Annie Hall - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

Annie Hall Quotes

  • Alvy Singer: In California, they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into TV shows.


  • Annie Hall: Do you want chocolate milk?
    Alvy Singer: What am I your son?


  • Alvy Singer: That was the most fun I've ever had without laughing.


  • Alvy Singer: I don't respond well to mellow. If I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.


  • Pam: I'm a Rosicrucian myself.
    Alvy Singer: Are you?
    Pam: Yeah.
    Alvy Singer: I can't get with any religion that advertises in Popular Mechanics.


  • Mom Hall: Ann tells us that you've been seeing a psychiatrist for fifteen years.
    Alvy Singer: Yes. I'm making excellent progress. Pretty soon when I lie down on his couch, I won't have to wear the lobster bib.


  • Annie Hall: La-dee-da, la-dee-da.


  • Alvy Singer: We can walk to the curb from here
    Alvy Singer: We can walk to the curb from here.


  • Alvy Singer: I took a puff five years ago and I tried to take off my pants over my head
    Alvy Singer: I took a puff five years ago and I tried to take off my pants over my head.


  • Alvy Singer: Honey, you have a spider in there the size of a Buick
    Alvy Singer: Honey, you have a spider in there the size of a Buick.
    Alvy Singer: Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick
    Alvy Singer: Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.


  • Alvy Singer: I was depressed at that time. I was in analysis. I was suicidal as a matter of fact and would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and, if you kill yourself, they make you pay for the sessions you miss.


  • Annie Hall: It's so clean out here.
    Alvy Singer: In Beverly Hills, they don't throw their garbage away -- they turn it into television shows.


  • Pam: Did you catch Dylan?
    Alvy Singer: No, I couldn't make it-- my raccoon had hepatitis.
    Pam: You have a raccoon?
    Alvy Singer: Few.


  • Alvy Singer: Darling, I've been killing spiders since I was thirty, OK?


  • Alvy Singer: Uh, I've gotta go now, Duane. I'm due back on the planet Earth.


  • Alvy Singer: Corned beef should not be blue.


  • Alvy Singer: You know, even as a kid, I always went for the wrong women. I think that's my problem. When my mother took me to see Snow White, everyone fell in love with Snow White. I immediately fell for the Wicked Queen.


  • Alvy Singer: Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love.


  • Alvy Singer: And I thought of that old joke. This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken." The doctor says, "Why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's, now, how I feel about relationships. They're totally irrational, crazy and absurd. But I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs.
    Alvy Singer: And I thought of that old joke. This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken.' The doctor says, 'Why don't you turn him in?' The guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.' Well, I guess that's, now, how I feel about relationships. They're totally irrational, crazy and absurd. But I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs.


  • Alvy Singer: Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships– you know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd, but, I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs
    Alvy Singer: Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships? You know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd, but, I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs.


  • Lacey Party Guest: "Well, you take a meeting with him, I'll take a meeting with you, if you take a meeting with Freddy."
    Lacey Party Guest: Well, you take a meeting with him, I'll take a meeting with you, if you take a meeting with Freddy.
    Lacey Party Guest: "I took a meeting with Freddy. Freddy took a meeting with Charlie. You take a meeting with him."
    Lacey Party Guest: I took a meeting with Freddy. Freddy took a meeting with Charlie. You take a meeting with him.
    Lacey Party Guest: "All the good meetings we've taken..."
    Lacey Party Guest: All the good meetings we've taken...


  • Lacey Party Guest: "Right now its only a no show, but I think I can get money to turn it into a concept, and then later into an idea..."
    Lacey Party Guest: Right now its only a no show, but I think I can get money to turn it into a concept, and then later into an idea...


  • Alvy Singer: "Right, I have to go now Dwayne, cause I'm due back on the planet earth...."
    Alvy Singer: Right, I have to go now Dwayne, cause I'm due back on the planet earth...


  • Alvy Singer: Look, there's God coming out of the mens room.


  • Alvy Singer: I really wanted to be an anarchist but I didn't know where to register.


  • Alvy Singer: [addresses a pair of strangers on the street] Here, you look like a very happy couple, um, are you?
    Street Stranger: Yeah.
    Alvy Singer: Yeah? So, so, how do you account for it?
    Street Stranger: Uh, I'm very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say.
    Street Stranger: And I'm exactly the same way.
    Alvy Singer: I see. Wow. That's very interesting. So you've managed to work out something?


  • Alvy's Psychiatrist: [Alvy and Annie are seeing their therapists at the same time on a split screen] How often do you sleep together?
    Annie's Psychiatrist: Do you have sex often?
    Alvy Singer: [lamenting] Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.
    Annie Hall: [annoyed] Constantly. I'd say three times a week.


  • Alvy Singer: I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.


  • Alvy Singer: What is this, you got Black Soap?


  • Alvy Singer: Love is too weak a word. I lurve you, I loave you, I luff you.


  • Alvy Singer: You, you, you are like New York, Jewish, leftwing, liberal, intellectual, Central Park West, Brandeis University, the socialist summer camps and the, the father with the Ben Shahn drawings, right, and the really, y'know, strike-oriented kind of, red diaper, stop me before I make a complete imbecile of myself.
    Allison: No, that was wonderful. I love being reduced to a cultural stereotype.


  • Pam: Sex with you is really a Kafka-esque experience.
    Alvy Singer: Oh, thank you.
    Pam: I mean that as a complement.


  • Alvy Singer: What's with all these awards? They're always giving out awards. Best Fascist Dictator: Adolf Hitler.


  • Alvy Singer: They did not take me in the Army. I was, um, interestingly enough, I was, I was 4-P. Yes. In the, in the event of war, I'm a hostage.
    Alvy Singer: hey did not take me in the Army. I was, um, interestingly enough, I was, I was 4- P. Yes. In the, in the event of war, I'm a hostage.


  • Alvy Singer: His name is David, right? Isn't that religious. What does he call you, Bathsheeba?
    Annie Hall: Alvy! what's the problem with you?


  • Alvy Singer: Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you...


  • Rehearsal Director: "Touch my heart...with your foot."
    Rehearsal Director: Touch my heart... with your foot.


  • Alvy Singer: With your wife in bed, does she need some kind of artificial stimulation, like, like marijuana?
    Street Stranger: We use a large vibrating egg
    Street Stranger: We use a large vibrating egg.


  • Alvy Singer: Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.


  • Alvy Singer: I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.


  • Annie Hall: La-dee-da, La-dee-da.


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