21 Jump Street - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

21 Jump Street Quotes

  • Captain Dickson: Rule number 2 on Jump Street. Burns.
    Burns: Do not have sexual relations with students or teachers, sir.
    Captain Dickson: You hear that? That's you. Don't do it man. Keep that dirty dick in your pants. Don't fuck no students. Don't fuck no teachers.
    Schmidt: Sir, I know we come off as a couple of lady killers, but i promise you we'll be super professional at the job.
    Captain Dickson: Clearly I wasn't talking to you big titties. You cherub-looking mother fucker.


  • Annie Schmidt: I love dick? You think that's funny? Wonder Years douche? What kind of a sick animal draws an ejaculating penis into an eight year old's mouth?
    Jenko: Kind of looks like...an airplane...throwing up.
    Annie Schmidt: You think I don't know that's a dick and balls? I know all about dick and balls! I used to party with Robert Downey Jr. before he got sober when he was really fucked up and a lot of fun!


  • Jenko: I didn't punch him because he was gay. I punched him...and then he happened to turn out to be gay afterwards.


  • Deputy Chief Hardy: You going anywhere Schmidt? We've got time.
    Schmidt: I had a thing but I could probably push it back


  • Domingo: You don't look like cops. You look like kids on the Halloween.
    Jenko: Do you want me to beat your dick off?
    Domingo: You want to beat my dick off?
    Jenko: Yeah I'll beat your dick off, both hands. Let's go.
    Domingo: That's just sick man.
    Schmidt: I think what he means is he is gonna punch you so many times in the genital area that your dick is just gonna fall off.


  • Deputy Chief Hardy: Did you say, You have the right to be an attorney?
    Schmidt: He could be an attorney if he wants.


  • Eric Molson: You know what happens to a handsome guy like me in jail?! It rhymes with grape! It rhymes with grape.


  • Molly Tracey: Hey Brad. Whoah! What are you wearing?
    Molly Tracey: Hey Brad. Whoa! What are you wearing?
    Jenko: Potassium Nitrate, thanks for noticing.


  • Schmidt: You know how Tom Cruise is always pissed off at Rainman? That's my life, except Brad is really shitty at math.


  • Annie Schmidt: What kind of a sick animal draws an ejaculating penis into an eight-year old's mouth?
    Jenko: It could be, like, an airplane throwing up.
    Annie Schmidt: You think I don't know that's a dick and balls? I know all about dick and balls! I used to party with Robert Downey Jr , when he was really fucked up and a lot of fun!


  • Jenko: Can I go take a dump?


  • Schmidt: It's like seven strangers living in one house true story!
    Schmidt: It's like seven strangers living in one house. True story!


  • Jenko: How about a pound of coke?
    Schmidt: We're trying to show them a good time. Not ruin their fucking lives!
    Jenko: Pound of marijuana?
    Schmidt: Best party ever!


  • Captain Dickson: You'll find yourself in prison. With a snorkel, duct-taped to the mouth. And me, shitting down that snorkel!
    Schmidt: That's extremely vivid, thank you.


  • Captain Dickson: New assignment. Since you two cowboys love to drink booze, smoke weed with kids, and fuck anything with a big ass in jeans with low self-esteem, I'm gonna send you to a place where all that shit is allowed.
    Jenko: Oh, I love Disneyland!
    Captain Dickson: You two sons of bitches are going to college!
    Schmidt: Yes!
    Jenko: No!


  • Domingo: If it's good you hear from me. If it's not good you hear from me about telling you how it's not good.


  • Captain Dickson: Since Captain Dickson: Enough, already. Enough. New assignment. Since you two cowboys love to drink booze, smoke weed with kids and fuck anything with a big ass in jeans with low self esteem, I'm a send you to a place where all that shit is allowed.
    Jenko: I love disneyland.
    Captain Dickson: You two sons of bitches are goin' to college!


  • French Samuels: You look really young, were you held back or something?
    French Samuels: You look really old, were you held back or something?
    Jenko: No, you look really young. Were you held forward?


  • Schmidt: It looks like I died in a car accident and you guys haven't gotten over it yet.


  • Eric Molson: You made me this friendship bracelet.
    Jenko: Well he's not really your friend, he was pretending the whole time.
    Eric Molson: I'm gonna cut this the fuck off later alright!


