Black Dahlia - Movie Reviews - Rotten Tomatoes

Black Dahlia Reviews

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½ April 23, 2015
This was the first and only movie that I have ever watched more than 30 minutes of and then turned it off. My ex-wife and I suffered through the 45 minutes and had to quit. Right at about 45 minutes is when you start to see that the whole movie revolves around characters A murder character X; next scene: character B find character X and conduct investigation; next scene: character C slowly makes way on solving the case briefly intertwining with characters A and B. REPEAT! This isn't even one of those, it's so bad it's funny movies. The whole time you are just sitting there, offended, wondering why you have spent the past x number of picoseconds (yes, you will feel each individual picosecond drudgingly tick by) with Lommell slowly and methodically torturing you in ways that would make the crucifixion and impalement seem pleasant. I never tell people to watch "this movie" or "that movie" because I seem to have a really standard for what a good movie is. I can USUALLY find a bright side that allows me to be oddly content in the loss of an hour and a half to three and a half hours of my life. But, on this one, there is no bright side. Save your time and pee on some power lines or dive headlong into a volcano. Whoever said they "liked" this movie, as apparently someone did, they are sick, sadistic, lying bastards who only want to share in your torment and despondency. If you asked me to name 1,000 other things I would rather do than watch this movie, all I would have to do is say 1,000 different verbs and I would succeed. To say that watching this was a waste of time would be like saying that smallpox is an above average case of acne. A waste would be something that neither harms nor benefits you. This gives thousands of razor blade cuts an inch deep by an inch long , then packing wounds with phenol. It is actively harmful to your brain cells. You experience tremendous headaches as you FEEL them dying. I hope I have got my point across. I know I only spent a dollar for the rental, but I feel like Ulli owes me pain and suffering. Seriously....
½ January 18, 2014
So absolutely terrible that I actually thought it was a porno for a moment. It was just THAT bad of acting and quality.
November 6, 2012
This film is boring than anything. While it had some moments of unintentional hilarity, it is nothing more than a bad film that tries to coattail the Brian DePalma film (Which already wasn't that great to begin with). The acting is atrocious, the story is terrible, and there are plenty of stupid moments which may provide a few laughs, but not nearly enough to salvage this awful low-budget misfire.
May 5, 2012
This movie is uber cheesy. Okay story but not awesome.
½ February 18, 2012
This was awful!!! Yes...it was a slasher of ridiculous gore. For an 80 minute movie, there was film looping (the same footage shown throughout the movie). This was not scary. This was not interesting. This was more like some high school kid's film project with the least talented losers of the school. Lommel tries to be avant garde in this and it just comes across as a really bad attempt at telling a story. Watching paint dry would much more entertaining.
½ February 6, 2012
It really really sucks.
½ January 16, 2012
I couldn't even get past the first 10 minutes
½ August 13, 2010
My roommate rented this, i will say on accident. It is by far the worst movie I have ever seen. I love how one shot of a victim laying on table is up her skirt. Great camera work there. NO ONE WATCH THIS
½ July 5, 2010
My fiance and I thought "Local Color" was the worst movie we ever saw until we found this, uh, winner.
After years of using RottenTomatoes I finally registered solely so I could warn people not to have anything to do with this repetitive, amateur, embarrassing POS.
July 5, 2010
Am I the only one in this world who saw this piece of garbage? Nobody talk about this movie, nobody knows about this movie, nobody saw this movie, nobody heard about this movie and thats due to one fact: THIS MOVIE SUCKS! I mean, I saw lots of bad movies but this one... God... The DePalma version is a masterpiece if compared to this, Disaster Movie is a masterpiece if compared to this, my toilet is a masterpiece compared to this! I don't have words to make justice about this one... It's by far the worst movie I have ever seen. If somebody out there saw this trash too please contact me... I need to know that I'm not alone... Why? Why it's so bad? Why? WHY? It's just that... Ah, never mind... I'm done talking... If you don't believe you should check it out... But you were warned...
½ July 5, 2010
Ulli Lommel is the modern day Ed Wood, except he doesn?t have any of Wood?s innocent sincerity. This is as cheap and as bad as they come. Absolutely NOTHING about this film is good. NOTHING. The acting is dreadful, and it has one of the worst scores I hav e ever had the displeasure of hearing.
½ July 3, 2010
6/100. Ulli Lommel is the modern day Ed Wood, except he doesn't have any of Wood's innocent sincerity. This is as cheap and as bad as they come. Absolutely NOTHING about this film is good. NOTHING. The acting is dreadful, and it has one of the worst scores I hav e ever had the displeasure of hearing.
½ November 20, 2009
This was a terrible movie. I accidentally got this when i was looking for "The Black Dahlia", directed by Brian DiPalma, and I was disappointed beyond belief. I nearly died and quit watching about ten minutes in. Irredeemably bad camerawork and a laughable story killed this film.
DrLappos
Super Reviewer
October 16, 2009
Nasty but true story...the later edition is much better.
½ August 16, 2009
Do not waste your time with this one. I could only watch the first 15mins of it.
½ June 24, 2009
Crap festival '03: what a turd. Ulli's most worthless, meritless, and pointless film. Elissa Dowling, the z-grade casting couch whore is up to her typical worst in this talentless piece of shit.
LittleMissBloodAndGuts
Super Reviewer
½ May 10, 2009
Utter crap. Somebody took an interesting murder case from Hollywood lore and used it as a far-fetched premise for another splatterfest of nearly non-stop, gratuitous violence against helpless women. Then they tried to make it resistant to criticism on this point by having a female portray the central murderer.

What a waste of fictitious babes, my time, and expensive film.

And besides, there wasn't enough female nudity to keep me interested.
½ March 29, 2009
Might be the worst movie I have ever seen.
Ulli Lommel is a terrible director.

Went back and looked at my ratings and yes this is the worst movie I have ever seen. It beats Halloween III, 8 Mile, Napoleon Dynamote, Malibu's Most Wanted, and Secret of the Nimh.
½ December 28, 2008
I sincerely hope Ulli Lommel was playing a cruel practical joke in making this abortion of a movie. I hope and pray this was not a serious attempt at filmmaking.
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