638 Ways to Kill Castro - Movie Reviews - Rotten Tomatoes

638 Ways to Kill Castro Reviews

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½ October 22, 2012
Larga vida al Comandante
February 18, 2012
Reveals over 600 plots to assassinate Fidel Castro using multiple methods from exploding cigars to femmes fatales, a radio station rigged with noxious gas to a poison syringe posing as an innocuous fountain pen.
½ November 12, 2011
Is There Even a Point to Killing Him Anymore?

The running joke is that the way you can tell the CIA didn't kill JFK is that, well, JFK's dead, isn't he? Now, no evidence is provided that many of the plots under discussion were sponsored by the CIA, or even the US at all, though it's certainly true that the US has been unwilling to punish anyone who was ever involved in one of them, even if they along the way committed horrifying acts of terrorism. However, one of the things the film doesn't really touch on is the sheer incompetence of many of these plots. Now, I don't know if the 638 figure includes every CIA plot against Castro, and I hope it does not. After all, there are all those weird plots which posited that merely getting his beard to fall out would lead to his downfall, as if he were some kind of reincarnation of Samson. One way or another, though, it seems as though someone at the CIA had been watching far too much slapstick. I mean, seriously--exploding seashell?

The number comes from Fabian Escalante, who for decades was responsible for the safety of Fidel Castro. In fact, he became so well known for his job that there was a TV show in Cuba in the '70s about Escalante, wherein he thwarted all kinds of plots to kill Castro, presumably with much more flair than anyone in that kind of job shows in the real world. The movie touches briefly on the CIA's history in the assassination game, but for much more, we discuss several expatriate Cubans. One of them, Orlando Bosch, doesn't really seem to have done much to kill Castro per se, though the men knew each other at the University of Havana before the revolution. What he did do was blow up Cubana flight 455. Antonio Veciana, who owns a marine supply story in Miami, came fairly close to actually successfully killing Castro on multiple occasions. Various of these people claim, and probably truthfully, to have received US money for their plots.

Don't get me wrong. I'm hardly pro-Castro. I think most people who are haven't taken a good look at his policies as ruler of Cuba. Though of course I don't think there's much point in killing Castro now, given he's eighty-six and has essentially stepped down. And while his brother now controls Cuba, at least in theory, time is likely to kill the brothers Castro any time now. The point, though, is that I can understand the impulse to want Castro out of power. I am especially irritated by people who sing his praises without actually knowing anything about what things are really like in Cuba. This means that I am mildly irritated at the film, as it completely glosses over any reasons anyone might legitimately have for wanting to get rid of Castro. Or even, given what that would have taken forty years ago, to have killed him. In fact, we are supposed to take it as read that the whole thing is just Evil American Imperialism just like everything else the US does. Indeed, its very assumption seems to be that every one of those plots was sponsored in some way by the US, which is unlikely at best.

In fact, by its very assumptions, the film fails to understand its subject matter. The special features show that Antonio Veciana claims to have met Lee Harvey Oswald in the office of Veciana's FBI handler a month before the assassination, despite the fact that the identity of said handler is unknown. And, indeed, flies in the face of a lot of interagency conflict. Filmmaker Dollan Cannell consistently refers to the various attempted assassins as US agents, which also shows a lack of understanding of how these sorts of things work. As in, you aren't an agent just because they've given you money and encouraged you. Oh, it's unquestionably true that the US government attempted to enlist the Mafia in the common cause of ousting Castro. However, they didn't have to enlist a lot of people; a lot of people are perfectly happy to do this sort of thing on their own. And it doesn't always have anything to do with what end of the political spectrum they're on.

Frankly, the title is a lie. No one has ever believed that the bomb on Cubana flight 455 was actually an attempt on the life of Fidel Castro. No one has ever believed that anyone thought Castro was on it. Yes. US policy toward Cuba has been contrary to international law in a lot of ways, given the assassination attempts and all. Yes. It's absolutely wrong that Orlando Bosch died peacefully in Miami in the bosom of his family. And so forth. And certainly there are parallels to be drawn between the history of US relations with Cuba and the War on Terror. However, those parallels are not always the ones the movie is drawing, and the problem there is in part because no interest is shown in what Castro has done wrong. Though at least they have the decency to include an interview with Jimmy Carter about Cuba, including explaining how Fidel Castro violated US trust when Carter eased relations with Cuba. However, it's too little, too late, and it doesn't alter the problems with the film itself.
½ August 3, 2011
What can you say about a fifty year effort that has a documented 638 attempts without success? Is the CIA that incompetent? It would certainly appear so as they have been unable to kill a World Leader like Castro - a crime, by the way, in any sense of the word.

The head of Cuban intelligence is the focus of this funny and interesting documentary that outlines some of the strange and downright weird ways that attempts have been made on Castro's life, from exploding cigars to poisons to guns and exploding fish, as well as the infamous Bay of Pigs.

The film weaves movie clips throughout as they obviously don't have film of the real attempts, and it makes for an enjoyable film. There are many interviews with the terrorists in Miami that made attempts that failed, and even George Bush made an appearance talking about those who harbor terrorists while all the while harboring two big ones himself.

