Zodiac Killer (2004)
Critic Consensus: No consensus yet.
Critic Reviews for Zodiac Killer
This one could have skipped direct-to-video and gone direct-to-landfill.
The acting is bad enough to cause Oscar statues all around the world to spontaneously combust.
Audience Reviews for Zodiac Killer
It's such a shame to see this film go in this direction. With the impressive source material and - admittedly - brilliant take on it, they could have done so much and ended up with a fantastic film. Unfortunately, the production value is low, the acting is horrific and the script tends to go off target frequently which is both distracting and difficult to watch.
I go into a video store,I look around at the movies.Each time I go,around the section of the movies that begin with the letter Z,I see this movie.Well,one day I watch it.That same day,I turn it off and slam it down on a table and never bother to look at it again,unless I see it at a video store.That movie is the 2004 movie that dares to actually call itself "Zodiac Killer".I need the quotations,because it barely has anything to do with the killer who called himself Zodiac.This movie pretty much establishes itself as a movie without rules or laws.It's also one of the movies you can watch the trailer for and predict (And,unsurprisingly,be right) all of the movies events.Give or take two things you got wrong.There's no turning back from this movie either,because it gives you the evil eye.Just look at all of the work they put into the boxart.Fine,fine,I'll review you,just stop giving me a soul-staring eye you piece of garbage. It's stupid to just say it has virtually nothing to do with the actual Zodiac Killer that had a reign of terror in San Fransisco during the 1960's to who knows when.The movie just does whatever it wants,and tells you to go play a video game.Rather than watch it.I know that because I did just that after I slammed it's box down and pretended not to see it.Now,if you don't know the Zodiac was....I don't either.No,I know who he was,we just don't know who he REALLY was.A man who identified himself as "Zodiac" killed up to 8 people (Some say 32 or so).He randomly killed people because "Man is the most dangerous animal of them all".He sent letters,a cryptogram,and phoned the police.Describing the murders in details that only he and the police would know.Now who the killer was,we may never know.He pretty much just killed people for fun,and that's the end of the grisly story.Now what does the movie have to do with such a simplistic plot? Well,almost nothing.As I said,it just plays by it's own rules.It does not give a flying fuck (Expect that a lot throughout the eleven remaining movies guys and girls) about the events transpiring.It just...does not care! Want a summary? It does not care about whatever transpires,it just does what it wants and tells you take a hike.Deal with it (I guess). Picture the directing as two horses playing hide and seek.That's quite a picture,I wanna see that.Now,imagine your wife,girlfriend,husband,boyfriend,or relative wants you to look at this new car they got.Now,if it was a McLaren,Ferrari,or Corvette,that would be something to gawk at and become green with envy.But let's say for the sake of argument,it's some generic sedan that's nothing special.The directing is just that.Hey,something interesting-oh we've gotta return to plot exposition.Don't you just find that to be the most interesting thing you'll ever hear? The obvious answer is no.Especially when it's written for baboon's,rather than human beings.Next time I wanna listen to bad plot exposition,I'll watch one of the Transformers movies (Lord knows why I'd wanna watch one of those things again!).Also,here's a great addition to the problems,we're given one of the worst focused movies out there.Please,focus on one topic (per-se),and just stick with that.Stop bouncing around from scene to scene,and then deciding that last one was better.I can't pick a director,not even Jason and Aaron,who's more unfocused and Ulli.Not even Uwe Boll hops around more than this.The Asylum hires better directors! The Sy-Fy channel has directors who can focus better.This "director" just keeps bouncing from one scene to another,thinks the last was better,then goes back to the other after the other scene (Tongue twister I guess),and then back again.Oh,then a new one somewhere in between.Gee,it's great when I make it sound simple,AIN'T IT?! To prevent more possible trauma to your mind that's trying to picture this,I'll finish this paragraph up.The directing is unfocused,unoriginal (I can't imagine how for a movie that's on the budget of someones toe nail and used tissue),and really fragile.It doesn't try to do anything,other than piss the viewer off.I love my hobby. Let's play "Be blunt",and just state the obvious.The characters are horrible.Sympathy for who? Or for that matter,for what? I really don't understand what to have sympathy for when there's nothing to have sympathy for! The reason is the fact the characters have even less dimension than the ones in Son of Sam! Which one? Pick from the two,they are virtually the same in terms of quality and rating.To be even more blunt,just recycle the jokes I used in the review for Son of Sam,because I really have to in this movies case.I have a lot of sympathy for air,but none for the really toxic gas the movies calls the characters.Oh how hilarious it is to just utilize the humor from older reviews.Alright,being serious,the characters are pathetic.I'll actually go as far to say that the idea of lighting these idiots on fire would cause the fire to go out the second it made contact with the persons clothing or skin.Seriously,unlikable,underdeveloped,and weak.They are unable to do anything,and just sorta run around bump into themselves.Trip over themselves.They don't do a thing to fend for themselves,and