Deadly Friend Reviews
Deadly Friend is a movie that really has to be seen to be believed, but I will try to explain it to the best of my ability. A teenage genius who excels in brain stuff (be it robot or human) moves in to a new house along with his robot buddy, BB. BB is incredibly smart and strong, and communicates through yelling "BEEBEE!" at people. If you're not already saying "What the fuck" to that, don't worry-- it gets even more ridiculous. But what struck me as odd from the get-go was the fact that there is little to no explanation of how this kid is so smart. He's Doogie Howser on Limitless pills, but there's not a moment in the movie where this is taken to be out of the ordinary. He just walks around with his robot, and people laugh at him or just ignore it. Not like I expect a movie like this to be realistic, but... come on.
He meets an attractive neighbor, who has an abusive father. She comes over to his house a couple of times and they kind of hit it off. This leads to lines such as "You're the first girl I've ever had in my room." Fucking DUH, you just moved in. Then, one day, the two of them and one of their friends are playing basketball. BB throws the basketball into the neighborhood crazy lady's yard, and she keeps it. BIG MISTAAAAKE! But I'll get to that later. There is then a scene involving a run-in with the neighborhood hoodlums, to the beat of an incredibly campy 80s song. Really, if there was a box labeled "Cheesy 80s horror movie," Deadly Friend would be inside it.
Anyway, on Halloween, the kids stupidly trespass on the psychotic lady's property after breaking the lock's combo. Why do they do this? Because the Plotline demands it! They know the lady is both insane and has a shotgun, so what would be the point? To get killed? Anyway, she shoots the robot, the robot dies, and there's a brief mourning period that lasts about eight seconds. So was the robot not really that important? I know I shouldn't be looking for emotional depth and the like in a movie like this, but you'd think the kid would be a little more broke up about it. So after the robot is killed, the girl next door has a fight with her dad that sends her tumbling down the stairs. She bangs her head and goes unconscious. So now we have a robot with no functioning body and a brain and a girl with no functioning brain but a body. What to do, what to do...
I KNOW! Let's put the robot's brain in the girl's body! So, with movies like this, there's always a moment I can pinpoint where I stop actually caring about what's happening in them. This is the part where I gave up on Deadly Friend. He basically takes the robot chip, sticks it in her brain, and suddenly she has super strength, night vision, and all sorts of shit. Why? Because Plotline. I suppose he wants to bring her back, but shouldn't a kid who is a supposed expert on brains and how they function know that this might not be the best idea? So, he brings her back, but it's the robot that's controlling her. And it is the lamest shit of all time. She holds her hands like the robot's claws and walks around with her eyes wide open acting like an android. This actress must have resigned herself to the fate of never working again at that point.
So, the robot now must go on a rampage (apparently killing two people now qualifies as a rampage) to right the wrongs committed against it. Not only does she kill her dad, but the robot part of her finds the lady who shot the robot, corners her, and throws the basketball at her head. Amazingly, the basketball causes her head to explode on impact. Now, as cool as this abstract concept is, it's still fucking stupid. This is the only reason anyone likes this movie, and to be honest, I wasn't very impressed by it. The head explosion itself looks like a mix of strawberry jam and ketchup, and when the body stumbles around, it looks like a puppet. Also, a basketball couldn't POSSIBLY do that much damage, no matter if it was thrown by a person OR a person with an android brain. But there I go again, picking apart bad 80s horror movies... when really, at the end of the day, I should just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.
But I can't do that. I judge movies based on their entertainment value. And save for some incredibly campy moments that really achieve so-bad-it's-good status, Deadly Friend is an unpleasant experience. It features reprehensible acting, horrible dialogue, and a plot so ludicrous and scientifically inaccurate it hurts. Final Score for Deadly Friend: 1/10 stars. Even if it does feature a now-legendary decapitation-by-basketball, this movie has nothing in the way of substance or quality. It feels like a poorly done home movie at times, and other times it's just disgusting. And as one last note: I found it ridiculous that this horny teenager had a remote-control girl in his attic and didn't ONCE think to make her do... things. That might be the most unrealistic part of it all.
just born for heartache and death.