Dumb and Dumber - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

Dumb and Dumber Quotes

  • Lloyd Christmas: I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy.

  • Harry Dunne: You were right, Lloyd. She was definitely worth the trip.
    Lloyd Christmas: Yeah. she's something, ain't she, Har? I'm glad we were able to help her out.

  • Lloyd Christmas: Are you flying somewhere?
    Lloyd Christmas: So, where are you headin'?
    Mary Swanson: Yeah, how'd you guess?
    Mary Swanson: Aspen.
    Lloyd Christmas: Saw the luggage, and you're going to the airport, and i put them together.
    Lloyd Christmas: Hmmm, California! Beautiful!
    Lloyd Christmas: Where you going?
    Mary Swanson: Aspen
    Lloyd Christmas: Ahh...California!

  • Lloyd Christmas: What happened, Harry? Some little filly break your heart?
    Harry Dunne: No. It was a girl.

  • Lloyd Christmas: Listen, Mr. Samsonite
    Lloyd Christmas: Listen, Mr. Samsonite.

  • Lloyd Christmas: Austria!? Well then. Good day mate. Let's put another shrimp on the bar-b.
    Lloyd Christmas: Austria? Well then. Good day mate. Let's put another shrimp on the barbie.

  • Lloyd Christmas: His head fell off?
    Harry Dunne: Yeah he was pretty old
    Harry Dunne: Yeah he was pretty old.

  • State Trooper: Yeah, well you aware it's against the law to have an open alcohol container here in the state of Pennsylvania? Come on give me them booze you little pumpkin pie hair cutted freak!
    Harry Dunne: No sir way, way, way, way way!
    Lloyd Christmas: No sir don't drink tha...
    State Trooper: You'd keep your mouth shut if you knew it was good for you buddy. (Takes sip. swallows)
    State Trooper: You'd keep your mouth shut if you knew it was good for you buddy. [takes sip. swallows]
    Harry Dunne: Tic-Tac Sir?
    State Trooper: Get the hell out of here
    State Trooper: Get the hell out of here.

  • Harry Dunne: No i should get it
    Harry Dunne: Yesterday was one of the greatest days of my life. Mary and I went skiing, we made a snowman, she touched my leg...
    Lloyd Christmas: no over here, i got us into this mess, shoot me
    Lloyd Christmas: Okay, Kill Him!
    Harry Dunne: No lloyd, i went out with mary today, we went skiing, we played in the snow... she touched my leg.
    Lloyd Christmas: OK KILL HIM

  • Lloyd Christmas: Hey, you wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? EEEEEEEHHHHHHHHH!

  • Lloyd Christmas: Mock!
    Harry Dunne: Yeah!
    Lloyd Christmas: ing!
    Lloyd Christmas: bird!
    Lloyd Christmas: Yeah!

  • Lloyd Christmas: I'll tell ya where. Some place warm. A place where the beer flows like wine and beautiful women instinctively flock that salmon of capastrano! I'm talking about a place called ASS-PEN!
    Harry Dunne: I don't know Lloyd, the French are assholes.

  • Harry Dunne: Look at the butt on that!
    Lloyd Christmas: Yeah, he must work out.

  • Harry Dunne: Nice set of hooters you got there.
    Mary Swanson: I beg your pardon?
    Harry Dunne: The owls! They're beautiful!

  • Harry Dunne: I don't know Lloyd, these places don't really do it for me.
    Lloyd Christmas: Why hare, some little Philly break your heart?
    Harry Dunne: No, it was a girl
    Harry Dunne: No, it was a girl.

  • Lloyd Christmas: Hey guys. Woah, Big Gulps, huh?........ All right! Well, see ya later.
    Lloyd Christmas: Hey guys. Woah, Big Gulps, huh? [pause] All right! Welp, see ya later.

  • Harry Dunne: One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a Shih-Tzu.
    Mary Swanson: Really? Thats weird.
    Harry Dunne: Yeah, we called it a Bull Shit.

  • Harry Dunne: Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

  • Lloyd Christmas: We've got no food, we got no jobs,... our pets' HEADS ARE FALLIN' OFF!!!
    Lloyd Christmas: We've got no food, we got no jobs,... our pets' HEADS ARE FALLIN' OFF!
    Lloyd Christmas: We've got no food, we got no jobs... our pets' HEADS ARE FALLIN' OFF!

  • Lloyd Christmas: What was all that one in a million talk?

  • Harry Dunne: You had, an extra pair of gloves this entire time?!
    Harry Dunne: You had, an extra pair of gloves this entire time?
    Lloyd Christmas: (As if it is a dumb question) Yeah...we're in the Rockies.
    Lloyd Christmas: [as if it is a dumb question] Yeah...we're in the Rockies.

  • Lloyd Christmas: radio? who needs a radio?
    Lloyd Christmas: Radio? Who needs a radio?

  • Lloyd Christmas: Hey, want to hear the most annoying sound in the world?

  • Lloyd Christmas: I like it a lot!

