. It’s not the queer horror film we both want and deserve, but at least they tried. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Aug 06, 2022
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Bullet Train (2022) |
I can’t hate a film that includes a Japanese cover of “Holding Out For a Hero” during its climax. This train might sometimes feel like it’s not heading anywhere in particular, but it’s one hell of a ride all the same. It’s fun, and I love it. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Aug 04, 2022
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Nope (2022) |
A grounded, even earth-bound first act drama invisibly morphs into a spinning, scifi carnival ride of a climax, dropping some remarkably well-executed horror scenes along the way. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Jul 22, 2022
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Thor: Love and Thunder (2022) |
It’s as big and bold and vibrant as you’d expect a top-tier comic book film to be and also as shallow, but the spectacle is so strong and the cast so uniformly talented that it all works. This film is peak Himbo Energy and I can dig it. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Jul 08, 2022
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The Princess (2022) |
Could The Princess have been a better movie? Yes, of course... Is The Princess a bloody good time, with all the fights, flips, stunts, and thrills that hit the brain like some Dungeons and Dragons-inspired candy? Hell yes, of course. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Jul 02, 2022
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Lightyear (2022) |
While the story might not be terribly surprising, a uniformly talented voice cast and some stellar animation help get Lightyear off the ground and into the skies. If only it could have flown just a little bit higher. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Jun 17, 2022
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Jurassic World Dominion (2022) |
What killed the dinosaurs? If Jurassic World: Dominion is any indication, they were all bored to death. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Jun 10, 2022
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Firebird (2021) |
It thrives on soft power, seeking to tell its truth through quiet emotion rather than fiery drama...When you’ve got a love story this genuine and sincere, it both earns and deserves your attention. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Jun 03, 2022
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Men (2022) |
Well. That was certainly a movie. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted May 21, 2022
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Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022) |
Raimi offers up a film that becomes deliciously twisted and macabre but ends up feeling restrained by the MCU formula...We all go a little mad sometimes, but this is an instance where we all could have stood to go just a little bit madder. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted May 06, 2022
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Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022) |
It's very much a sugar cereal on Saturday morning...Who needs nutritional value when youre having this much fun? - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Apr 08, 2022
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Morbius (2022) |
The film wants the true conflict to be between Morbius and his vampire self. Will Morbius give in to his dark side?...Let me say this again: I. Do. Not. CARE. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Apr 01, 2022
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The Lost City (2022) |
Is it perfect? Absolutely not. Is it a good time from start to finish? Oh, hell yes. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Mar 25, 2022
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The Batman (2022) |
While its action is appropriately theatrical and its mystery appropriately intriguing, in the end this is a film that lives and thrives on its thematic resonance. It lives in the brain instead of passing through it. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Mar 04, 2022
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Uncharted (2022) |
It aims high, but it settles low, and the result comes off as fairly anonymous...The series deserves better, as does Tom Holland and Nathan Drake both. It might not be a terrible way to spend two hours; just dont expect to make any new discoveries. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Feb 18, 2022
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BigBug (2022) |
Big Bug is a highly binary film. Its very much a love it or leave it kind of thing...a highly specific combination of dystiopian sci-fi, satire, and locked door existentialism. Personally, it pushes my buttons. As it were. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Feb 12, 2022
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Scream (2022) |
This is a slasher film that autopsies itself before the audience's eyes to show not only what makes it tick but to show what makes US tick. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Jan 14, 2022
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The 355 (2022) |
This is a film that delivers the package with fire and flair...as long as you don't mind a few scorch marks or cracks on it when it arrives. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Jan 07, 2022
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The Matrix Resurrections (2021) |
Despite all the elements that work - and several of them work very, very well - the thing connecting all those elements is a confused, self-centered narrative. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Dec 23, 2021
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Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021) |
This could only come about by carefully archiving, arranging, and remixing 20 years of superhero film history across multiple timelines, directors, and franchises. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Dec 17, 2021
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House of Gucci (2021) |
Let's be clear about one thing when it comes to House of Gucci: this is Gaga's show, and the rest of us are just supporting players in it. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Nov 24, 2021
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Eternals (2021) |
Although it's ultimately enjoyable, a film this epic shouldn't feel like just another step in the MCU timeline. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Nov 05, 2021
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Dune (2021) |
It cannot be stressed enough about what a gorgeous, humanistic film Villeneuve has crafted...a film that might be hard to step into but quickly becomes impossible to leave. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Oct 22, 2021
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Halloween Kills (2021) |
A lore-heavy, fan-servicing stepping stone between the first film and the next. Any narrative trajectory that might exist ends up as mutilated as Michael Myers' victims. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Oct 15, 2021
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Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021) |
There's almost no humanity to this film; it's all product. It's action figures in motion, a kind of rushed, shallow superhero film that we might have seen in the late 90s. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Oct 01, 2021
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Malignant (2021) |
One thing Malignant is not is predictable, and thank the cinematic gods for that. Wan has created a gripping, entertaining, piece of pure giallo camp. - Fanboys of the Universe
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| Posted Sep 11, 2021
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