Spider-Man: Far From Home
Toy Story 4
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Appallingly terrible. Lots of abs and zero acting. Actually the non performances are so wretched they can't even be called acting. Stay away.
Should have been a poster collection, not a movie.
★ (out of four)
I was bored last night and decided to watch online this David DeCoteau low, low, low budget sci/fi thriller. It is strange even for his standards with about as much plot to fill a thirty second commercial.
A treasure hunter (Stefan Gatt) has assembled a group of young experts (the oldest is probably about 22) to help him authenticate a tremendous find he has located in Bermuda. But, one of his "experts" has a strange and unearthly plan for his own benefit.
The budget is so small that Venice Beach actually subs for Bermuda. In fact, you can actually see buildings and signs that say "Venice Beach" on them. Everything about the film is just odd and nothing ever happens except scantily clad youngsters wandering around a house calling out each others names.
Watched this on netflix one night and it makes The Asylum movies look like Masterpiece Theater. I'm not sure what the plot was, or what it had to do with the Bermuda Triangle, as literally half the movie was shirtless guys walking into an empty house, screaming hello for 10 minutes, then suddenly winding up in their underwear tied to the shower or bed. The fact that there's nothing sexual beyond walking around shirtless makes this an epic fail.