  • Jenko: It's gonna explode, roll your window up!!
    Jenko: It's gonna explode, roll your window up!
    Schmidt: What the fuck is that gonna do??
    Schmidt: What the fuck is that gonna do?


  • Captain Dickson: *flipping through files
    Captain Dickson: [flipping through files]
    Captain Dickson: Schmidt, says you were a virgin through high school.
    Schmidt: It says that!?
    Captain Dickson: No, I just assumed it!


  • Jenko: I would no strap it if it was possible.
    Jenko: Seriously, I'd have no strap if that would even be possible.


  • Jenko: Do you want to die?
    Schmidt: No....
    Schmidt: No...
    Jenko: Then we have to finger each other's throats. Okay? Go!


  • Jenko: (receives a test with a 44%) God, what bullshit.
    Jenko: [receives a test with a 44%] God, what bullshit.
    Schmidt: (receives a test with a perfect score)
    Schmidt: [receives a test with a perfect score]
    Jenko: Damn, your good at this....wanna be friends?


  • Schmidt: We're not sitting around... POPPING each others' zzasholes.


  • Jenko: One particle of unobtanium has a nuclear reaction with the flux capacitor, carry the two, changing its atomic isotope into a radioactive spider. : Fuck you science!
    Jenko: One particle of unobtanium has a nuclear reaction with the flux capacitor, carry the two, changing its atomic isotope into a radioactive spider.


  • Captain Dickson: When I'm talking to him, I'm talking to him. When I say shut the fuck up, I'm talking to you!


  • Jenko: You're a Goddamn rockstar. Do you feel that? Goddamn your so cool. You just shot him in the dick. I've never seen that. Who does that?


  • Jenko: Are you ready for a lifetime of being badass motherfuckers?
    Schmidt: I am.


  • Ms. Griggs: Let me check your chest, I mean test.


  • Schmidt: You're a girl.
    Molly Tracey: I am. That's why I'm wearing this pretty dress, to remind you.


  • Captain Dickson: (to Schmidt) When I'm talking about having sex, I'm talking about Handsome McGee. When I'm talking about shutting the fuck up, I'm talking to your insecure ass.
    Captain Dickson: [to Schmidt] When I'm talking about having sex, I'm talking about Handsome McGee. When I'm talking about shutting the fuck up, I'm talking to your insecure ass.


  • Schmidt: The doctor thought I was going to spontaneously grow a vagina.
    Schmidt: The doctor thought I was gonna spontaneously grow a vagina.


  • Jenko: You look like a young Jay Leno.


  • Captain Dickson: You guys are hear cuz you look young. You some Justin Beaver, Miley Cyrus lookin motherfuckers.
    Schmidt: (whispering) God, this guy is sassy.
    Schmidt: [whispering] God, this guy is sassy.


  • Jenko: Look, you're hot, and you're a fuckin slut, but I gotta shoot people right now.
    Melodie: You think Im hot?


  • Jenko: Ap Chemistry, Bitch!
    Jenko: Ap chemistry. Bitch!


  • Eric Molson: get in the fucking car now
    Eric Molson: Get in the fucking car now!
    Jenko: not until you ask nicely
    Jenko: Not until you ask nicely.
    Eric Molson: please get in the car
    Eric Molson: Please get in the car.


  • Captain Dickson: Goddamn...Infiltrate the Dealers, find the Suppliers!
    Captain Dickson: [slams desk] Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!
    Jenko: But if we find the supplier first, we don't have to worry about the dealers.
    Captain Dickson: God damn. [slams desk]


  • Hamilton Principal: You punched a little black gay kid and its not even second period, how do you explain that?


  • Principal Dadier: I'm one more Little gay black kid getting slapped in the face away from a nervous breakdown.


  • Captain Dickson: This kid was white, so people actually give a shit.


  • Schmidt: This feels like the end of Die hard, but this is real life!
    Jenko: Which one?
    Schmidt: The 3rd one Samuel Jackson style.
    Jenko: Fuck yeah!


