Clueless - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

Clueless Quotes

  • Josh: Hey James Bond, In America we drive on the right side of the road!
    Cher Horowitz: I am! You try driving in platforms.


  • Cher Horowitz: This is California, not Kentucky?


  • Travis: I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA city bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds who spend hours making those egg McMuffins without which I might never be tardy.


  • Dionne: Cher's saving herself for Luke Perry.


  • Cher Horowitz: Dionne and her boyfriend Murray are in this dramatic relationship. I think they've seen that Ike and Tina Turner movie too many times.


  • Cher Horowitz: Until mankind is peaceful enough not to have violence on the news, there's no point in taking it out of shows that need it for entertainment value.


  • Cher Horowitz: Okay, so you're probably going, "Is this like a Noxzema commercial or what?" But seriously, I actually have a way normal life for a teenage girl.


  • Amber: She could be a farmer in those clothes.


  • Lucy: Girlie, as far as you're concerned, I am the messiah of the DMV.


  • Cher Horowitz: Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good.


  • Cher Horowitz: Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex.


  • Christian: Do you like Billie Holiday?
    Cher Horowitz: I love him.


  • Mel Hamilton: What's with you, kid? You think the death of Sammy Davis left an opening in the Rat Pack?


  • Cher Horowitz: Would you look at that body language? Legs crossed towards each other. That is an unequivocal sex invite.


  • Cher Horowitz: Isn't my house classic? The columns date all the way back to 1972.


  • Christian: Hey man, the protective vibe. I dig.


  • Cher Horowitz: Oh look, Josh is dancing with Tai, he never dances.
    Christian: I can see why.


  • Cher Horowitz: Miss Stoeger, I would just like to say that physical education in this school is a disgrace. I mean, standing in line for forty minutes is hardly aerobically effective. I doubt I've worked off the calories in a stick of Carefree gum.


  • Cher Horowitz: I have direction...
    Josh: Yeah, towards the mall.


  • Josh: Be seeing you.
    Tai: Yeah, I hope not sporadically.


  • Amber: Miss Stoeger, my plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.
    Dionne: Well there goes your social life.


  • Amber: Hello? Was I the only one listening? I mean, I thought it reeked.
    Cher Horowitz: I believe that was your designer imposter perfume.


  • Josh: Want to practice parking?
    Cher Horowitz: What's the point? Everywhere you go has valet.


  • Cher Horowitz: Would you call me selfish?
    Dionne: No, not to your face.


  • Dionne: Hello? There was a stop sign.
    Cher Horowitz: I totally paused.


  • DMV Tester: How'd you do? Well, let's see shall we? You can't park, you can't switch lanes, you can't make right hand turns, you damaged private property and you almost killed someone. Off hand, I'd say you failed.
    Cher Horowitz: Failed?


  • DMV Tester: Watch out for the bike rider!
    Cher Horowitz: Oops, my bad!


  • Cher Horowitz: Lucy you know I don't speak Mexican.
    Lucy: I'm not a Mexican!


  • Amber: Whatever!


  • Cher Horowitz: He does dress better than I do. What would I bring to the relationship?


  • Elton: I can't find my Cranberries CD, I gotta go to the quad before somebody snags it.


  • Cher Horowitz: I am totally butt crazy in love with Josh.


  • Cher Horowitz: I feel like such a heifer. I had two bowls of Special K, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, 5 peanut butter M&M's and like 3 pieces of licorice.


  • Cher Horowitz: Christian said he'd call the next day, but in boy time that meant Thursday.


  • Josh: You look like Pippi Longstocking.
    Cher Horowitz: Well you look like Forrest Gump. Who's Pippi Longstocking?
    Josh: Someone Mel Gibson never played.


  • Murray: Are you bitches blind?


  • Cher Horowitz: No, she's a full-on Monet.
    Tai: What's a Monet?
    Cher Horowitz: It's like a painting, see? From far away, it's okay, but up close it's a big old mess.


  • Cher Horowitz: Are we going somewhere to make left turns?
    DMV Tester: We're going back to the DMV.
    Cher Horowitz: Well, did I pass?
    DMV Tester: (Laughs) Did you pass? Let's see here. You can't make right turns, you can't park, you can't change lanes, you destroyed public property, oh yeah and you almost killed someone. Overall I'd say you failed.
    DMV Tester: [laughs] Did you pass? Let's see here. You can't make right turns, you can't park, you can't change lanes, you destroyed public property, oh yeah and you almost killed someone. Overall I'd say you failed.


  • Mel Hamilton: Do you drink?
    Christian: No, thanks, I'm cool.
    Mel Hamilton: I'm not offering, I'm asking. You think I give alcohol to teenagers taking my daughter out.


  • Mel Hamilton: (angry) "Do you know what time it is?"
    Mel Hamilton: [angry] Do you know what time it is?
    Cher Horowitz: "A watch doesn't really go with this outfit daddy..."
    Cher Horowitz: A watch doesn't really go with this outfit daddy...


  • Mel Hamilton: "I'd like to see you have a little direction"
    Mel Hamilton: I'd like to see you have a little direction.
    Cher Horowitz: "I have direction!"
    Cher Horowitz: I have direction!
    Josh: "yeah, towards the mall"
    Josh: Yeah, towards the mall.


  • Mel Hamilton: "What the hell is that?"
    Mel Hamilton: What the hell is that?
    Cher Horowitz: "A dress!"
    Cher Horowitz: A dress!
    Mel Hamilton: "Says who?"
    Mel Hamilton: Says who?
    Cher Horowitz: "Calvin Klein!"
    Cher Horowitz: Calvin Klein!


  • Mel Hamilton: "If anything happens to my daughter, I have forty-five and a shovel. I doubt anyone would miss you."
    Mel Hamilton: If anything happens to my daughter, I have forty-five and a shovel. I doubt anyone would miss you.


  • Tai: You're a virgin who can't drive.


  • Cher Horowitz: That's Ren and Stimpy. They're way existential.


  • Cher Horowitz: As if!


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