The Hangover - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

The Hangover Quotes

  • Alan: can I ask you another question?
    Alan: Can I ask you another question?
    Lisa: Sure.
    Alan: you probably get this a lot. This isn't real Caesars Palace. is it?
    Alan: You probably get this a lot. This isn't real Caesars Palace. is it?
    Lisa: What do you mean?
    Alan: did ummm, did Caesar live here?
    Alan: Did ummm, did Caesar live here?
    Lisa: Ummm, no.
    Alan: I didn't think so.


  • Mr. Chow: now, give me money. Or I shoot him, and I shoot all you motha fuckas. and then we take it. Your choice bitches.
    Mr. Chow: Now, give me money. Or I shoot him, and I shoot all you motha fuckas and then we take it. Your choice bitches.


  • Mr. Chow: So long gay-boys!


  • Alan: It's not a purse. It's a sachel. Besides, Indiana Jones has one.


  • Stu: Why can't we remember ANYTHING that happened last night?
    Alan: That's one of the side-effects of Roofies. Memory loss.
    Stu: You are literally too stupid to insult.
    Alan: Thank you.


  • Alan: It's my sunglasses okay?
    Alan: Are my glasses okay?
    Stu: Your sunglasses are okay, dick.


  • Stu: Why do you think we can't remember anything from last night?
    Phil: Because obviously we had a great fucking time!


  • Alan: There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!
    Phil: Holy fuck, he's not kidding! There's a tiger in there!


  • Alan: I got a question. You probably get this a lot; this isn't the real Caesars Palace, is it?
    Lisa: What do you mean?
    Alan: Um...Did Caesar live here?
    Lisa: Uh, no.
    Alan: Didn't think so...


  • Doug: To a night we will never forget..!
    Doug: To a night we will never forget!


  • Phil: Hey, this is Phil. Leave me a message, or don't, but do me a favor: don't text me, it's gay.


  • Doug: hey youve reached doug sorry i missed your call please leave a name and a number and ill get back to you
    Doug: [on recording] Hey, you've reached Doug. Sorry I missed your call. Please leave a name and number and I'll get back to you.


  • Alan: Not at the table Carlos!
    Alan: Not at the table, Carlos!


  • Stu: She's wearing my grandmother's holocaust ring i was going to give to melissa!
    Stu: The ring I'm gonna give to Melissa. You remember, my grandmother's Holocaust ring.
    Alan: I didn't know they give out rings at the holocaust...
    Alan: I didn't know they give out rings at the Holocaust...


  • Phil: What happened last night?


  • Officer Franklin: Shut that baby up! Shut that baby up!


  • Officer Franklin: Not up in here!


  • Alan: [while picking up Phil at the school where he works] Did you have to park so close?
    Doug: Doug Billings: Yeah, what's wrong?
    Alan: I shouldn't be here.
    Doug: Why is that, Alan?
    Alan: I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school...or a Chuck E. Cheese.


  • Stu: What do tigers dream of, when they take their little tiger snooze. Do they dream of mauling zebra's or Halle Berry in her catwoman suit. Dont you worry your pretty striped head were gonna get you back to Tyson and your cosy tiger bed and then were gonna find our best friend Doug. and then were gonna give him a best friend hug. Doug x9 But if he's been murdered by crystal meth tweakerrrs....well then we're shit outta luck


  • Alan: Hey, guys, when's the next Halley's Comet?
    Stu: I dunno. Not for like, another 80 years.
    Alan: But it's not tonight, is it?
    Stu: NO.


  • Stu: Ew, Allen, did you just eat sofa pizza?


  • Alan: I'm with you I'm with you!
    Alan: I'm with you, I'm with you!
    Mr. Chow: You gonna fuck on me?
    Alan: Nobody's gonna fuck on you, we're on your side. I hate Godzilla, I hate him too. I hate him. He destroys cities! Please! This isn't your fault, alright? I'll get you some pants. OW!
    Phil: What the FUCK was that?!
    Stu: I have internal bleeding.
    Phil: That was some fucked up shit.


