Clerks - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

Clerks Quotes

  • Dante Hicks: Man goes into cage. Cage goes into salsa. Shark's in the salsa. Our shark.

  • Dante Hicks: A bunch of savages in this town.

  • Silent Bob: There's a million fine looking girls in the world. But they don't all bring you lasagna to work. Most of them just cheat on you.

  • Angry Hockey-Playing Custom: What do you mean there's no ice? You mean I gotta drink this coffee hot?

  • Hunting Cap Smoking Boy/Low I.Q. Video Customer/Hubca: Ooh! Navy seals!

  • Hunting Cap Smoking Boy/Low I.Q. Video Customer/Hubca: Do you have that one with that guy who was in that movie that came out last year?

  • Dante Hicks: But why guidance counselors?
    Caged Animal Masturbator: Well if your job was as meaningless as theirs, wouldn't you go crazy?

  • Dante Hicks: You know what the real tragedy is? I'm not even supposed to be here today!

  • Willam the Idiot Manchild: That's beautiful, man.

  • Randal: I hope it feels so good to be right. There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?

  • Woolen Cap Smoker/Egg Man/Offended Customer/Cat Admir: Cute cat. What's its name?
    Randal: Annoying customer.

  • Randal: This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers.

  • Dante Hicks: I'm not even supposed to be here today!

  • Hunting Cap Smoking Boy/Low I.Q. Video Customer/Hubca: Do you sell hubcaps for a '72 Pinto hatchback? Ooh, Mini-trucker magazine!

  • Dante Hicks: I'm stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages. Working on my day off, the goddamn steel shutters are closed, I deal with every backward ass fuck on the planet. I smell like shoe polish. My ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy. And my present girlfriend has sucked 36 dicks.
    Randal: 37.

  • Caitlin Bree: What are you watching?
    Randal: Children's programming.

  • Jay: Yeah. Silent Bob, your a rude motherfucker, you know that? But you're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys, make like a circus seal. [Jay makes a rude head gesture and car horn honks]
    Jay: Ewww, you fucking faggot, I hate guys. I LOVE WOMEN!

  • Silent Bob: You know, there's a million fine lookin' women in the world dude. But they don't all bring you lasagne at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.

  • Dante Hicks: 'Empire' had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All 'Jedi' had was a bunch of Muppets.

  • Randal: My mom's been fuckin' a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad.

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