Bruce Almighty - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

Bruce Almighty Quotes

  • Bruce Nolan: Is the bed light of my life! Erouting beneath me! Erouuuting! Erouutting! Erouuuting!.. I'm Bruce Nolan. Back to you, fuckers!


  • Bruce Nolan: Anyway, I'm here with Katharine Hepburn's mum. Now tell me, why did you throw the 'Heart Of The Ocean' Jewel over the railing of the Titanic? Did you feel bad at all letting Leo DiCaprio drown while you were safe floating on the big door? Would you have taken turns or were you just to afraid to freeze your big fat ASS OFF?
    Bruce Nolan: Anyway, I'm here with Katharine Hepburn's mum. Now tell me, why did you throw the "Heart Of The Ocean" jewel over the railing of the Titanic? Did you feel bad at all letting Leo DiCaprio drown while you were safe floating on the big door? Would you have taken turns or were you just to afraid to freeze your big fat ASS OFF?


  • Bruce Nolan: My blood type is IB positive. IB positive that they ain't touchin' me with no needle!


  • Bruce Nolan: Smite me, O mighty smighter!


  • Grace: Hey, I just woke up this morning and I felt like my boobs were bigger. Do they look bigger to you?
    Bruce Nolan: No. Bigger? Um....
    Grace: Oh come one! [jiggles boobs] Look at them! They are definitely bigger! They feel so huge to me.
    Bruce Nolan: Listen I have to go but this has been the breast break, I mean the breast break, thank you.
    Grace: Where are you going?
    Bruce Nolan: To get my job back!


  • Evan Baxter: The prime minister of Sweden visited Washington today and my tiny, little nipples went to France.


  • Grace: You know, I have a very rare blood type. AB Positive.
    Bruce Nolan: Sounds delicious... (bares teeth).
    Bruce Nolan: Sounds delicious... [bares teeth]


  • God: You can't kneel in the middle of the highway and live to tell the tale, son.


  • Bruce Nolan: Woah. A woman does pray a lot.


  • Grace: Have you completely lost your mind?


  • Bruce Nolan: You might want to stop touching me...


  • Bruce Nolan: I'm dead?!?
    God: Nah, I'm just messin' with ya.
    Bruce Nolan: You think that's funny?!?
    Bruce Nolan: You think that's funny?


  • Evan Baxter: I'm sorry, we seem to have been having some technical difficulties...


  • Bruce Nolan: I am a sane, reasonable human being (gets out a gun).
    Bruce Nolan: I am a sane, reasonable human being. [gets out a gun]


  • Hood: I'll apologise when a monkey comes out of my butt!
    Bruce Nolan: Well, what a coincidence, 'cause that's today!


  • Bruce Nolan: Okay, You win. I'm done. Please, I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't wanna be God! I want You to decide what's right for me! I SURRENDER TO YOUR WILL!
    Bruce Nolan: Okay, you win. I'm done. Please, I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't wanna be God! I want you to decide what's right for me! I surrender to your will!


  • Bruce Nolan: "It's gooood"
    Bruce Nolan: It's gooood.


  • Bruce Nolan: Who are you?
    God: I'm the one. The Divine Being. Alpha and Omega.
    Bruce Nolan: Oh, I see where this is going.
    God: Bruce... I'm God.
    Bruce Nolan: Bingo! Yahtzee! Is that your final answer? Our survey says... God! Bing bing bing bing bing! Well, it was nice to meet you, God. Thank you for the Grand Canyon, and good luck with the Apocalypse. Oh, and by the way, you SUCK!


  • Bruce Nolan: Okay. How many hands are behind my back?
    God: 7
    God: Seven.
    Bruce Nolan: Ah HA! AAAAAHHHH!!!!!
    Bruce Nolan: Ah HA! AHH!


  • Bruce Nolan: I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News. Back to you, FUCKERS!


  • Bruce Nolan: And that's the way the cookie Crumbles.
    Bruce Nolan: And that's the way the cookie crumbles.


  • Grace: Do my boobs look bigger?
    Grace: I woke up this morning and I swear my boobs felt bigger. Do they look bigger to you?


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