  • Harry Dunne: HARRY: it's a cardigan but thanks for noticing. Lloyd: yeah, killer boots man
    Harry Dunne: It's a cardigan but thanks for noticing.
    Lloyd Christmas: Yeah, killer boots man.

  • Harry Dunne: goodbye my love
    Harry Dunne: Goodbye my love.

  • Harry Dunne: harry, your hands are freezing
    Harry Dunne: Harry, your hands are freezing.

  • Harry Dunne: i got worms
    Harry Dunne: I got worms.

  • Harry Dunne: suck me sideways
    Harry Dunne: Suck me sideways.

  • Harry Dunne: You know, Lloyd, just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!

  • Harry Dunne: I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
    Lloyd Christmas: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.

  • Harry Dunne: One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a Shih-Tzu.
    Mary Swanson: Really? That's weird.
    Harry Dunne: Yeah, we called it a bullshit.

  • State Trooper: You'd shut your mouth if you knew what was good for ya!!
    State Trooper: You'd shut your mouth if you knew what was good for ya!

  • Harry Dunne: Lloyd I can't feel my hands....
    Lloyd Christmas: Here have these extra pair of gloves my hands are getting kind of sweaty.
    Harry Dunne: You have had an extra pair of gloves this whole time!?!?
    Harry Dunne: You have had an extra pair of gloves this whole time!?
    Lloyd Christmas: Yeah Harry we are in the Rockys.
    Harry Dunne: I'm gonna kill you!!!!
    Harry Dunne: I'm gonna kill you!

  • Harry Dunne: FOOTLONG!!! Who wants the FOOTLONG!!!
    Harry Dunne: FOOTLONG! Who wants the FOOTLONG!

  • Harry Dunne: (As his foot is on fire) JUST GIVE ME THE GOD-DAMN NUMBER!!!!!
    Harry Dunne: [as his foot is on fire] JUST GIVE ME THE GOD-DAMN NUMBER!
    Detective Dale: Right if you're gonna be pushy just forget it!!
    Detective Dale: Right if you're gonna be pushy just forget it!

  • Harry Dunne: (Looking through the spy-hole of their front door) There are two guys out there one of them has a gun.....
    Harry Dunne: [looking through the spy-hole of their front door] There are two guys out there one of them has a gun...
    Lloyd Christmas: Did you pay the Gas-man?!?!
    Lloyd Christmas: Did you pay the Gas-man?
    Harry Dunne: (Puts his hands on his head)
    Harry Dunne: [puts his hands on his head]
    Lloyd Christmas: Do you realise what you have done!!!
    Lloyd Christmas: Do you realise what you have done!

  • Lloyd Christmas: Move it or lose it sister!

  • Lloyd Christmas: Mary... I desperately want to make love to a school boy.

  • Lloyd Christmas: Could you do me a favor, and watch my stuff here, while I go break a dollar?
    Lloyd Christmas: Well, can you do me a favor and watch my stuff here while I go break a dollar?
    Elderly Woman: Of course.
    Elderly Woman: Of course.
    Lloyd Christmas: Thanks! ... Hey! I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back! Don't you go dying on me!
    Lloyd Christmas: Thanks. Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back. Don't you go dying on me!

  • Joe Mentalino: Just shut up! Now we don't even know who the hell they are. You don't kill people you don't know. That's a rule!

  • Harry Dunne: You just drove a sixth of the way in the wrong direction! We don't have enough money to get to Aspen! We don't have enough money to get home! We don't have enough money to eat! We don't have enough money to sleep!

  • Lloyd Christmas: Harry! Your alive... and your a horrible shot!
    Lloyd Christmas: Harry! Your alive, and your a horrible shot!

  • Lloyd Christmas: We got no food, we got no jobs, Our pet's heads are falling off!

  • Harry Dunne: I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
    Lloyd Christmas: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man.

  • Harry Dunne: you know, the thing that really chaps my ass is that i just spent my life savings turning my van into a poodle. the alarm alone cost me $200
    Harry Dunne: No, none taken. You know what really chaps my ass though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost me two hundred.

  • Lloyd Christmas: There's two of them and one has a gun. Harry, did you pay the gas bill?
    Lloyd Christmas: There's two of them and one has a gun. Did you pay the gas bill?

  • Lloyd Christmas: i bet you $10 i can get you gambling by the end of the day
    Lloyd Christmas: I'll bet you twenty bucks I can get you gambling before the end of the day.
    Harry Dunne: your on

  • Harry Dunne: Just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber.... you go and do this...... AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!
    Harry Dunne: Just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!

  • Harry Dunne: you sold my dead bird to a blind kid ?
    Harry Dunne: You sold my dead bird to a blind kid?

  • Lloyd Christmas: Do you realize what you've done?!

  • Lloyd Christmas: Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?

  • Lloyd Christmas: WE LANDED ON THE MOON!

  • Lloyd Christmas: It's ok - I'm a limo driver!

Find More Movie Quotes