Jenko: Dude, I'm so sorry for being a homophone.


Deputy Chief Hardy: Do the same thing as last time. Everyone's happy.


Captain Dickson: What the fuck you all doing you all rashing around here?


Jenko: My name's Jeff.....
Schmidt: Es Jefe, man!


Schmidt: Not the lamborghini, it's a touch childish
Jenko: Okay, what do lambos have anything to do with touching children?


Mercedes: Could you take it to a level of shut up.
Schmidt: OH is this the level your looking for.
Schmidt: Whispering: Shut the fuck up.


Improv Student: Ok,we're going to need an audience suggestion. What is something that we would be hungry for and looking to eat?
Jenko: Tampons!


Schmidt: CYN-THEE-UH. Cynthia.


Zook: Are we wearing the same puka shell necklace?
Jenko: Dude, same pukas


Schmidt: Man, What did you say back there?
Jenko: Something Cool
Schmidt: Yeah, what did you say?
Jenko: Something Cool man
Schmidt: Yeah, but what did you say
Jenko: I said something cool


Schmidt: I wanna sit in bed and watch Friends all day.


Jenko: I thought we had Cate Blanchett with the budget.


Jenko: Something cool!


Jenko: You remember me? I'm your best nightmar... I'm your worst nightmare


Captain Dickson: We jump street...and we're about to jump in your ass.
Schmidt: Right in the crack.


Captain Dickson: We're Jump Street and we're about to jump in your ass.
Schmidt: Right in the crack.


Jenko: We're like a power couple.
Schmidt: We're like Rihanna and Chris Brown. Your a good dancer but sometimes your meaner than like you to be.


Captain Dickson: You two son of a bitches are going to college!


Schmidt: Hey, listen! There's a grenade in my shorts!
Jenko: Is that it?
Schmidt: That's my dick!
Jenko: What about that?
Schmidt: That's my dick also!


Schmidt: Unh...broke my ass.


Jenko: uh oh, co-ed bathrooms.
Schmidt: Fuck. I'm not gonna take a dump the entire time we're here.