  • Schmidt: Sir, I know we come off as a couple of ladykillers, but I promise you we will be super professional on the job.
    Captain Dickson: Clearly I wasn't talkin' to you, big titties! You cherub lookin' motherfucker. I was talkin' to your partner over here, Fake ass handsome McGee! When I'm talkin' to him, I'm talkin' to him. When I say, shut the fuck up, I'm talkin' to you.
    Schmidt: Cool


  • Schmidt: We're not finger poppin' each other's assholes. What we are doing is getting shit done.


  • Mr. Walters: Don't throw the baton, you jackass!


  • Jenko: They don't serve vegan in prison, Bitch.


  • Eric Molson: It rhymes with grape..


  • Schmidt: were like in the end of die hard right now only its our actual life
    Schmidt: We're like, in the end of 'Die Hard' right now, only it's our actual life!


  • Captain Dickson: "You are here because you some Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus lookin' muthafuckers."
    Captain Dickson: You are here because you some Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus lookin' muthafuckers.


  • Jenko: ONE PARTICLE OF UNOBTANIUM HAS A NUCLEAR REACTION WITH THE FLUX CAPACITOR, CARRY THE TWO, CHANGING ITS ATOMIC ISOTOPE INTO A RADIOACTIVE SPIDER. FUCK YOU SCIENCE.
    Jenko: One particle of unobtanium has a nuclear reaction with the flux ... carry the two, changing its atomic isotope into a radioactive spider.


  • Jenko: You are fine as shit! Don't worry, Someone will pick you up!


  • Captain Dickson: There's rumors, On the tweetosphere, that yall throwing a part.


  • Captain Dickson: Are yall throwin a party?
    Captain Dickson: There's rumors, In the tweetosphere, And if my officers are caught giving alcohol to the minors, the'll find themselves in prison, with a snorkel duck-taped to their mouth, and me, shitting down that snorkel!
    Schmidt: Its extremely vivid, thank you!


  • Captain Dickson: And as you can see, this kid is white. That means, people actually give a shit.
    Captain Dickson: Sir, I just wanna throw out to you that I would give a shit if he was black.


  • Schmidt: Sir, I know we come off as a couple of ladykillers, but I promise you we will be super professional on the job.
    Captain Dickson: Clearly I wasn't talkin' to you, big titties! You cherub lookin' motherfucker. I was talkin' to your partner over here, Fake ass handsome McGee! When I'm talkin' to him, I'm talkin' to him. When I say, shut the fuck up, I'm talkin' to you.
    Schmidt: Cool.


  • Captain Dickson: (To Jenko) You hear that? That's you.Don't do it, man. Keep that dirty dick in your pants. Don't fuck no students. Don't fuck no teachers.
    Captain Dickson: [to Jenko] You hear that? That's you. Don't do it, man. Keep that dirty dick in your pants. Don't fuck no students. Don't fuck no teachers.


  • Captain Dickson: Didn't somebody tell you tell you guys this was a undercover unit?
    Schmidt: I don't...I actually didn't...I didn't get a letter or anything. Or a dress code...
    Jenko: Yeah, like...
    Captain Dickson: Teenage the fuck up!


  • Captain Dickson: Everybody comfortable?
    Schmidt: Yeah.
    Captain Dickson: Get your motherfuckin' ass up when I'm talkin'!
    Captain Dickson: You will be going undercover as high school students. You are here simply because you look young. You some Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus lookin' motherfuckers.


  • Captain Dickson: Schmidt, Say's you were a Virgin through high school
    Schmidt: It Says that?
    Captain Dickson: No. I just Assumed it!


  • Captain Dickson: The mission is quick and simple: infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.
    Schmidt: Wait so we get to be brothers?
    Captain Dickson: (shakes his head in annoyance and smashes the desk.) Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!
    Captain Dickson: [shakes his head in annoyance and smashes the desk] Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!
    Jenko: Wait if we find the supplier first then we don't have to worry about the dealers.
    Captain Dickson: Goddamn. (smashes the desk even harder.) INFILTRATE THE DEALERS!! FIND THE SUPPLIER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Captain Dickson: Goddamn. [smashes the desk even harder] INFILTRATE THE DEALERS! FIND THE SUPPLIER!


