Crazy, Stupid, Love. - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

Crazy, Stupid, Love. Quotes

  • Cal: I imagine you suffocating under a pile of women.


  • Hannah: Oh, you think coffee and sleep don't go together? Well they do if it's High Point. It's decaffeinated!
    Hannah: Oh, you think coffee and sleep don't go together? Well, they do if it's High Point. It's decaffeinated!


  • Jacob: I am wildly unhappy.


  • Hannah: Daddy?
    Jacob: Please, stop calling him that.


  • Jacob: You know at the end of the film, where Patrick Swayze lifts the girl up in the air? I put that song on, the women jump into my arms and then they want to have sex with me.
    Hannah: It's not going to work on me.


  • Cal: I feel like I'm going skiing...


  • Emily: I'm so glad you bought me that ice cream.


  • Cal: I'm worried you might have AIDS.


  • Robbie: So you're the reason for my parent's break-up (talking to David).
    Robbie: So you're the reason for my parent's break-up [talking to David]


  • Cal: I slept with 9 different women...(hestitates) oh god...
    Cal: I slept with nine different women... [hestitates] Oh god.


  • Jessica: He doesn't even know about the naked photos!
    Cal: WHAT?!?
    Cal: WHAT?


  • David Lindhagen: Is this a bad time?


  • Hannah: I love curling up with a rich cup of coffee. What? You think coffee and sleep donâ??t mix? Well they do if itâ??s high point... its decaffeinated! And the flavor is MARVOLOUS!
    Hannah: I love curling up with a rich cup of coffee. What? You think coffee and sleep don't mix? Well they do if it's high point... its decaffeinated! And the flavor is MARVOLOUS!


  • Jacob: "The war between the sexes is over. We won that war the day women started doing pole dancing for exercise'.
    Jacob: The war between the sexes is over. We won that war the day women started doing pole dancing for exercise.


  • Cal: You are the perfect combination of perfect and cute..


  • Hannah: Seriously? It's like you're Photoshopped.


  • Robbie: Well, the A they're both wearing I think it stands for 'asshole'. Wanna know why? Because they fell in love and love is for stupid assholes. And this book is just about a bunch of assholes who fell in love, like assholes then had to die, like assholes. I'm sorry about all the 'assholes'.


  • Cal: Oh my God, you just miyagi'd me
    Cal: Oh my God, you did. You Miyagi'd me!


  • Emily Weaver: Spreadsheets.
    David Lindhagen: Spreadsheets.
    Emily Weaver: See you at work...
    David Lindhagen: Yeah...see you at work


  • Hannah: Seriously? It's like you're photoshopped!


  • Jacob Palmer: I work dirty dancing into the conversation.
    Hannah: That's the most rediculous thing I've ever heard
    Hannah: That's the most rediculous thing I've ever heard.


  • Jacob Palmer: You see that, Cal. As soon as you opened your mouth Tiffany starting doubting wheather she wanted to sleep with you anymore.
    Cal: That's probably the meanest thing anyone's every said to me.


  • Jacob: You gotta play your strengths Cal, that's all any of us can do.
    Jacob: You play your strengths, Pal. That's all any of us can do.


  • Hannah: I'm R-rated sexy.


  • Jacob: Cal, be better than the Gap. Be better than the Gap. Say it.
    Cal: I'm better than the Gap
    Cal: I'm better than the Gap.


  • Jacob: Are you Steve Jobs?
    Cal: What?
    Jacob: Hold on a second. Are you the billionaire owner of Apple Computers?
    Cal: No.
    Jacob: Oh. Okay. Well, in that case, you got no right to wear New Balance sneakers ever.


  • Jacob Palmer: Honestly, I don't know if I should help you or I should euthanize you.


  • Cal: I should not jumped out of that car. I should have fought for you. 'cause you fight for your soul mates.
    Cal: I should not jumped out of that car. I should have fought for you. 'Cause you fight for your soul mates.
    Cal: I should not have jumped out of that car. I should have fought, for you. 'Cause you fight for your soul mates.


  • Liz: You're life is so PG-13.


  • Jacob Palmer: The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sack.
    Cal Weaver: (looking at the mirror) It does.
    Cal Weaver: [looking at the mirror] It does.


  • Cal: Who told you that Emily & I are getting a divorce?
    Cal's Boss: [shrugs] Amy heard you crying in the bathroom.. We all thought it was cancer.
    Cal's Boss: (shrugs) Amy heard you crying in the bathroom.. We all thought you had cancer
    Cal: Ohh... [rolling his eyes]
    Cal: Ohh.. (rolling his eyes)
    Cal's Boss: Thank God man! [laughing loudly]
    Cal's Boss: Thank God maaan! (laughing loudly)
    Cal: Yeah, just my relationship.
    Cal: Yeah.. Just my relationship..
    Cal's Boss: (laughing) Thank God!


  • Jacob: "The war between the sexes is over. We won the second women started doing pole dancing for exercise."
    Jacob: The war between the sexes is over. We won the second women started doing pole dancing for exercise.


  • Cal: Would you please put some clothes on?
    Cal: Would you put on some clothes please?
    Jacob: Why? Does it bother you?
    Jacob: Oh I'm sorry, is this bothering you?


  • Emily Weaver: I don't know when you and I stopped being us.


  • Hannah: Take off your shirt.
    Jacob Palmer: What? Why?
    Jacob Palmer: Why? [Jacob removes his shirt]
    Jacob Palmer: Why?
    Hannah: Will you just take off your shirt? Seriously?? It's like you're photoshopped!
    Hannah: Will you just take off your shirt? Seriously? It's like you're photoshopped!
    Hannah: Will you just take off your shirt?
    Cal: [Jacob removes his shirt]
    Jacob Palmer: [removes his shirt]
    Hannah: Seriously? It's like you're photoshopped!


  • Hannah: Seriously? it's like you're photoshopped!
    Hannah: Seriously!? It's like you're photoshopped!


  • Jacob Palmer: "Be better than the gap"
    Jacob Palmer: Be better than the gap.


  • Emily Weaver: You know when I told you when I had to work late? I really went to go see the new twilight movie by myself, and it was so bad.


  • Bernie: Hey the ladies man guy. Got any tips of the trade?


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