He who laughs last laughs best.
March 4, 2011
Very interesting programme. Long live Fidel Castro. Down with American terrorism.
½ August 21, 2009
It just can't be done.
February 14, 2009
Such an absurdly hilarious premise, ruined by dumb and boring movie tricks. What a shame.
January 16, 2009
Good documentary, specifically the parts regarding the help the Bush adminsitration has given to Cuban terrorists to evade justice. The problems that are dissapoing with the documentary:
- It gives little depth into details about the situation and does not mention more then a few such attempts <-- and most of the attempts mentioned in the movie have been known for years. Yes the number 638 is too large to deal in such a short time span, but more examples can be highlighted then the documentary has.
- In the parts dealing with the Cuban terrorists living with impunity in the state the movie focuses to much on the Bush administration, completely ignoring the fact that the individuals in question have been protected by previous administrations and for decades.

To the first point people might respond, "Those are still state secrets." However, the movie was released after Castro's health deterioriated and the people behind the movie could have tried to gauge more information. Hopefully to deal with the lack of information into the details of the attack a more expanded version is made.

The documentary is also better suited as two. One dealing with the assasination attempts on Castro and another dealing with the story behind the Cuban airliner bombing and the terrorists present in the Miami Cuban exile community who through politican connections evade justice and are protected by not just the bush administration but also previous administrations.

Another thing missing from the documentary is how the Cubans caught on to these attempts and how they prevented them from occuring. This is mentioned briefly for one or two attempts, but the details are rather vague.
½ December 18, 2008
I was very disappointed in this documentary. Cheesy background music at times, phony "secret agent man" clips (and no, I am not talking about the old Cuban television series footage), and very little depth into the assassination attempts on a man who everyone wanted dead at some point. I can understand if people don't want to talk, but then don't bother making the movie. Especially if you are trying to put something of quality out there. I was excited to watch this and walked away beyond disappointed that there wasn't more to it. The people that did talk really didn't have much to say either. Anti-Castro people spoke as they should and pro-Castro spoke as they should, but no one provided anything of meaningful content. The one thing, and I mean ONE thing that I did find intriguing was the story behind the Cuban airliner disaster. That provided some details and illustrated some interesting political connections. Otherwise, what a waste of film this was. And only slightly informative. I love the description of this flim: "a look at the evolution of Cuban politics". Are you serious? Maybe a look at the evolution if you were in a 6th grade world poli course and needed a day to review Cuba-US relations. Sad, very sad. I hate wasting my time.
November 24, 2008
A really solid documentary about various assassination attempts made against Fidel Castro. It was amazing to see how many of them were planned by our government and CIA. It was also amazing to see how the Bush family yet again smears the American name, this time by harboring Cuban terrorists in our country. A truly informative and intriguing documentary:)
November 21, 2008
Definitely makes you think about how strong of a person that he is to survive all of that
November 4, 2008
definitely worth watching - interesting to see how many attempts were made - but odd how none of them were successful...
½ September 19, 2008
Interesting doc but the relentless use of stock footage from old gangster movies to illustrate the facts and scenarios got a little annoying. However it does a good job illustrating the hypocrisy of US policy and all its posturing, especially when dealing with Cuba and its dictator.
½ August 18, 2008
Adequately informative doc about all the ways Castro has been attempted to be assassinated. They only focus on about seven or eight, and it's frustrating that they constantly abandon assassination plots that deserve more than a 5-second mention. It also has a head-scratchingly bizzare comical tone.
July 28, 2008
Short and shallow documentary about the assassination attempts made on Fidel Castro. Needed to go into far more detail be of any interest.
July 9, 2008
Interesting documentary isn't quite as compelling as its subject - fascinating stories from terrorists/freedom fighters/harmless-looking old men themselves get an uneven presentation that relies too heavily on overly-edited clips and distracting sound effects. Despite the inherent absurdity of the situation, it tries to be funny in all the wrong places, and sometimes tries to pull sympathy just as awkwardly. Still, this is a fascinating subject that makes this movie worth watching in spite of its flaws.
July 7, 2008
Time to re-define terrorism...
May 19, 2008
Clever film that not only looks at the many ways people tried to assinate Castro but also the mirror that reveals the ugliness of Americas foreign policy towards Cuba. It revelas how America turned a blind eye to terroist attacks on cuba. The vigour that Cuba is villified reminds me of 1950s America and McCarthyism.
May 15, 2008
Teresita Frometa: He's an old man. But -pardon my language- he really fuck's everyone off. He's such a fucker we have to fuck his life and fuck him up.

Great documentary. Entertaining in parts when it discusses some of the ridiculous operations that were planned against Castro (poisoned wet-suits, exploding cigars, spraying his TV studio with LSD) but shocking in the later parts when it discusses terrorist attacks on Cuba by Miami based anti-Castro Cubans (including civilian airline and tourist hotel bombings) despite which these groups continue to receive US government aid and protection.
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