Reviews

  • Sep 25, 2014

    So horribly shot and edited that you can't tell what the hell is supposed to be going on. That and I'm pretty sure the sound recordist forgot to take the mic out of the box before using it. Catching only drips and drabs of muffled dialogue certainly doesn't make the proceedings any more intelligible. And can we talk about the selective lure of the meteor fragments to The Cremators? Like there'll be a collection of them in someone's house for days and no extraterrestrial attack ensues yet some passerby will pick one up for a millisecond and become an instant target. Oh and then there's the fact that, even in the dead of night, characters can't see a giant fireball hiding in the bushes ten feet away from them. The special effects bringing The Cremators to life are great though (barring a few unfortunate shots of charred miniature folks they leave in their wake)

    So horribly shot and edited that you can't tell what the hell is supposed to be going on. That and I'm pretty sure the sound recordist forgot to take the mic out of the box before using it. Catching only drips and drabs of muffled dialogue certainly doesn't make the proceedings any more intelligible. And can we talk about the selective lure of the meteor fragments to The Cremators? Like there'll be a collection of them in someone's house for days and no extraterrestrial attack ensues yet some passerby will pick one up for a millisecond and become an instant target. Oh and then there's the fact that, even in the dead of night, characters can't see a giant fireball hiding in the bushes ten feet away from them. The special effects bringing The Cremators to life are great though (barring a few unfortunate shots of charred miniature folks they leave in their wake)

  • Nov 01, 2009

    After watching The Cremators, you're left wondering why a movie like this gets a DVD release, while thousands of lost gems continue to go unknown without any kind of DVD presentation. I do have to give it to The Cremators for managing to make me laugh something fierce. Honestly, one of the best unintentional comedies ever filmed. The story concerns an ancient killer that walks among us, killing those who somehow ignite strange stones that are connected to this maniac. Using nice hints of the slasher genre, the kill in Cremators stalks the victims out in the open in plain sight (almost damn near right in front of them in fact), but the victim never sees the killer coming until its too late. Ok, sounds great, Jason, but what's so funny about this movie? Oh nothing...except for the fact that the killer is a GIANT FIREBALL!!! Yes, a giant fireball stalks its victims throughout the film. You get to see through the fireball's eyes as he stares his victims down who have no idea a flaming fireball is literally right next to them. And where does this monster fireball hide from the world? Underwater. Yes, the fireball rises from underwater to roll around humorously at screaming victims. Ladies and gentlemen, this movie is ridiculous. It screams Mystery Science Theater 3000. Good for a rental if everyone wants to do nothing but drink booze and laugh at something. The most interesting thing about this was cult crap director Fred Olen Ray's introduction (since his company distributed this god awful movie) who discusses the allure of old school drive in theaters (while showing some random titties). Overall, The Cremators needs to be cremated.

    After watching The Cremators, you're left wondering why a movie like this gets a DVD release, while thousands of lost gems continue to go unknown without any kind of DVD presentation. I do have to give it to The Cremators for managing to make me laugh something fierce. Honestly, one of the best unintentional comedies ever filmed. The story concerns an ancient killer that walks among us, killing those who somehow ignite strange stones that are connected to this maniac. Using nice hints of the slasher genre, the kill in Cremators stalks the victims out in the open in plain sight (almost damn near right in front of them in fact), but the victim never sees the killer coming until its too late. Ok, sounds great, Jason, but what's so funny about this movie? Oh nothing...except for the fact that the killer is a GIANT FIREBALL!!! Yes, a giant fireball stalks its victims throughout the film. You get to see through the fireball's eyes as he stares his victims down who have no idea a flaming fireball is literally right next to them. And where does this monster fireball hide from the world? Underwater. Yes, the fireball rises from underwater to roll around humorously at screaming victims. Ladies and gentlemen, this movie is ridiculous. It screams Mystery Science Theater 3000. Good for a rental if everyone wants to do nothing but drink booze and laugh at something. The most interesting thing about this was cult crap director Fred Olen Ray's introduction (since his company distributed this god awful movie) who discusses the allure of old school drive in theaters (while showing some random titties). Overall, The Cremators needs to be cremated.

  • Oct 12, 2008

    This is a classic 1950s b-movie script lost in low-budget 70s drive-in garbage. There was a lot of potential for the story and had the film been made 20 years earlier it would have been some great campy fun. Unfortunately, this mess has bottom of the barrel acting and dark, grimy production values. The one saving grace is the abundance of impressive and eerie special effects shots – too bad they couldn’t have been inserted into a better movie.

    This is a classic 1950s b-movie script lost in low-budget 70s drive-in garbage. There was a lot of potential for the story and had the film been made 20 years earlier it would have been some great campy fun. Unfortunately, this mess has bottom of the barrel acting and dark, grimy production values. The one saving grace is the abundance of impressive and eerie special effects shots – too bad they couldn’t have been inserted into a better movie.