The Nutty Professor - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

The Nutty Professor Quotes

  • Reggie Warrington: Women be shoppin'! You cannot stop a woman from shoppin'!


  • Papa Klump: Oprah and Luther need to keep their asses one way, 'cause I'm confused.
    Papa Klump: Oprah and Luther need to keep their asses one way, because I'm confused.


  • Buddy Love: I Heard Of Dreadlocks, But ****locks?
    Buddy Love: I heard of dreadlocks, but ****locks?


  • Mama Klump: Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!


  • Mama Klump: Don't nobody wanna hear your flatuance, Cletus Klump!
    Papa Klump: [farts]


  • Buddy Love: It's showtime, everybody!


  • Carla Purty: Some "Buddy" is right.
    Carla Purty: Some 'Buddy' is right.


  • Mama Klump: Have you noticed that Sherman's been actin' kind of strange lately?
    Carla Purty: Sherman has definitely been acting strange lately.
    Mama Klump: I knew it! See, Cletus? I told you!
    Papa Klump: You really think I been l been listenin' to you? I ain't listenin' to you!


  • Mama Klump: Carla! Oh, hee hee hee! Oh, you look fabulous!
    Carla Purty: Thank you, Mrs. Klump.
    Mama Klump: Have you seen Sherman?
    Papa Klump: Yeah, where's Sherman at? I ain't come to pay no hundred-dollar ticket to have to suffer this alone!
    Mama Klump: Cletus, shut up, please!
    Papa Klump: Hey! That's strike two!


  • Reggie Warrington: What's up?
    Buddy Love: Whats's up, n*gga? Ha, ha, ha, ha!
    Reggie Warrington: I said, "What's up?"
    Reggie Warrington: I said, 'what's up?'
    Buddy Love: Didn't you hear me when I said "Hey?" Ha, ha, ha, ha!
    Buddy Love: Didn't you hear me when I said 'Hey?' Ha, ha, ha, ha!


  • Buddy Love: It's your world, dog! I'm just a squirrel tryin' to get a nut!


  • Buddy Love: I am so hungry. Hey don't let the tears fool ya'. I'm a tooth chipper!


  • Buddy Love: [to Carla] You are too fine to be givin' me curbside service!
    Carla Purty: I'm not, I'm leaving.
    Buddy Love: What are you talkin' 'bout? We just got here.
    Carla Purty: No, you just got here. I've been waiting for you for almost an hour!
    Buddy Love: Hey now, they say anticipation makes the appetite grow stronger, if you know what I mean.
    Carla Purty: Anticipate a night alone.
    Buddy Love: Hey, hey! Let's just have a meal together. Why you leavin'? What, do want me to beg you? I'll get down on my knees, I'll beg you in front of all these people! Think I care if these people are watchin'? I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I want the world to know that I was late! And I'm sorry! My car ran outta gas! I needed fresh drawers! My mother's sick! The car broke down on the street!
    Carla Purty: Buddy, get up!
    Buddy Love: No, no, no, hear me out! I am sorry! I don't know why this is happenin' tonight! Of all nights, this has got to happen to me tonight!
    Carla Purty: Okay.
    Buddy Love: WHY???? WHY???????????
    Buddy Love: WHY? WHY?
    Carla Purty: Okay!
    Buddy Love: WHY???????????
    Buddy Love: WHY?
    Carla Purty: Okay, okay, okay!
    Buddy Love: Okay good, let's eat.


  • Buddy Love: Now, be careful. If you scratch the car, I'll be scratchin' your *ss.


  • Sherman Klump: (looks at his pet guinea pig) Shelly, you've been a guinea pig long enough. It's time to see if this stuff really works.
    Sherman Klump: [looks at his pet guinea pig] Shelly, you've been a guinea pig long enough. It's time to see if this stuff really works.


  • Papa Klump: Godd*mmit! I've messed up my pants.


  • Mama Klump: My baby is not gettin' married here!
    Papa Klump: Oh yeah? [farts]


  • Papa Klump: So Carla, are you and Sherman gonna get married here or in Chicago?
    Mama Klump: Carla, can you cook? 'Cause somebody's got to feed my Sherman!


  • Mama Klump: Mama, you're gonna embarrass my baby.


  • Papa Klump: (to Carla) Your family got any money? 'Cause I ain't payin' for no big*ss weddin'.
    Papa Klump: [to Carla] Your family got any money? 'Cause I ain't payin' for no big*ss weddin'.


  • Mama Klump: So Carla, do you like children?
    Carla Purty: Yes.
    Mama Klump: Oh, that's wonderful! I can't wait for Sherman to bring me home some grandbabies!


  • Buddy Love: I can see my d*ck! My d*ck! My d*ck! My d*ck! Yeah!


  • Ms. Gluteus: (talking to Lance Perkins on Sherman's TV) His fraternity was having this thing called "Pig Day." That's the only reason he asked me out!
    Ms. Gluteus: [talking to Lance Perkins on Sherman's TV] His fraternity was having this thing called 'Pig Day.' That's the only reason he asked me out!
    Lance Perkins: To make fun of you? Why do we do this to ourselves? Everytime we get depressed we eat and eat and eat. Don't you? You go to the store and buy those little candy bars in the bag, and before you know it the whole bag is empty. And then at the end you feel just like that bag, empty inside. Don't you? Don't you? (hugs woman) Can we go to a commercial?
    Lance Perkins: To make fun of you? Why do we do this to ourselves? Everytime we get depressed we eat and eat and eat. Don't you? You go to the store and buy those little candy bars in the bag, and before you know it the whole bag is empty. And then at the end you feel just like that bag, empty inside. Don't you? Don't you? [hugs woman] Can we go to a commercial?


