American Pie 5: The Naked Mile - Movie Reviews - Rotten Tomatoes

American Pie 5: The Naked Mile Reviews

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February 25, 2017
MULTIPLE SPOILERS*** YOU'VE BEEN WARNED****


This movie is shockingly awful. I can't remember the last time a movie actually caused me to lose brain cells by watching it. Let me put things into perspective for you, the very first scene is Stifler jacking off, then accidentally jizzing all over his grandmother, who consequently dies afterwards. Okay okay okay, if that didn't paint the picture in your head, this about this - I actually thought the funniest scene in the entire film, might be a close up shot of a giant rotating dildo.. flopping around on the floor. And the only reason THAT might be funny is because it's so fucking STUPID!
The storyline is haphazard, the acting is sub-par at best, and the casting director was probably intoxicated while working this project. In fact, this person should just excuse themselves from ever casting again. I don't think I have ever seen anything so incohesive in my entire life. Why were there so many god damn midget scenes? Like I couldn't even wrap my head around the first one, let alone...having to endure it throughout the rest of the flick. Why didn't the writers choose like, normal sized people to play the opposing football team? There were actually so many more open-ended questions that this feeble plot engendered, that I've literally lost count. Why did the writers elect Jim's dad to lead the naked, boner run? Why were Tracy's friends like....the most awful friends in the world to her? Why did they make Tracy look like a pale baby chicken with gross bangs? Why was there a boner competition? Why why why why why.
I wonder if the actors and actresses in this film knew they were being conned into murdering their own careers.. I feel bad for them, I would never want my name associated with this immaculate piece of shit. If I ever met the director and the writer of this film in person, I would ask them to compensate me for the 1.5 hours of my life I wasted watching their shit laden, neglected step child of a film. Then I would punch them. How do they sleep at night knowing they created this? Where is their sense of artistry? Are they twiddling their fingers right now, knowing they tricked everyone into wasting valuable life-minutes? What conscience do they have left, after subjecting countless other people to this cringe inducing, worthless, compilation of chaotic nonsense. Perhaps the ONLY saving grace of this entire ordeal, is that SOME of these girls are hot! Too bad that doesn't really matter, because the nonsensical ( and borderline angering) progression of the film would be an immediate boner-killer, for even the perverts!! Even the pervs would be like, "Wait, what?".
Don't watch this movie unless you have absolutely NOTHING else going for you. I've seen some awful movies in my lifetime, this might very well take the prize for biggest clump of cinematic excrement ever created. This turd may have well as came out of the directors asshole, and smeared all over my TV screen. Stay clear...

-Max
January 1, 2017
1 star for gratuitous nudity. 1 star for midgets. And another for gratuitous nudity!
December 18, 2016
Pure shit
If you want to get drunk and watch a bad movie this is the movie for you.
Don't watch this sober it's not worth it. I would rather watch batman and robin and that's saying something
½ September 17, 2016
More nudity, less of a comedy.
August 31, 2016
Saw this on Netflix, will never get that one hour and forty two minutes back!
½ July 18, 2016
Of all the straight-to-video portrayals of "Stifler", Steve Talley is the funniest one by far.
July 1, 2016
Better then Band camp but not as good as the original trilogy. This surprised me it was really funny and really enjoyable to watch American pie has come back up I just hope it stays there.
May 2, 2016
it is a funny and cool movie
April 1, 2016
Its American Pie enough said! You should know what to expect!
½ August 28, 2015
too many midgets...i hate midgets more than white people
July 5, 2015
Even though the premise given is somewhat clever and the feel of that this is so typichal American Pie, the acting is still mediocre, the driecting is as dull as before, and the storytelling is still weak, but it can for some reason bring you a little laughter.
½ June 1, 2015
boobs pussy dick sex. is.all this pile of terribly acted shit offers
May 16, 2015
The latest in the strait-to-video to cash in on a franchise Pie movie is actually not too bad. This movie has some funny moments and is much better than the previous Band Camp. Despite crappy acting, poor production quality, and being inferior to the first three films, this is sure to be a DVD hit that will inspire yet another strait-to-video sequel.
November 14, 2014
Ostensibly this is a dirty, raunchy, sex comedy with plenty of drinking, partying, and nudity but at heart it's a sweet and innocent love story. It involves a member of the Stifler clan who is trying to live up to the standards set by other members of his family that have appeared in other American Pie films and lose his virginity before graduating from high school. His girlfriend isn't ready but she gives him a 'guilt-free pass' to do whatever he wants over a weekend spent at a nearby college. He heads right for the fraternity to prepare for the Naked Mile, a nude sprint through campus to celebrate the end of exams loosely based on an actual tradition practiced at the University of Michigan in the 1990s. (There's also an inter-fraternity football game played in the mud reminiscent of another UM tradition, the Mudbowl.) The movie is full of promiscuous coeds, drinking games, and antagonistic midgets, heavily reliant on the notion of college put forward by Animal House and perpetuated in a long line of similar films determined to show why, with freedom and decadence, these are the best years of your life.
JohnSilver
Super Reviewer
½ October 28, 2014
Simplement un gros party de debauche avec une fin previsible depuis le tout debut! La famille des Stifler font la survie de la serie...
½ October 23, 2014
Best of the spinoffs. Solid plotand a decent amount of laughs....and nudity.
October 21, 2014
For a straight to DVD movie this is great. It is actually not as bad as most of the party movies out there and it has a few hilarious scenes in it. The acting was bad, but do you really watch comedies for the acting performances? I don't. I like all of the American Pie movies, but then again, I'm a part of the target audience.
September 13, 2014
not even that one smoking hot foreign girls tits could save this piece of shit from crashing and burning
August 10, 2014
A spin=off that feels like a spin-off, it keeps the names but ditches most of the essence. Not a laugh out loud ordeal like the originals, but an entertaining one nevertheless.
July 20, 2014
In my opinion, just mediocre at best. The 2nd film in this straight-to-dvd series is thankfully not as painful as the last one, but it still wasn't good. Most of the humor never hit with me, most of the characters aren't relateable or very likeable because they come off as heavy partiers and excessive partying is not my style or idea of having a good time, and the acting wasn't very good either. The naked mile sequence was a little fun to watch because we rarely see something like that in a film, John White as Erik Stifler was just ok, and the scenes with Eugene Levy were good. For me, those were the only positives with the movie.
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