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ONE STAR
|
One for All: The DJ Chris Villa Story
(2023)
|
Cole Smithey
|
As pedestrian as it gets, this amateurish documentary confirms the idea that DJing represents the antithesis of musicianship.
Posted May 13, 2023
|
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ZERO STARS
|
Everything Everywhere All at Once
(2022)
|
Cole Smithey
|
"Everything Everywhere All At Once" is a steaming example of visual, sonic, and thematic noise. Chinese propaganda for propaganda's sake. Vomiting all of the time now. Hollywood pawns.
Posted May 11, 2023
|
|
ZERO STARS
|
Discontinued
(2022)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Forget about things like three act structure, having an empathetic protagonist, or even thematic subtext for that matter, "Discontinued" is content to spin its wheels in existential mud for 90 minutes.
Posted Apr 29, 2023
|
|
FOUR STARS
|
American Murderer
(2022)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Here is a workmanlike true crime thriller to break out the popcorn for all your entertainment needs.
Posted Mar 03, 2023
|
|
ZERO STARS
|
Licorice Pizza
(2021)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Paul Thomas Anderson shits the bed of his own movie with a couple of truly horrendous scenes of anti-Asian caricature.
Not funny.
Deal-breaker.
What a waste.
Posted Feb 05, 2023
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
Blonde
(2022)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Straight masterpiece.
Ana de Armas is uncanny in her fearless portrayal of Hollywood's most iconic actress.
Feminist think piece. You bet.
This is Cinema.
Posted Jan 30, 2023
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
The Banshees of Inisherin
(2022)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Confucius comes into play. "If you seek revenge dig two graves, one for yourself."
Hala-feckin-luya.
Posted Jan 25, 2023
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
Wildcat
(2022)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Challenging, thought-provoking, and suspenseful, "Wildcat" is a lot of movie. Hearts will be broken.
Posted Jan 17, 2023
|
|
ONE STAR
|
Tár
(2022)
|
Cole Smithey
|
"Tár" comes across as a cheap parlor game. Marin Alsop calls Tár "antiwoman." Hard to argue with Marin Alsop. You're a fool if you do.
Posted Jan 13, 2023
|
|
ZERO STARS
|
Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery
(2022)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Proof that filmmaking is a thing of the past, "Glass Onion" is a tone-deaf crime comedy whose overblown budget would have been better spent on New York City's infrastructure.
Posted Jan 02, 2023
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
The Fabelmans
(2022)
|
Cole Smithey
|
This may well be Steven Spielberg's best film.
You couldn't ask for a finer swan song if that turns out to be the case.
Posted Jan 02, 2023
|
|
ZERO STARS
|
White Noise
(2022)
|
Cole Smithey
|
"White Noise" is the worst fucking movie I've ever seen.
Posted Jan 02, 2023
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
Is That Black Enough for You?!?
(2022)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Superbly written and edited, "Is That Black Enough For You ?!?" is about as much fun as you can have with your clothes on. Essential.
Posted Dec 27, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
Elvis
(2022)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Let’s just give Austin Butler his Best Actor Oscar now. This young man has range to spare. Wow!
Posted Dec 21, 2022
|
|
ZERO STARS
|
Bardo, False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths
(2022)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Condescending, emotionally flat, and narcissistic beyond all unreasonable common sense, Alejandro González Iñárritu’s Fellini rip-off is a flop.
Posted Nov 30, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
Personality Crisis: One Night Only
(2022)
|
Cole Smithey
|
David Johansen's swan song. You can't help but feel some sorrow at the prospect of losing the last New York Doll standing. Ovations are in order.
Posted Oct 18, 2022
|
|
ZERO STARS
|
Crimes of the Future
(2022)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Cronenberg, you’re no Cronenberg.
What a fucking mess.
Here is a textbook example of how not to do satire.
Posted May 26, 2022
|
|
TWO STARS
|
Portrait of a Lady on Fire
(2019)
|
Cole Smithey
|
An abortion subplot allows for a scene of artistically inspired exploitation that breaks the film.
Posted Apr 25, 2022
|
|
FOUR STARS
|
Rushmore
(1998)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Precocious but not precious, "Rushmore" is heavy-hearted comedy with a light touch.
Posted Apr 24, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
Body and Soul
(1925)
|
Cole Smithey
|
"Body and Soul" is not a small cinematic gem; it is a magnificent diamond.
Posted Apr 24, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
The Third Man
(1949)
|
Cole Smithey
|
has one of the greatest chase sequences ever filmed and it doesnt involve cars.
