Swept Away Reviews
-----Swept Away, directing by Guy Ritchie and staring his wife Madonna, is a remake of an Italian film about an upper-class woman and a lower-class male who get trapped on a deserted island. First bickering and hating each other, they come to fall in love and have a passionate romance on the island. However, society factors strive to keep them apart. Thank god.
-----The glaring and obvious problem in the film is Madonna, who is playing the lead. This is the first film I've seen with Madonna in it, and I have been told she is good in other films. After seeing her in this film I can only say I don't believe them. To say Madonna gives a bad performance in this film is an insult to other bad performances. In Swept Away, Madonna is the most artificial screen presence I have ever seen. Not once does she convey any type of human truth or emotional at all. Every line she says seems likes she has no idea what she's saying and she has no investment with whats going on at all. I truly believe it is the lowest point of acting one can go, you can't possibly get any worse. I have seen actors who weren't even trying give better performances. It truly has to be seen to be believed. Nothing I could possibly write can adequately translate the terror of her acting.
-----But the problems go beyond Madonna alone. Her co-star, Adriano Giannini actually gives a half-decent performance, at least at first. But the problem for both him and Madonna is that their character are absolute monsters. I have never seen more unsympathetic characters portrayed as the protagonists of the film. They are terrible people, and I quickly grew to hate the both of them. The fact that they become a couple truly sends the film into hellish depths. I hate a trend you see in a lot of films where two people fall in love immediately with no foundation or even reason for them liking each other. Swept Away has that trope done to the extreme. Madonna and Giannini could be the worst screen couple ever. They have no chemistry, to put it lightly, and their characters have less than no reason to get together romantically. Here are two people who have treated each other awfully for the entire film and suddenly they are heads over heels for each other. Its an ultimate insult to the audiences intelligence.
-----Guy Ritchie directs this parade of horrors with what he thinks is charm and depth and fails miserably. Its social aspirations are insulting, its comedic bits all fall horribly flat, and it is emotionally dead. Swept Away has to be one of the worst films ever made, and everyone involved should be throughly ashamed of themselves.
Amber (Madonna) goes on a trip with her rich husband and a few other rich people who can't act. For some odd reason, she bullies the help in particular . Giuseppe (Adriano Giannini). She soon regrets that when both of them are shipwrecked on a deserted island. Giuseppe now has the upper hand and Amber must wait on him now. To put it simply, Swept Away is a more demented version of The Blue Lagoon. There is not one character I like or respect in this entire movie. No person in this movie is given a real identity and I don't relate to anyone in it no matter how much money they have. It doesn't help also for more than half the movie we are stuck on an island with possibly the worst characters ever to be put on film. I'll get into that a little bit later.
As expected, Madonna can't act in this movie. However, after watching a grand total of only 2 Madonna movies (that's enough I think) I finally realize why Madonna never was able to become an Actress. Whether it be this movie or Body of Evidence, Madonna never shows any enthusiasm or dedication to any of her roles. Which is strange because supposedly this was a life long dream for her. If that is so, then why does she constantly act like she doesn't care? It makes no real sense does it? To Madonna's very little credit, nobody especially Giannini is winning an Academy Award anytime soon. Seriously, the entire cast seem to be out of their element or something. Bad script or not, it's still inexcusable.
So what makes Swept Away possibly the Worst Romantic Comedy/Drama ever made? Our two idiotic main characters of course! I have a feeling Twilight probably gained some inspiration from this movie when it comes to abusive relationships. Amber and Giuseppe are the worst romantic leads in film history. They might be even worse than Edward and Bella. The level of physical abuse Amber gets is pretty disturbing. Giuseppe slaps her 3 times, kicks her twice and constantly insults her. I don't care how bitchy a character is, this is just offensive. And somehow, this abuse somehow turns into a "Love Connection" Where the hell did that come from? The whole love thing comes out of nowhere and really there was no build up at all. By the time the relationship is threatned by something or other, I want these two apart. Amber and this abusive Asshole don't belong together.
The other big problem with the movie is the fact that it's just... stupid. I mean it too, it's arrogant tone really thinks it's saying something politically Revolutionary. When really, it's like watching Sarah Palin read a speech off her hand. There are a lot of times when the characters try having these debates on Capitalism or whatever else about Government. I have big news for this movie... YOU'RE NOT SMART ENOUGH!
Guys, I am serious when I say this: This possibly one of the Worst films I've ever had to review. Swept Away killed Madonna's acting career for a reason. It went way too far with what it could get away with. The acting is especially awful, the writing is ludicrous, the directing by Guy Ritchie is obnoxious and of course two bone heads for characters are completely awful people. Just avoid this movie, I wish I did.
Killer ending scene in the helicopter - good job M.