when they do...well,let's just say that I felt mortified to be watching it.The bottom of the trench of the Earth is that the characters suck.They suck more than a blackhole.That's the most clever thing I could come up with,and it came from other reviews I've written.But honestly,who gives a crap? Lemme stop laughing,lemme calm down,now lemme explain Zodiac Killer's ridiculous intensity/suspense.I've seen brutally horrendous horror movies.I watched the American Remake of One Missed Call.Now,compared to that,it is safe to say that that movie has some form of suspense.Not compared,that movies fucking hilarious.As I said,while in comparison,it actually feels suspenseful.To be more blunt,Zodiac Killer is as intense as Dora the Explorer.I swear that I was at the edge of my seat waiting to see what Swipper the Fox would do next.Some of you may think I'm being way to harsh,but I was.When I was young,I'd watch Dora to kill thirty minutes.Even now I'd probably watch it as a sleeping pill.But after watching this movie,I think I might wake up and wait to see Dora's next move and sweat while watching.This movie is so uneventful,whatever intensity it does build up is whacked down like those Lego bricks I mentioned in the review for Son of Sam! Seriously,how hard was it to just build up some suspense.Screw the evil eye the movie gives me,I really have no pity after watching this! Do something to build up suspense.Next scene,destroy it all with a either a sledgehammer or a shotgun blast.Those Lego bricks sure know how to go flying! No "over all" moment for this,because I summed it up just by mentioning Dora. Chatter,chatter,chatter,and I'm still not uninterested.Dialogue wise (obviously),Zodiac Killer has nothing but padded out,uninteresting,and stupendously awful character development (I really just said that).You can't find dialogue in a Sy-Fy Original that's this awful.It nearly gets to a point where I wanna bitch about the the fact that it all feels improvised,and made up as the movie went along by the actors,rather than some wannabe,awful "professional" writer.The movies dialogue is delivered horribly,but who cares.It's not like anything eles up to this point has actually gotten even mild praise.I refuse to even acknowledge praise I would have given to them ovie ending.But it's like getting a last minute birthday gift.It really sucks because,well,it's the last minute,tacked on ending.Oh how I fear for the remaining eleven movies,but let's not look ahead that much.The surprises will be spoiled! Oh,right,I was writing a review about a movie that sucks.Oh wow,I actually mentioned words that are spoken by robots.Getting as back on track as I can with dialogue that are just this riveting,the character development....lemme take some pills before I even get into it.The character development is horrifically bad.It's as bad as a porno's.I can't even begin to explain how that's possible,but it is.My God,it's stupendously awful! Lemme repeat that until the entire world gets it! There's no turning back once you listen to it,because you'll be dead (or feel dead) after listening to it! Got it? Or,well,get it? I hope so,because I sure as hell wish I had my future me's advice on this garbage!! To sum it all up as best I can,the dialogue just speaks for itself.No joke or pun intended. There's no effort put into the acting.It just feels like a bunch of insane apes that where let loose onto a movie set and where told by the apes for Planet of the Apes to act even more insane.I don't even know if this is a review anymore,or just my idea of playing rant.But hey,the idea of the movies acting is just a rant.Keep over acting sister,but be sure to under-react to everything! I actually have no clue why everyone overacts,but under-reacts.If I was in this,I'd be scared if the events that are occurring where real.Isn't the idea of a movie to have that world be real,and for the events to seem like they are taking place? Excluding "Real event/True event" movies? Well,according to Zodiac Killer,those rules are for shit,and the idea must be ruined and done with no ideas on how to make that dream (The idea) come to life.Nope,just play by your rules.Those rules are just spit out something as soon as possible,then profit off of it.Isn't bull shit logic wonderful? Well,all the acting is is a train wreck of overacting and under-reacting.No,I swear that this rant is just as good as the acting.Hell,this is all I can say.End of story folks! Zodiac Killer is a train wreck.A never ending,non-stop,ugly train wreck.Full of brutally obvious,amateur mistakes that show each and every frame.It's especially horrible in the acting department,which I can simply describe as what I put.It's nonsensical if you didn't get it,along with those two other flaws.The entire movie is just pretty much a pseudo-logical,rely on my own rules movie that feels the need to try to be a big boy on the outside.With it's grim and tough looking boxart.But then retreats when you watch it.The entire thing is like a "2012 is real" website.It's just nonsensical,and it fails at that too.It makes precisely no sense,and I don't even recommend it to people who want to bash something for fun.You are so much better off watching and reviewing Battlefield: Earth.If you see a copy of this movie,then walk over the section of your video store that have movies that begin with the letter L.Honestly,Loch Ness Terror is a better movie to review.Shove your thoughts of "Oh this will be epic to review" up your minds ass (somehow),and forget you ever thought of that.Zodiac Killer's rating is a 0 out of 10.Screw a Null & Void rating.It would break the fabric of space and time in a matter of seconds!
ok honestly STOP remaking this movie! We aleady know that they don't catch him and this movie was too slow for me...
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