Posted Apr 23, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
Dragon Inn
(1967)
|
Cole Smithey
|
This is an exquisite martial arts movie you will not soon forget.
Posted Apr 22, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
The Ballad of Gregorio Cortez
(1983)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Although criminally unseen, due largely to the misdeeds of film distributor Larry Sugar, "The Ballad of Gregorio Cortez" is essential viewing for its innovative storytelling form.
Posted Apr 17, 2022
|
|
ONE STAR
|
WeWork: Or the Making and Breaking of a $47 Billion Unicorn
(2021)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Forbes editor Randall Lane has the best insights on Neumann's outrageous con game.
Posted Apr 10, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
Midnight Movies: From the Margin to the Mainstream
(2005)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Film buff essential.
Bring back midnight movies.
We need 'em.
Posted Apr 01, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
I Am Not Your Negro
(2016)
|
Cole Smithey
|
...as bold and forthcoming as its uncompromising title.
Posted Mar 29, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
Kedi
(2016)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Kedi is an ideal family documentary that captures the beauty of Istanbul from a cats eye perspective.
Posted Mar 29, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
State of Siege
(1972)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Living by the sword always means dying by the same blade...
Posted Mar 29, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
Always for Pleasure
(1978)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Learn the proper way to eat a crawfish.
Posted Mar 29, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
Mother Kusters Goes to Heaven
(1976)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Heaven is what you make it. The media just makes trash.
Posted Mar 29, 2022
|
|
FOUR STARS
|
The King of Staten Island
(2020)
|
Cole Smithey
|
"Just raising awareness."
Posted Mar 29, 2022
|
|
FOUR STARS
|
Danny Says
(2015)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Taste equals success baby.
Posted Mar 29, 2022
|
|
FOUR STARS
|
Adrienne
(2021)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Devastating.
NYC is dangerous town.
Posted Mar 26, 2022
|
|
ONE STAR
|
Dune
(2021)
|
Cole Smithey
|
A dishwater war narrative masquerading as sci-fi.
Pshaw.
Posted Mar 26, 2022
|
|
ZERO STARS
|
West Side Story
(2021)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Fingernails-on-a-chalkboard bad.
Just awful.
Posted Mar 25, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
Promising Young Woman
(2020)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Frat boy mentality goes straight to hell.
Romance this.
Posted Mar 23, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
Dolemite Is My Name
(2019)
|
Cole Smithey
|
If only all biopics were half this much fun.
Kicks.
Posted Mar 23, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
Tramps
(2016)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Instant classic.
I told you.
Now go away.
Posted Mar 22, 2022
|
|
ZERO STARS
|
King Richard
(2021)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Cheers and tears will follow.
Posted Mar 21, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
Attica
(2021)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Authorities rewriting history as it's being made is nothing new.
What do you know?
Posted Mar 20, 2022
|
|
ZERO STARS
|
Deep Water
(2022)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Shallow Stream is a more appropriate title.
Posted Mar 20, 2022
|
|
ZERO STARS
|
Jane by Charlotte
(2021)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Boring is as boring does.
There's just nothing here.
Posted Mar 17, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
The Lighthouse
(2019)
|
Cole Smithey
|
A stone-cold masterpiece.
Posted Mar 15, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
3:10 to Yuma
(1957)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Here's a Western you can lean into.
A double whisky up with a cold water back will do.
Posted Mar 14, 2022
|
|
ONE STAR
|
The Chinese Boxer
(1970)
|
Cole Smithey
|
...racist propaganda with a toxic sense of self-hatred as filtered through stylized martial arts fighting.
Well and thoroughly fucked.
Posted Mar 14, 2022
|
|
FOUR STARS
|
St. Vincent
(2014)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Bill Murray is our saint of Cinema.
Say a prayer.
Posted Mar 14, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
The Go-Go's
(2020)
|
Cole Smithey
|
The Go-Go's are the most successful all-girl group of all time.
See, and hear, how they did it.
Posted Mar 13, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
The Innocents
(1961)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Child abuse is at the core of this unsettling shocker.
Nightmares may follow.
Posted Mar 13, 2022
|
|
FIVE STARS
|
Red Rocket
(2021)
|
Cole Smithey
|
Simon Rex deals a virtuosic portrayal of an inveterate narcissist porn star taking those near him on a downhill ride to hell.
Posted Mar 12, 2022
|
|
TWO STARS
|
Throw Down
(2004)
|
Cole Smithey
|
No matter how hard he fronts; Johnnie To is no Kurosawa.
Posted Mar 08, 2022
|
