The Hangover - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

The Hangover Quotes

The top The Hangover quotes selected by the Rotten Tomatoes community. Login to submit a quote!

  • Alan: Can I ask you another question?
    Lisa: Sure.
    Alan: You probably get this a lot. This isn't real Caesars Palace. is it?
    Lisa: What do you mean?
    Alan: Did ummm, did Caesar live here?
    Lisa: Ummm, no.
    Alan: I didn't think so.
    ‐ Submitted by Joe N (2 years ago)

  • Mr. Chow: Now, give me money. Or I shoot him, and I shoot all you motha fuckas and then we take it. Your choice bitches.
    ‐ Submitted by Joe N (2 years ago)

  • Mr. Chow: So long gay-boys!
    ‐ Submitted by Scott M (3 years ago)

  • Alan: It's not a purse. It's a sachel. Besides, Indiana Jones has one.
    ‐ Submitted by Aaron S (3 years ago)

  • Stu: Why can't we remember ANYTHING that happened last night?
    Alan: That's one of the side-effects of Roofies. Memory loss.
    Stu: You are literally too stupid to insult.
    Alan: Thank you.
    ‐ Submitted by Diego T (3 years ago)

  • Alan: Are my glasses okay?
    Stu: Your sunglasses are okay, dick.
    ‐ Submitted by Nicolás T (3 years ago)

  • Stu: Why do you think we can't remember anything from last night?
    Phil: Because obviously we had a great fucking time!
    ‐ Submitted by MarieBella C (3 years ago)

  • Alan: There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!
    Phil: Holy fuck, he's not kidding! There's a tiger in there!
    ‐ Submitted by MarieBella C (3 years ago)

  • Alan: I got a question. You probably get this a lot; this isn't the real Caesars Palace, is it?
    Lisa: What do you mean?
    Alan: Um...Did Caesar live here?
    Lisa: Uh, no.
    Alan: Didn't think so...
    ‐ Submitted by Eugene B (3 years ago)

  • Doug: To a night we will never forget!
    ‐ Submitted by Hector O (3 years ago)

  • Phil: Hey, this is Phil. Leave me a message, or don't, but do me a favor: don't text me, it's gay.
    ‐ Submitted by Greg P (3 years ago)

  • Doug: [on recording] Hey, you've reached Doug. Sorry I missed your call. Please leave a name and number and I'll get back to you.
    ‐ Submitted by Evan T (3 years ago)

  • Alan: Not at the table, Carlos!
    ‐ Submitted by Lexi F (3 years ago)

  • Stu: The ring I'm gonna give to Melissa. You remember, my grandmother's Holocaust ring.
    Alan: I didn't know they give out rings at the Holocaust...
    ‐ Submitted by Daniel K (3 years ago)

  • Phil: What happened last night?
    ‐ Submitted by Jed G (3 years ago)

  • Officer Franklin: Shut that baby up! Shut that baby up!
    ‐ Submitted by Laura D (4 years ago)

  • Officer Franklin: Not up in here!
    ‐ Submitted by Austin W (4 years ago)

  • Alan: [while picking up Phil at the school where he works] Did you have to park so close?
    Doug: Doug Billings: Yeah, what's wrong?
    Alan: I shouldn't be here.
    Doug: Why is that, Alan?
    Alan: I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school...or a Chuck E. Cheese.
    ‐ Submitted by Alec S (4 years ago)

  • Stu: What do tigers dream of, when they take their little tiger snooze. Do they dream of mauling zebra's or Halle Berry in her catwoman suit. Dont you worry your pretty striped head were gonna get you back to Tyson and your cosy tiger bed and then were gonna find our best friend Doug. and then were gonna give him a best friend hug. Doug x9 But if he's been murdered by crystal meth tweakerrrs....well then we're shit outta luck
    ‐ Submitted by Directors C (4 years ago)

  • Alan: Hey, guys, when's the next Halley's Comet?
    Stu: I dunno. Not for like, another 80 years.
    Alan: But it's not tonight, is it?
    Stu: NO.
    ‐ Submitted by Diego T (4 years ago)

  • Stu: Ew, Allen, did you just eat sofa pizza?
    ‐ Submitted by Diego T (4 years ago)

  • Alan: I'm with you, I'm with you!
    Mr. Chow: You gonna fuck on me?
    Alan: Nobody's gonna fuck on you, we're on your side. I hate Godzilla, I hate him too. I hate him. He destroys cities! Please! This isn't your fault, alright? I'll get you some pants. OW!
    Phil: What the FUCK was that?!
    Stu: I have internal bleeding.
    Phil: That was some fucked up shit.
    ‐ Submitted by Matt N (4 years ago)

