Michael Ferraro
Tomatometer-approved critic
I like to make fun of people (especially Spider-Man fans). I also like to juggle. I like to draw pictures too. You can find those on my blog.
Orlando, FL
http://www.filmthreat.com
Movies reviews only
| Rating | T-Meter | Title | Year | Review |
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Push (2009) |
It's the kind of film you wish had no sound - perhaps the studio should have eliminated the dialogue and replaced it cue cards every few minutes like the silent films of old. - Film Threat
Read More
| Posted Feb 08, 2009
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Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009) |
...this is a masterpiece compared to anything Rob Schneider has put out only it suffers from the same form of stereotyping. - Film Threat
Read More
| Posted Jan 18, 2009
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The Unborn (2009) |
This is one film that shouldn't have been birthed. No, in fact, it should have been aborted. - Film Threat
Read More
| Posted Jan 13, 2009
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Bedtime Stories (2008) |
I've seen better special effects in Troma releases... - Film Threat
Read More
| Posted Jan 07, 2009
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Transporter 3 (2008) |
While it will no doubt end up being a let down even for the die hardest of fans, the film does contain a couple of interesting thrills here and there. - Film Threat
Read More
| Posted Nov 28, 2008
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Wristcutters: A Love Story (2006) |
Wristcutters: A Love Story is like a suicidal Wizard of Oz. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Mar 25, 2008
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Drillbit Taylor (2008) |
It's a humorless PG-13 comedy aimed at middle school kids/some high school kids. Anyone else should stay at home and watch Over the Edge instead. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Mar 21, 2008
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Doomsday (2008) |
Let's just say that I've built more climactic medieval battles with a set of Legos during my childhood. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Mar 17, 2008
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The Bank Job (2008) |
It's captivating, intriguing, and enjoyable throughout. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Mar 10, 2008
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Semi-Pro (2008) |
Semi-Pro is a bad film, even by traditional Will Ferrell standards. The jokes constantly misfire, last too long, or try too hard to disgust. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Mar 05, 2008
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The Other Boleyn Girl (2008) |
The Other Boleyn Girl is almost too indescribable for words. It's one of the most visually boring films I've seen in some time. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Feb 29, 2008
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Be Kind Rewind (2008) |
Be Kind Rewind not only reminds us why we love film so damn much, it pays tribute to those films that may have had a hand in it. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Feb 21, 2008
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City of Men (2007) |
Imagine City of God by way of One Tree Hill and you got yourself City of Men. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Feb 20, 2008
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Definitely, Maybe (2008) |
Definitely, Maybe is an explosion of sweetness and hugs that might cause your stomach to churn if you don't like your sentimentality too strong. - Film Threat
Read More
| Posted Feb 16, 2008
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Diary of the Dead (2007) |
We get that this is supposed to be from the perspective of a film major, but did Romero have to make it so painfully authentic? - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Feb 15, 2008
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Jumper (2008) |
All scribes involved understand the superhero formula rather well and have fun presenting a familiar premise (that of transporting characters) into an entertaining ride. But perhaps it's all too familiar. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Feb 14, 2008
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The Spiderwick Chronicles (2008) |
An exciting and refreshing adventure that's shorter (and less melodramatic) than another Harry Potter film. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Feb 13, 2008
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Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins (2008) |
Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins is [Lawrence's] latest starring vehicle and yet another that drowns any comedic talents he once had with a cliché plot and hollow character arcs. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Feb 07, 2008
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The Eye (2008) |
Just be prepared to suspend your disbelief a little more than usual. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Feb 04, 2008
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Strange Wilderness (2008) |
It feels more like a compilation of skits from a failed comedy show. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Feb 03, 2008
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Confusions of an Unmarried Couple (2009) |
The film has elements of Kevin Smith (Chasing Amy) and Woody Allen (Annie Hall); it just doesn't provide us with anything new. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Feb 02, 2008
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Meet the Spartans (2008) |
It aims to be a so-called spoof of 300 but only succeeds at being a commercial for idiocy. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Jan 27, 2008
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Rambo (2008) |
Rambo is exactly the film you want it to be. It has little dialogue, plenty of action, and a nice load of blood and guts splattered throughout. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Jan 25, 2008
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Untraceable (2008) |
It's a tame version of Saw, aimed at middle-aged America, with the same lack of brains and appeal. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Jan 23, 2008
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Cloverfield (2008) |
Think Blair Witch meets Godzilla, and since that isn't the first or last time you'll read that comparison, think of a movie that results in something less profound. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Jan 15, 2008
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In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007) |
Fans looking to ridicule and laugh at the newest Boll adventure will be disappointed after the first 20 minutes. It was funny when it started, then it got boring. Too boring to even laugh at anymore. - Film Threat
Read More
