Crazy, Stupid, Love. Quotes

  • Cal: I imagine you suffocating under a pile of women.


  • Hannah: Oh, you think coffee and sleep don't go together? Well they do if it's High Point. It's decaffeinated!
    Hannah: Oh, you think coffee and sleep don't go together? Well, they do if it's High Point. It's decaffeinated!


  • Jacob: I am wildly unhappy.


  • Hannah: Daddy?
    Jacob: Please, stop calling him that.


  • Hannah: Daddy?
    Jacob: Please, stop calling him that.


  • Jacob: You know at the end of the film, where Patrick Swayze lifts the girl up in the air? I put that song on, the women jump into my arms and then they want to have sex with me.
    Hannah: It's not going to work on me.


  • Cal: I feel like I'm going skiing...


  • Emily: I'm so glad you bought me that ice cream.


  • Cal: I'm worried you might have AIDS.


  • Cal: I'm worried you might have AIDS.


  • Robbie: So you're the reason for my parent's break-up (talking to David).
    Robbie: So you're the reason for my parent's break-up [talking to David]


  • Robbie: So you're the reason for my parent's break-up (talking to David).


  • Cal: I slept with 9 different women...(hestitates) oh god...
    Cal: I slept with nine different women... [hestitates] Oh god.


  • Cal: I slept with 9 different women...(hestitates) oh god...


  • Jessica: He doesn't even know about the naked photos!
    Cal: WHAT?!?
    Cal: WHAT?


  • Jessica: He doesn't even know about the naked photos!
    Cal: WHAT?!?


  • David Lindhagen: Is this a bad time?


  • Hannah: I love curling up with a rich cup of coffee. What? You think coffee and sleep donâ??t mix? Well they do if itâ??s high point... its decaffeinated! And the flavor is MARVOLOUS!
    Hannah: I love curling up with a rich cup of coffee. What? You think coffee and sleep don't mix? Well they do if it's high point... its decaffeinated! And the flavor is MARVOLOUS!


  • Jacob: "The war between the sexes is over. We won that war the day women started doing pole dancing for exercise'.
    Jacob: The war between the sexes is over. We won that war the day women started doing pole dancing for exercise.


  • Cal: You are the perfect combination of perfect and cute..


  • Hannah: Seriously? It's like you're Photoshopped.


  • Robbie: Well, the A they're both wearing I think it stands for 'asshole'. Wanna know why? Because they fell in love and love is for stupid assholes. And this book is just about a bunch of assholes who fell in love, like assholes then had to die, like assholes. I'm sorry about all the 'assholes'.


  • Cal: Oh my God, you just miyagi'd me
    Cal: Oh my God, you did. You Miyagi'd me!


  • Emily Weaver: Spreadsheets.
    David Lindhagen: Spreadsheets.
    Emily Weaver: See you at work...
    David Lindhagen: Yeah...see you at work


  • Hannah: Take off your shirt.
    Jacob: (Takes off shirt)
    Hannah: F**K! Seriously?! It's like they're photoshopped.


  • Hannah: Seriously? It's like you're photoshopped!


  • Jacob Palmer: I work dirty dancing into the conversation.
    Hannah: That's the most rediculous thing I've ever heard
    Hannah: That's the most rediculous thing I've ever heard.


  • Jacob Palmer: You see that, Cal. As soon as you opened your mouth Tiffany starting doubting wheather she wanted to sleep with you anymore.
    Cal: That's probably the meanest thing anyone's every said to me.


  • Jacob: You gotta play your strengths Cal, that's all any of us can do.
    Jacob: You play your strengths, Pal. That's all any of us can do.


  • Hannah: I'm R-rated sexy.


  • David Lindhagen: waooo...........everything was in these movie such as romance.,drama, action and many more.......


  • David Lindhagen: waooo...........everything was in these movie such as romance.,drama, action and many more.......


  • David Lindhagen: waooo...........everything was in these movie such as romance.,drama, action and many more.......


  • David Lindhagen: waooo...........everything was in these movie such as romance.,drama, action and many more.......


  • David Lindhagen: waooo...........everything was in these movie such as romance.,drama, action and many more.......


  • David Lindhagen: waooo...........everything was in these movie such as romance.,drama, action and many more.......


  • David Lindhagen: waooo...........everything was in these movie such as romance.,drama, action and many more.......


  • David Lindhagen: waooo...........everything was in these movie such as romance.,drama, action and many more.......


  • Jacob: Cal, be better than the Gap. Be better than the Gap. Say it.
    Cal: I'm better than the Gap
    Cal: I'm better than the Gap.


  • Jacob: Are you Steve Jobs?
    Cal: What?
    Jacob: Hold on a second. Are you the billionaire owner of Apple Computers?
    Cal: No.
    Jacob: Oh. Okay. Well, in that case, you got no right to wear New Balance sneakers ever.


  • Jacob: Are you Steve Jobs?
    Cal: What?
    Jacob: Hold on a second. Are you the billionaire owner of Apple Computers?
    Cal: No.
    Jacob: Oh. Okay. Well, in that case, you got no right to wear New Balance sneakers ever.


  • Jacob Palmer: Honestly, I don't know if I should help you or I should euthanize you.


  • Hannah: Seriously... It's like you're photoshopped!


  • Cal: I should not jumped out of that car. I should have fought for you. 'cause you fight for your soul mates.
    Cal: I should not jumped out of that car. I should have fought for you. 'Cause you fight for your soul mates.
    Cal: I should not have jumped out of that car. I should have fought, for you. 'Cause you fight for your soul mates.