  • Mama Klump: Hee hee hee! Oh, this is so fabulous! Ain't nothin' like gettin' together with family and havin' a good meal!


  • Mama Klump: (Ernie Jr. belches) Oh, baby, eat some bread.
    Mama Klump: [Ernie Jr. belches] Oh, baby, eat some bread.


  • Papa Klump: So Carla, where are you from?
    Carla Purty: Chicago.
    Mama Klump: Oh, Chicago! We have family there.
    Papa Klump: Chicago. Windy city, huh? I was workin' on a skyscraper in Chicago once, and my lunch blew off the 27th floor.


  • Papa Klump: I've seen Sherman so hungry once before when he was young... he beat up a grown man- (Eddie Murphy starts laughing.)
    Papa Klump: I've seen Sherman so hungry once before when he was young... he beat up a grown man. [Eddie Murphy starts laughing]


  • Mama Klump: I hope you fart 'till your *sshole falls off.


  • Mama Klump: Everytime we have a meal you start breaking gas. Don't break gas and destroy our meal!
    Papa Klump: Don't tell me to stop! You were the one who brought up colon cleansing and all that mess!
    Mama Klump: I did not say anythin' about breakin' gas, I said that I was gonna get my colon cleansed!
    Papa Klump: Oh, so you can talk about puttin' a tube up somebody's *ss, but I can't break wind.
    Mama Klump: I didn't say nothin' about puttin' a hose up somebody's *ss, Cletus.
    Papa Klump: Well what do you think a colonic is? You think you run yo' *sshole by the car wash?
    Mama Klump: You're chokin' the baby! (Ernie Jr. spits out food with laughter)
    Mama Klump: You're chokin' the baby! [Ernie Jr. spits out food with laughter]
    Papa Klump: Look, as long as I pay the bills, I can do what I want at this table. Case in point; [farts]


  • Papa Klump: Somebody better call the exorcist!


  • Sexy Girl: Hey, I'm the one with the gluteus minimus.


  • Sherman Klump: Recent studies have shown that some people are genetically predisposed to gainin' wait. Someday in the near future we might even find a cure.
    Papa Klump: Only thing you need to study is yo' *ss. I gotta big *ss, and yo' momma's gotta big *ss.
    Mama Klump: Cletus!
    Papa Klump: You do have a big *ss! Don't tell me that the *sses aren't big in our family. Now, I don't care what diet you go on, you can sew up your stomach and yo' *sshole and your gonna always be fat!


  • Mama Klump: Ohh, look at my little baby. Ohh, he's a little Hurcules! Show me muscle again. Ohh, Hurcules, Hurcules, Hurcules, Hercules, Hurcules! Hee hee hee! He's so strong.


  • Papa Klump: I would like to volunteer to take this old bird outta her misery.
    Mama Klump: Cletus! Don't you dare say something like that about Mama!


  • Mama Klump: Sherman, I cooked all this food, is that all you gonna eat?
    Papa Klump: Hey, hey, hey! What's wrong with you? You're supposed to eat that thing, not scalp it.
    Sherman Klump: Well, Daddy, all the calories in the chicken are found in the skin, so I peel it off.
    Papa Klump: Stop sittin' there talkin' 'bout where all the fats and calories is. You know where that comes from? Watchin' that d*mn TV. Everytime you turn it on you got somebody talkin' 'bout lose weight, get healthy, get in shape. They got everybody lookin' all anorexic and talkin' 'bout that's healthy. I know what healthy is! And tell you something else, I don't know why everyone's tryin' to lose weight in the first place! Ain't everybody supposed to be the same size, we're supposed to be all different. Big, small, medium, midgets, you're supposed to have all that. Everyone wants to be the same size now, like that Oprah Winfrey; she went and lost her weight, when nothin' was wrong with her, she was fine! Oprah was a fox! She lost all that weight, head lookin' all big, skin hangin' all over. And Luther Vandross. N*gga used to be the black Pavarotti. Lost all that weight, lookin' all ashy. Oprah and Luther need to keep their asses one way, 'cause I'm confused.


  • Papa Klump: Why is it that the woman always gets to choose were they're gonna get married?
    Mama Klump: Well, that's tradition.
    Papa Klump: Well tradition, my ass.


  • Mama Klump: You know Sherman, I think I do remember hearing something on TV about colon cleansing. They say everyone should have one. I'm thinking of getting myself an appointment and getting my colon cleansed thoroughly.
    Papa Klump: You want your colon cleansed? Fine, I'm gonna clean mine. (farts) And my colon's clean, I'm talking squeaky clean.
    Papa Klump: You want your colon cleansed? Fine, I'm gonna clean mine. [farts] And my colon's clean, I'm talking squeaky clean.


  • Mama Klump: aw he's a little hercules show me that muscle again aw hercules hercules hercules
    Mama Klump: Aw he's a little hercules show me that muscle again aw Hercules Hercules Hercules.


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