  • Mr. Chow: It's funny because he's fat.
    ‐ Submitted by Brittany B (4 years ago)

  • Alan: Not at the table Carlos!
    ‐ Submitted by Anthony C (4 years ago)

  • Alan: I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.
    ‐ Submitted by Matthew H (4 years ago)

  • Alan: Hey! There were skittles in there!
    ‐ Submitted by Robert O (4 years ago)

  • Budnick: Hey Mr. Wenneck.
    ‐ Submitted by Krista H (4 years ago)

  • Officer Franklin: [to Alan] Not you, fat Jesus.
    ‐ Submitted by Beth H (4 years ago)

  • Doug: You gotta be super smart to count cards, buddy.
    Alan: Oh yeah? Well we should tell that to Rain Man, because he practically bankrupted a casino, and he was a reh-tard
    Stu: What?
    Alan: He was a reh-tard.
    Doug: Retard.
    ‐ Submitted by Palmer R (4 years ago)

  • Alan: Counting cards is a foolproof system.
    Stu: It's also illegal.
    Alan: It's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.
    ‐ Submitted by Palmer R (4 years ago)

  • Sid: Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you.
    ‐ Submitted by Palmer R (4 years ago)

  • Alan: VEGAS! VEGAS, BABY! VEGAS!
    ‐ Submitted by Palmer R (4 years ago)

  • Alan: Oh, no, we can't park here.
    Doug: Why not?
    Alan: I can't go within 200 feet of any school. Or a Chuck E. Cheese.
    ‐ Submitted by Palmer R (4 years ago)

  • Black Doug: Rufilin there you go again with that word rufilin what the hell is a rufilin.
    Stu: You are the worlds shittiest drug dealer.
    ‐ Submitted by Matt S (4 years ago)

  • Phil: It's like that time at summer camp where we dragged his sleeping bag at the jetty.
    Stu: Which was hilarious. But it's not funny now because we forgot him.
    Black Doug: You guys are fucking retarded.
    ‐ Submitted by Matt S (4 years ago)

  • Phil: Do you know the address?
    Dr. Valsh: Sure. It's at the corner of get a map and fuck off.
    ‐ Submitted by Stephen D (4 years ago)

  • Phil: Holy fuck! He's not kidding! There's a tiger in there!
    Stu: No there isn't.
    ‐ Submitted by Stephen D (4 years ago)

  • Alan: Phil, there is a tiger in the bathroom.
    ‐ Submitted by Stephen D (4 years ago)

  • Alan: Hey, Phil, look.
    Alan: He's jackin' his little weenis.
    ‐ Submitted by Jack G (4 years ago)

  • Alan: [stops the baby] Not at the table.
    ‐ Submitted by Carly S (4 years ago)

  • Alan: How dare you, she's a nice lady!
    ‐ Submitted by Yasmin W (4 years ago)

  • Alan: Oh wait, next weeks no good for me, the Jonas brothers are in town.
    ‐ Submitted by Yasmin W (4 years ago)

  • Black Doug: C'mon, man. I'll be your Doug.
    ‐ Submitted by Yasmin W (4 years ago)

  • Stu: He shot Eddie!
    ‐ Submitted by Craig K (4 years ago)

  • Alan: Hello. How 'bout that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City. You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, 'Wait a second, could it be?' And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!
    ‐ Submitted by Mounzer B (4 years ago)

  • Stu: I look like a nerdy hillbilly!
    ‐ Submitted by Benny B (5 years ago)

  • Phil: Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.
    ‐ Submitted by Benny B (5 years ago)

  • Alan: Not at the table, Carlos.
    ‐ Submitted by Benny B (5 years ago)

  • Officer Franklin: Alright you're up handsome.
    Officer Franklin: Not you fat Jesus!
    ‐ Submitted by John H (5 years ago)

  • Alan: It's a pleasure to meet you.
    Melissa: Fuck off.
    Alan: I'm thinking about getting my bartenders license.
    Melissa: Suck my dick.
    Alan: No thank you.
    ‐ Submitted by James W (5 years ago)

  • Alan: Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.
    ‐ Submitted by Eugene P (5 years ago)

  • Phil: Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.
    ‐ Submitted by rob g (5 years ago)

  • Mr. Chow: So long, gay boys!
    ‐ Submitted by rob g (5 years ago)

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