| Posted Jan 13, 2008
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The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (2007) |
Paralyzing to watch. At times, you're just as frustrated as Bauby; you want him to communicate, you want other people to understand what he is thinking, and above all, you want him to pull through it. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Jan 11, 2008
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The Bucket List (2007) |
Thinking about taking a road trip with Nicholson and Freeman sounds like the best thing ever. Perhaps it would have been in a more serious, less light-hearted film. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Jan 10, 2008
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There Will Be Blood (2007) |
It's like a version of Citizen Kane that Stanley Kubrick might have directed. But the film has enough to lay its own influence in the minds of future filmmakers to come. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Jan 07, 2008
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Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007) |
This isn't so much an Alien or Predator styled flick we were all hoping for. Instead, half of the plot plays out like a John Hughes nightmare circa 1988. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Dec 27, 2007
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Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007) |
Sweeney Todd is exactly the musical Burton fans have wished him to make. It's a bloody mess of vengeance and lost love, full of throat-slitting mayhem. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Dec 21, 2007
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No Country for Old Men (2007) |
No Country for Old Men is the most brutal cinematic experience of the year, as well as one the best. It's nothing shy of an unforgettable masterpiece. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Dec 17, 2007
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I Am Legend (2007) |
The incredible amount of buildup and excitement of the first half ends up driving us down the road to disappointment. - Film Threat
Read More
| Posted Dec 15, 2007
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Before the Devil Knows You're Dead (2007) |
It's powerfully crafted, intensely paced and brilliantly acted from all involved players, and a film that's easily [Lumet's] best since Network. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Dec 14, 2007
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Atonement (2007) |
Fans of the original source material will definitely know what to expect here. The rest of us, who can't seem to connect to any of these characters (let alone care about them), can only marvel at the technical aspects of the film. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Dec 07, 2007
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Reservation Road (2007) |
It's a gripping enough subject matter that isn't exactly given an engaging or focused enough screenplay to be as powerful as it so desperately strives for. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Dec 05, 2007
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The Savages (2007) |
[Bosco's] performance as a senior going through the motions of aging is hypnotic, heartbreaking, and dead-on. It's the kind of performance awards were created for. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Nov 30, 2007
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Juno (2007) |
Jason Reitman is shaping up to be quite the talented filmmaker. Just as he proved with his previous effort, Thank You for Smoking, the merging of comedic elements never offset the dramatic side. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Nov 29, 2007
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Margot at the Wedding (2007) |
The aesthetics of the film are as chaotic as the characters themselves, as if the editor tried to mimic the style of the French New Wave movement without paying attention to the theoretical reasoning behind it. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Nov 28, 2007
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Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium (2007) |
The world of children's literature continues to be raped by Hollywood and Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium is its latest victim. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Nov 26, 2007
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Beowulf (2007) |
How can a film based on such a classic piece of literature, with the cache of talent behind it, be so drab? - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Nov 26, 2007
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Tooth & Nail (2007) |
Tooth and Nail is part of the After Dark Horror series and like many of the other films under this label, it's just as forgettable. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Nov 26, 2007
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Fred Claus (2007) |
While it tries to bring a new premise into the mix (Santa Claus has a cranky older brother), the result is just as humorless and stale as the Tim Allen's The Santa Clause trilogy. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Nov 26, 2007
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Hitman (2007) |
It's as embarrassing as anything Steven Seagal has put out in the past decade. - Bronsonfive
Read More
| Posted Nov 26, 2007
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Saw IV (2007) |
For devotees of the series, the gore is still there and the traps are just as weird as they were in the other entries but for the rest of us, your mind will forget it the second the end credits roll. - Film Threat
Read More
| Posted Oct 28, 2007
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Mr. Woodcock (2007) |
All Mr. Woodcock gives us is mediocre comedy at its finest. - Film Threat
Read More
| Posted Sep 17, 2007
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Death Sentence (2007) |
What begins as a family drama centered around the tragic loss of their son, somehow manages to turn into an over-the-top action extravaganza. - Film Threat
Read More
| Posted Sep 01, 2007
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Die You Zombie Bastards! (2005) |
At best, this film could be described as an under-par Trauma film. At worst, even comparing it to other tasteless trash cinema pieces, it still ranks under-par. - Film Threat
Read More
| Posted Aug 29, 2007
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War (2007) |
If it weren't for the last act, the film would have ended up being just as functional as any cheesy action film from the 80s. - Film Threat
Read More
| Posted Aug 27, 2007
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Superbad (2007) |
Superbad is easily one of the funniest comedies of the year and one you wouldn't mind seeing again and again. - Film Threat
Read More
| Posted Aug 20, 2007
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