The 40 Year Old Virgin - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

The 40 Year Old Virgin Quotes

  • Haziz: So tell me Martel: why weren't we invited to the party? What are we....Al-Qaeda?

  • Andy Stitzer: I may not have had sex, but I can fuck you up.

  • Paula: Hey Andy, take a look at your pal.
    Andy Stitzer: Oh my God.
    Paula: Yeah, he's performing a public colonoscopy.

  • Jay: From now on, your dick is my dick. I'm getting you some pussy.

  • Waxing Lady: You pussy.

  • Trish: You ride a bike to work, in a stockroom!
    Andy Stitzer: Einstein rode a bike to work!
    Trish: He had a wife, who he fucked!

  • Andy Stitzer: I'm not trying to be sexy!

  • Trish: Everybody's dick look big on tv, my sisters dick look big on tv.
    Trish: Everybody dick look big on 60-inch TV, my sister's dick look big on TV.

  • Mooj: this is bullshit on top of bullshit you scumbag ass kisser.
    Mooj: [upon hearing about Andy's promotion] This is the bullshit of all bullshit! Scumbag! Ass kisser.

  • Mooj: What are you? 25?
    Andy Stitzer: I'm 40.
    Mooj: Holy shit, man. You got to get on that.

  • Andy Stitzer: hope you got a big trunk, cause I'm putting my bike in it.
    Andy Stitzer: Hope you got a big trunk, cause I'm putting my bike in it.
    Beth: whooo...yeaaahhh!!!
    Beth: Whooo...yeaaahhh!

  • Cal: u gotta hummer from the tranny didn't ya
    Cal: You got a hummer from the tranny, didn't you?

  • Cal: she likes u man
    Cal: She likes you, man.
    David: too bad i retired my penis
    David: Too bad I retired my penis.

  • David: u look like a man-o-lantern
    David: Dude, you look like a man-o -lantern.

  • Andy Stitzer: u know what i respect women i love women i respect them so much that i completely stay away from them
    Andy Stitzer: You know what? I respect women! I love women! I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them!

  • Andy Stitzer: hold my hand
    Andy Stitzer: Hold my hand.
    Cal: r u kidding me man
    Cal: Are you kidding me?
    Andy Stitzer: hold my goddamn hand man
    Andy Stitzer: Hold my goddamn hand, man!

  • Cal: u know whats a fun game u take 3 excedrin pms and u see if u can wack off before u fall asleep.u always win..is the best part about the game
    Cal: You know what's a fun game? You take 3 excedrin pms and u see if u can wack off before u fall asleep.u always win..is the best part about the game
    Cal: You know what's a fun game? Take 3 Excedrin PM's and see if you can whack off before you fall asleep. You always win, that's the best part about the game
    Cal: You know what's a fun game? Take 3 Excedrin PM's and see if you can whack off before you fall asleep. You always win, that's the best part about the game.

  • Andy Stitzer: hope u have a bug trunk...cause im putting my bike in it
    Andy Stitzer: Hope u have a bug trunk... cause im putting my bike in it.
    Andy Stitzer: Hope you have a bug trunk... cause im putting my bike in it.

  • Andy Stitzer: wow thisis pretty crowded
    Andy Stitzer: Wow this is pretty crowded.
    David: yeah well you knoe $9 beer night
    David: Yeah well you know $9 beer night.

  • Andy Stitzer: C'mon, get some roadburn... C'mon suckaa!
    Andy Stitzer: Get some roadburn!

  • Cal: You know how I know you're gay? I saw you make spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once.
    Cal: You know how I know you're gay?
    David: How?
    Cal: I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once.

  • Andy Stitzer: You know how when you grab a woman's breast... it feels like... a bag of sand.
    David: What?

  • Cal: I touched a guy's balls once in Hebrew School.

  • Andy Stitzer: You know how when you grab a woman's breast... it feels like... a bag of sand.
    Andy Stitzer: You know how when you grab a woman's breast, it feels like, a bag of sand.

  • David: Man what are you talking about? 40s are the new 20s.

  • Mooj: Rich man gets off work, then buys stereo. Not after fucking brunch!

  • Andy Stitzer: Wow, this place is crowded.
    David: Yeah, well, you know... nine dollar beer night.

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