The horror movie, when done right it can have you sitting on the edge of your seat, screaming, throwing popcorn at the screen or even jumping from a seated position, which is no easy task. It can also be read as the sort of film you can just write in a couple of days and throw together, ticking off the check list of cliches as you continue the film making process. If there is something that the masters of horror have taught us over its many years, its that making one is extremely difficult, visually encapsulating, conceptually sound and characters we either can get behind or characters we dislike getting their just desert. Then there are films like Black Rock... I turned onto this film due to reading it high up on someones list of top horror movies of 2013, quite frankly i wish i spent the short running time of 1 hour and 19 minutes, cleaning the house or doing my tax returns. Black Rock centers around 3 women, Abi, Lou and Sarah, who now in their early thirties have decided that in order to fix their now destroyed relationships, they will be coaxed by their friend to go to an island for a weekend to find a time capsule that they buried there, when they were 10. Once there however they bump into 3 discharged marines, who fit every marine stereotype you can think of and after a drunken night, well you can guess the rest. Where do i start? The story for one is so paper thin, so full of moments where a single decision could have changed all the bad outcomes that happen. Every 5 minutes, situations occur that not only leave you as an audience member scratching your head in amazement at why our lead characters have decided to take that precise plan of action, but who read that script at thought, yeah this will work? Who? The film bases its total existance on you rooting for the female ensemble, but everyone of them are as annoying and as detestable as the next. One of them lies about having cancer in order to get them on the island, pitting 2 friends who are now mortal enemies to set aside their differences but acts surprised when it all goes tits up. One female has cheated on her best friend with her long time partner and the other gets so drunk and cheats on her boyfriend in order to get us into the mess that the girls are in. Who are we to route for? Even in the films more desperate moments you seriously question not only the convienance of the characters being able to get along to survive but the fact that 3 war vets with rifles cant seem to kill 3 unarmed girls, at close range. This leaves us with the male ensemble who are just as detestable and shitly written as the females. We have a cutesy rapist, who is seen by his friends as a war hero, we have the sympathetic black guy, who is in no way sympathetic as he tries to kill 3 women for them defending themselves against his mate, not only that but in one of the films funnier scenes manages to fall down a hill, braking his leg and rendering him completely useless for the rest of the film. Then we have our big main bad guy who is so determined to kill these 3 women that he spits a lot, unties them to chase them down and does everything in his power to make sure the women have the upper hand. Now i'm all for strong female characters, i'm all for women being the strong protagonists and overcoming the stereotypical man. But this is just not how its done. All of these women are idiots, saved only by the fact that the males are even bigger idiots. This is not feminist empowering stuff, its border line insulting. What else is wrong with this garbage? Well most if not all of the shots are pretty bland and boring, its not shot particularly unique or stylistically, its just conventional. There are no gritty dynamic shots of our protagonists, fighting to survive in the wilderness, just overly long, stupid takes of women pretending to re-enact metal gear solid, crawling moments and more than once. The music is so out of place it does little to nothing to set any form of feel or tone to the film. Yeah i love the Kills as much as the next person but they are just the wrong music for this film. What else? Gore, there is none, in fact this film has an R rating and well, its not that brutal. Save for some foul language, the occasional punch to a females face and the small amount of blood here and there, this is a bloodless affair. Yet again, not that a horror movie needs blood to be effective, some of the best have little to none, its just for the look and rugged feel this movie should be going for, i dont get the feeling that this is gritty, more just a drunken misunderstanding by 6 idiots who in turn manage to get pretty much the majority of this group killed. Its boring, its script is mince, the cinematography is pish poor. The acting is ho hum for the best part and this just doesnt deliver by any stretch of the imagination. Want a film that does it better? Go watch Eden Lake and actually feel something by the end of it.