  • Mr. Chow: It's funny because he's fat
    Mr. Chow: It's funny because he's fat.


  • Alan: Not at the Table Carlos!
    Alan: Not at the table Carlos!


  • Alan: I didn't know they gave out rings at during Halocaust?
    Alan: I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.


  • Alan: Hey there are skittles in there!!!!
    Alan: Hey! There were skittles in there!


  • Budnick: "Hey Mr.Wenneck-"
    Budnick: Hey Mr. Wenneck.


  • Officer Franklin: Not you fat Jesus
    Officer Franklin: [to Alan] Not you, fat Jesus.


  • Doug: You gotta be super smart to count cards, buddy.
    Alan: Oh yeah? Well we should tell that to Rain Man, because he practically bankrupted a casino, and he was a reh-tard
    Stu: What?
    Alan: He was a reh-tard.
    Doug: Retard.


  • Alan: Counting cards is a foolproof system.
    Stu: It's also illegal.
    Alan: It's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.


  • Sid: What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for herpes, that shit comes with you.
    Sid: Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you.


  • Alan: VEGAS! VEGAS, BABY! VEGAS!


  • Alan: Oh, no, we can't park here.
    Doug: Why not?
    Alan: I can't go within 200 feet of any school. Or a Chuck E. Cheese
    Alan: I can't go within 200 feet of any school. Or a Chuck E. Cheese.


  • Black Doug: Rufilin there you go again with that word rufilin what the hell is a rufilin.
    Stu: You are the worlds shittiest drug dealer.


  • Phil: its like that time at summer camp where we dragged his sleeping bag at the jetty.
    Phil: It's like that time at summer camp where we dragged his sleeping bag at the jetty.
    Stu: which was hilarious. But it's not funny now because we forgot him.
    Stu: Which was hilarious. But it's not funny now because we forgot him.
    Black Doug: you guys are fuckin retarded.
    Black Doug: You guys are fucking retarded.


  • Phil: Do you know the address?
    Dr. Valsh: Sure. It's at the corner of get a map and fuck off.


  • Phil: Holy fuck! He's not kidding! There's a tiger in there!
    Stu: No there isn't.


  • Alan: Phil, there is a tiger in the bathroom!
    Alan: Phil, there is a tiger in the bathroom.


  • Alan: Hey, Phil, look.
    Alan: He's jackin' his little weenis.


  • Alan: Not at the table baby!
    Alan: [stops the baby] Not at the table.


  • Alan: How dare you, she's a nice lady!


  • Alan: Oh wait, next weeks not so good, the Jonas brothers are in town.
    Alan: Oh wait, next weeks no good for me, the Jonas brothers are in town.


  • Black Doug: Come on man, i can be your doug.
    Black Doug: C'mon, man. I'll be your Doug.


  • Stu: He shot Eddy!
    Stu: He shot Eddie!


  • Alan: Hello. How 'bout that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City. You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!
    Alan: Hello. How 'bout that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City. You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, 'Wait a second, could it be?' And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!


  • Stu: I look like a nerdy hillbilly!


  • Phil: Would you put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.
    Phil: Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.


  • Alan: Not at the table, Carlos.


  • Officer Franklin: Alright you're up handsome... (to Alan) Not you fat Jesus!
    Officer Franklin: Alright you're up handsome... [to Alan Not you fat Jesus!
    Officer Franklin: Alright you're up handsome.
    Officer Franklin: Not you fat Jesus!


  • Alan: "It's a pleasure to meet you"
    Alan: It's a pleasure to meet you.
    Melissa: "Fuck off"
    Melissa: Fuck off.
    Alan: "I'm thinking about getting my bartenders license"
    Alan: I'm thinking about getting my bartenders license.
    Melissa: "Suck my dick"
    Melissa: Suck my dick.
    Alan: "No thank you"
    Alan: No thank you.


  • Alan: Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.


  • Phil: Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.


  • Mr. Chow: So long, gay boys!


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