As Good as It Gets - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

As Good as It Gets Quotes

  • Melvin Udall: People who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch.


  • Melvin Udall: Some of us have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes, with boats, and friends, and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story; good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good.


  • Melvin Udall: Well, I work all the time. So never interrupt me. Not if there's a fire. Not even if you hear the sound of a thud coming from my home and a week later, there's a smell that can only be a decaying human body and you have to put a hanky up to your nose because the smell is so bad, you think you're gonna faint. Even then don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudge packer you date has become the first queer president of the United States and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock, not on this door. Not for any reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?


  • Melvin Udall: I had to see you.
    Carol Connelly: Because?
    Melvin Udall: It relaxes me. I'd feel better sitting outside your apartment on the curb than any other place I can think of or imagine.


  • Jackie: How do you write women so well?
    Melvin Udall: I think of a man. And I take away reason and accountability
    Melvin Udall: I think of a man. And I take away reason and accountability.


  • Melvin Udall: Sell crazy someplace else. We're all stocked up here!


  • Frank Sachs: If there's a mental health organization that raises money for people like you, be sure to let me know.


  • Melvin Udall: I've got a really great compliment for you, and it's true.
    Carol Connelly: I'm so afraid you're about to say something awful.
    Melvin Udall: Don't be pessimistic, it's not your style. Okay, here I go: Clearly, a mistake. I've got this, what - ailment? My doctor, a shrink that I used to go to all the time, he says that in fifty or sixty percent of the cases, a pill really helps. I *hate* pills, very dangerous thing, pills. Hate. I'm using the word "hate" here, about pills. Hate. My compliment is, that night when you came over and told me that you would never... all right, well, you were there, you know what you said. Well, my compliment to you is, the next morning, I started taking the pills.
    Carol Connelly: I don't quite get how that's a compliment for me.
    Melvin Udall: You make me want to be a better man.


  • Carol Connelly: Why can't I have a normal boyfriend? Just a regular boyfriend, one that doesn't go nuts on me!
    Beverly: Everybody wants that, dear. It doesn't exist.


  • Simon Bishop: Lucky for you... you're here for rock-bottom. You absolute horror of a human being.


  • Melvin Udall: People who talk in metaphors ought to shampoo my crotch.


  • Melvin Udall: If I go over there, she might kill me!
    Simon Bishop: Well then put on your jammies , and I'll read you a story.


  • Spencer Connelly: Melvin Udall: I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, "Spence," and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me.
    Melvin Udall: I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, "Spence," and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me.
    Melvin Udall: I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, 'Spence,' and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me.
    Melvin Udall: I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on Earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, 'Spence,' and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me.


  • Melvin Udall: Police! Donut-munching morons, HELP ME! HELP ME!


  • Melvin Udall: You make me want to be a better man.


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