  • Emily: When I told you when I had to work late? I really went to go see the new Twilight movie by myself, and it was so bad.


  • Jacob Palmer: You're adorable.
    Hannah: No. I'm sexy, I am R-Rated sexy. I know what happens in the PG-13 version of tonight, all right? I know, is that...I get really drunk, and I passed out, and you cover me with a blanket, and kissed me on the cheek and nothing happens.


  • Liz: Seriously? Conan 'O Brien? You would do Conan 'O Brien?
    Hannah: Oh my god, YES!
    Liz: Ew . Friend to friend: "Ew"


  • Liz: Seriously? Conan 'O Brien? You would do Conan 'O Brien?
    Hannah: Oh my god, YES!
    Liz: Ew . Friend to friend: "Ew"


  • Hannah: I know i seemed confident back at the bar, but that was mostly because I was cold...and wet...and trying to be dramatic.


  • Liz: You're life is so PG-13.


  • Jacob Palmer: The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sack.
    Cal Weaver: (looking at the mirror) It does.
    Cal Weaver: [looking at the mirror] It does.


  • Cal: Who told you that Emily & I are getting a divorce?
    Cal's Boss: [shrugs] Amy heard you crying in the bathroom.. We all thought it was cancer.
    Cal's Boss: (shrugs) Amy heard you crying in the bathroom.. We all thought you had cancer
    Cal: Ohh... [rolling his eyes]
    Cal: Ohh.. (rolling his eyes)
    Cal's Boss: Thank God man! [laughing loudly]
    Cal's Boss: Thank God maaan! (laughing loudly)
    Cal: Yeah, just my relationship.
    Cal: Yeah.. Just my relationship..
    Cal's Boss: (laughing) Thank God!


  • Cal: His friend walks out on him, he stands outside the restaurant, and it begins to rain on him. He looks up at the rain and says, "This is such a cliche."


  • Molly: What?


  • Cal: â??I met my soulmate when I was 15 years old. We went out for ice cream. After my dad started teasing me my about my first date- the way dads do. And I told him, â??Dad, its no big deal. Iâ??m going to be going out with a lot of different girls on a lot of different date.â?? And that is the first time I ever lied to my father. I met my soulmate when I was 15 years old. And I have loved her for every minute of every day since I bought her that mint chocolate chip ice cream cone. I have loved her through the birth of perfect children. I have loved her even when Iâ??ve hated herâ?¦And I donâ??t know if its going to work out. I donâ??t know whats going to happenâ?¦But I can promise you this. I will never stop trying. Because when you find the one, you never give up. â??


  • Cal: â??I met my soulmate when I was 15 years old. We went out for ice cream. After my dad started teasing me my about my first date- the way dads do. And I told him, â??Dad, its no big deal. Iâ??m going to be going out with a lot of different girls on a lot of different date.â?? And that is the first time I ever lied to my father. I met my soulmate when I was 15 years old. And I have loved her for every minute of every day since I bought her that mint chocolate chip ice cream cone. I have loved her through the birth of perfect children. I have loved her even when Iâ??ve hated herâ?¦And I donâ??t know if its going to work out. I donâ??t know whats going to happenâ?¦But I can promise you this. I will never stop trying. Because when you find the one, you never give up. â??


  • Jacob: "The war between the sexes is over. We won the second women started doing pole dancing for exercise."
    Jacob: The war between the sexes is over. We won the second women started doing pole dancing for exercise.


  • Cal Weaver: When you find the one, you never give up.


  • Cal: Would you please put some clothes on?
    Cal: Would you put on some clothes please?
    Jacob: Why? Does it bother you?
    Jacob: Oh I'm sorry, is this bothering you?


  • Emily Weaver: I don't know when you and I stopped being us.


  • Cal: "I shouldn't have jumped out of that car. I should've fought, for you."


  • Cal: I am going to do something to you that will make my ex-wife jealous.


  • Robbie: She's my soulmate and she doesn't even care...


  • Hannah: What's your big move?
    Jacob Palmer: I work Dirty Dancing into the conversation!


  • Jacob Palmer: You're a double negative!


  • Cal: "the sweater says 'slim fit' but it really feels like i'm wearing a scuba suit..."


  • Cal's Boss: You're getting a divorce?
    Cal: Yeah.
    Cal's Boss: Amy heard you crying in the bathroom. We all thought it was cancer.
    Cal: Oh...
    Cal's Boss: Thank God, man!!
    Cal: Yeah, just my relationship.


  • Hannah: Take off your shirt.
    Jacob Palmer: What? Why?
    Jacob Palmer: Why? [Jacob removes his shirt]
    Jacob Palmer: Why?
    Hannah: Will you just take off your shirt? Seriously?? It's like you're photoshopped!
    Hannah: Will you just take off your shirt? Seriously? It's like you're photoshopped!
    Hannah: Will you just take off your shirt?
    Cal: [Jacob removes his shirt]
    Jacob Palmer: [removes his shirt]
    Hannah: Seriously? It's like you're photoshopped!


  • Officer Huang: Keep it in the family.


  • Cal: I bought a gun from a shady internet website and I am prepared to shoot you in the face.


  • Hannah: My life is not PG 13


  • Hannah: Seriously? it's like you're photoshopped!
    Hannah: Seriously!? It's like you're photoshopped!


  • Jacob Palmer: "Be better than the gap"
    Jacob Palmer: Be better than the gap.


  • Jacob: Be better than The Gap.


  • Emily Weaver: You know when I told you when I had to work late? I really went to go see the new twilight movie by myself, and it was so bad.


  • Bernie: Hey the ladies man guy. Got any tips of the trade?


Find More Movie Quotes