Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid Quotes

  • Rigby Reardon: Here's three bucks if you can get this cab to 46 Bay Court in ten minutes. [watches as the taxi speeds off]
    Rigby Reardon: Here's three bucks if you can get this cab to 46 Bay Court in ten minutes.
    Rigby Reardon: [running to another taxi] Follow that cab!
    Rigby Reardon: Follow that cab!

  • Rigby Reardon: I always carry my harmonica: it's lighter than an accordion and more powerful than a sleeping pill.

  • Juliet Forrest: [after listening to Rigby's inner monologue] We wouldn't have to have kids.
    Juliet Forrest: We wouldn't have to have kids.

  • Rigby Reardon: Hold it pal. (I'm) from the Health Department. We have a report that your soup has too much jewelry in it.

  • Juliet Forrest: Oh, you poor dear. I don't blame you for strangling me - I'll never say it again.

  • Rigby Reardon: Where'd you learn that?
    Juliet Forrest: At camp.
    Rigby Reardon: You learned that at girls' camp?
    Juliet Forrest: It's really for a snake bite, but I find it works for everything.

  • Field Marshall Von Kluck: Sorry, I'm a butler not a catcher.

  • Juliet Forrest: Well it was the only place he could experiment with his cheeses - without the smell bothering the neighbors.

  • Juliet Forrest: [opening her eyes after feinting] What are you doing?
    Rigby Reardon: Adjusting your breasts. You feinted and they -- shifted all out of whack. [he kneads them a couple more times - only gentler] There.
    Juliet Forrest: Thank you.
    Rigby Reardon: You're welcome.

  • Rigby Reardon: It was a quiet day at the Rigby Reardon Detective Agency. I had a hang-over and business was so slow I was re-reading old newspapers. I was even thinking of closing up the office for a few days, when all of a sudden.... [3 knocks are heard]

  • Juliet Forrest: If you need me, just call. You know how to dial, don't you? You just put your finger in the hole and make tiny little circles.

  • Rigby Reardon: My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face, and the slowly move her to the next room, maneuver her next to the bed, marry her and start the whoopee machine.

  • Rigby Reardon: My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
    Rigby Reardon: I hadn't seen a body put together like that since I'd solved the case of the Murdered Girl with the Big Tits.
    Rigby Reardon: Carlotta was the kind of town where they spell trouble T-R-U-B-I-L, and if you try to correct them, they kill you.

  • Rigby Reardon: Let's go out dancing! You put on your black dress, and I'll go shave my tongue. (drunk)
    Rigby Reardon: Don't go near my daughter again. Don't try to see her. Don't write her and don't phone her. (the father) answers Rigby: Can I use her underwear to make soup?
    Rigby Reardon: What's he paying you boys? I'll double it and we'll beat the shit out of HIM.
    Rigby Reardon: All dames are alike: they reach down your throat so they can grab your heart, pull it out and they throw it on the floor, and they step on 'em with their high heels, they spit on it, shove it in the oven and they cook the shit out of it. Then they slice it into little pieces, slam it on a hunk of toast, and they serve it to you. And they expect you to say, "Thanks, honey, it's delicious."
    Juliet Forrest: But what does "FOC" mean? (to Rigby)
    Rigby Reardon: answers: It's a slang word. It's when a man and a woman are in love, the man puts his...

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