  • Deputy Chief Hardy: Down on Jump St., 37 Jump St. Nah, that doesn't sound right. Is it........
    Deputy Chief Hardy: Down on Jump St., 37 Jump St. Nah, that doesn't sound right. Is it...


  • Schmidt: Are you saying we're a covalent bond?
    Jenko: No dude, we're not atoms!


  • Schmidt: Jenko, do you wanna go to prom with me?


  • Captain Dickson: i wasnt talking to you not so Slim Shaddy!
    Captain Dickson: I wasn't talking to you not so Slim Shaddy!


  • Captain Dickson: Hey! Hey! Stop fuckin with korean jesus. he aint got time for your problems, hes busy with korean shit!


  • Captain Dickson: Embrace yo stereotypes!


  • Jenko: Fuck you Glee.


  • Eric Molson: Your a cop. You lied to me.
    Schmidt: I'm sorry, man.
    Eric Molson: But you bought us Taco Bell.


  • Schmidt: Where did you learn how to do that?
    Jenko: AP CHEMISTRY BITCH!!
    Jenko: AP CHEMISTRY BITCH!


  • Schmidt: Have some fairy dust motherfucker!!


  • Jenko: Fuck you Science!
    Jenko: Fuck you science!


  • Eric Molson: ....it rhymes with grape!


  • Captain Dickson: Theres gonna be a snorkle taped to your mouth and at the other end ima be shittinG down that tube..
    Captain Dickson: Theres gonna be a snorkle taped to your mouth and at the other end ima be shitting down that tube..


  • Captain Dickson: Don't you be fucking with Korean Jesus! He's busy with Korean shit!


  • Schmidt: Hey Korean Jesus, I don't know if you only cater to Koreans, or even exist.


  • Schmidt: Aroma of Christ Church?


  • Mr. Gordon: You'll never know what you can't achieve, until you don't achieve it.


  • Jenko: This house is adorable!


  • Schmidt: Have some fairy dust..MOTHER FUCKER!
    Schmidt: Have some fairy dust motherfucker!


  • Schmidt: i really thought that was going to explode...
    Schmidt: I really thought that was going to explode.


  • Jenko: Dont feed the ducks...dont do it!
    Jenko: Dont feed the ducks... don't do it!


  • Schmidt: You guys called the cops to get your frisbee out of the pond? Is this really a police matter?
    Jenko: (goes to hand frisbee back to the boy, turns around and throws it back in the pond)
    Jenko: [goes to hand frisbee back to the boy, turns around and throws it back in the pond]
    Jenko: Get your own f*cking frisbee!


  • Jenko: Fuck you Glee
    Jenko: Fuck you, Glee!


  • Jenko: You have the right to remain silent MOTHER FUCKER!
    Jenko: You have the right to remain silent, MOTHER FUCKER!


  • Schmidt: Man... I thought this job would have more car chases and shit...


  • Schmidt: Will you go to prom with me?


  • Jenko: Doves make you look bad-ass!


  • Jenko: FUCK YOU SCIENCE!


  • Captain Dickson: â??Can you two stop fucking with the Korean Jesus!
    Captain Dickson: Can you two stop fucking with the Korean Jesus!


  • Schmidt: When did I get stabbed?! That’s awesome!
    Schmidt: When did I get stabbed?! That's awesome!


  • Captain Dickson: You are here because you some Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus lookin' motherfuckers. You will be going in as undercover high school students.


  • Domingo: You guys even real cops? You look like kids in Halloween
    Jenko: Hey! You want me to beat your dick off?
    Domingo: You want to beat my dick off?
    Schmidt: I think what he was trying to say was, he's gonna punch you so many times round the genital area that your dick's just gonna fall off.


  • Mr. Walters: Put your tongue back in your mouth.


  • Mr. Walters: "When did you go through puberty? Like at 7 or something."
    Mr. Walters: When did you go through puberty? Like at 7 or something.
    Mr. Walters: When did you go through puberty? Like at seven or something.


  • Ms. Griggs: Let me check out your chest... Let me check out your test.


  • Captain Dickson: Do you even know the Miranda rights?
    Jenko: It obviously starts with... you have the right to... remain an attorney...
    Captain Dickson: Did you just say you have the right to be an attorney?
    Schmidt: Well, you do have the right to be an attorney if you want to...


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