The Faculty - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

The Faculty Quotes

  • Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: You know in my world Casey, there were limitless oceans as far as the eye could see. Beautiful, huh? Till it started to dry out. So I escaped, came here, and I met you, all of you, and all of you were different from the others. You were lost and lonely, just like me. And I thought that maybe I could give you a taste of my world. A world without anger, without fear, without attitude. Where the underachiever goes home at night to parents who care. The jock can be smart, the ugly duckling beautiful, and the class wuss doesn't have to live in terror. The new girl - well - the new girl she can just fit right in with anybody. People who are just like her. You see Casey, even Mary-Beth's feelings can be hurt by a bunch of pathetic, lost, little outcasts who truly believe that their disaffected lonely life is the only way they can survive. I can make you a part of something so special Casey, so perfect, so fearless. Don't you want that, Casey?
    Casey Connor: I'd rather be afraid!
    Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: Fine. Alright. Have it your way! 'Cause this is where your land of fiction gets it right: we win. End of story!


  • Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: I always thought the only alien in this high school was me.


  • Casey Connor: I say we go for the coach. He turned Stan. He's the one. Or do you want to wait for them to come to us?
    Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: Either way we're completely unarmed.
    Zeke: Maybe not. I might have some more skat. In my trunk.
    Casey Connor: In your trunk? In your car? Amongst the aliens? Oh, that's convenient!.
    Casey Connor: In your trunk? In your car? Amongst the aliens? Oh, that's convenient!


  • Casey Connor: (final lines in the movie) - Things sure have changed, haven't they?
    Casey Connor: (final lines in the movie) Things sure have changed, haven't they?


  • Coach Joe Willis: (menacingly) - Would Miss Drake please report to the Principal's Office?
    Coach Joe Willis: (menacingly) Would Miss Drake please report to the Principal's Office?


  • Zeke: You both take the drug.
    Casey Connor: (already high) - Ohh...showdown!
    Casey Connor: (already high) Ohh, showdown!


  • student: (about more drugs) - You got any more?
    student: (about more drugs) You got any more?
    Zeke: (hides the drugs in his pocket) - Not on me, man.
    Zeke: (hides the drugs in his pocket) Not on me, man.
    student: What about in your locker?
    student: How about in your car? Got any more there?
    Zeke: Use in moderation, boys.
    student: Come on, Zeke. Hook us up.


  • Zeke: (to Marybeth) - So, if anyone finds us in here, just grab a hold of me and pretend we're making out. The punishment is less severe.
    Zeke: (to Marybeth) So, if anyone finds us in here, just grab a hold of me and pretend we're making out. The punishment is less severe.


  • Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: (about Delilah being an alien) - Should've known that crazy bitch was one of them.
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: (about Delilah being an alien) Should've known that crazy bitch was one of them.


  • Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: (to a pierced student) - I really love what you've done with your nose-ring, it really brings out the color in your eyes.
    Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: (to a pierced student) I really love what you've done with your nose-ring, it really brings out the color in your eyes.


  • Gabe Santora: Hey yo, pisswad, you're in my way.
    Casey Connor: I'm sorry. I was breathing here.
    Gabe Santora: Yeah, that's the problem; you're occupying my air, anal probe.
    Gabe Santora: Yeah, that's the problem, you're occupying my air, anal probe.


  • Stan Rosado: Open...the door. It is so much better. There's no fear. No pain. It's beautiful. And you will be beautiful. You'll be beautiful. No problems or worries. We want you. I want you. I...want...you...Now open the fu**ing door! Open the door!!!
    Stan Rosado: Open the door. It is so much better. There's no fear. No pain. It's beautiful. And you will be beautiful. You'll be beautiful. No problems or worries. We want you. I want you. I want you. Now open the fu**ing door! Open the door!


  • Delilah Profitt: Hello Casey. Where you gonna go, huh? The class wuss... eternal little loser who comes to school everyday knowing this is it. You've been labeled "pathetic" since first grade and you're afraid it's going to bleed over for the rest of your life. Well we can stop it Casey. We can help you belong. Isn't that what you really want?
    Delilah Profitt: Hello Casey. Where you gonna go, huh? The class wuss, eternal little loser who comes to school everyday knowing this is it. You've been labeled 'pathetic' since first grade and you're afraid it's going to bleed over for the rest of your life. Well we can stop it Casey. We can help you belong. Isn't that what you really want?
    Casey Connor: Please don't do this Delilah.
    Delilah Profitt: I haven't been this happy since...since...before my dad died. You know you want me Casey. Come on. Let's do it together.
    Delilah Profitt: I haven't been this happy since, since, before my dad died. You know you want me Casey. Come on. Let's do it together.


  • Mr. Furlong: Kindly take your seats. This will be over quite quickly.


  • Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: You know, you were right about me. I don't have any friends and I like it that way. Being lesbian is just my security.
    Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: Security against what?
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: People like you.
    Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: Complex!


  • Zeke: (about sniffing the drugs) - Now, you, Delilah.
    Zeke: (about sniffing the drugs) Now, you, Delilah.
    Delilah Profitt: No...Her first.
    Delilah Profitt: No. Her first.
    Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: I'm allergic.
    Delilah Profitt: Yeah, and I'm Portuguese. Who cares?


  • Casey Connor: I say we go for the coach. He turned Stan. He's the one. Or do you want to wait for them to come to us?
    Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: Either way we're completely unarmed.
    Zeke: Maybe not. I might have some more skat...In my trunk.
    Zeke: Maybe not. I might have some more skat. In my trunk.
    Casey Connor: In your trunk? In your car? Amongst the aliens? Oh, that's convenient.


  • Zeke: (about the drug) - Sniff it.
    Zeke: (about the drug) Sniff it.
    Casey Connor: You're out of your fu**ing mind!
    Zeke: I'm about to take my chances. I leave for five minutes, and when I come back everyone's a fu**ing alien. Now, if I have to Men in Black your ass, you're gonna fu**ing take it!


  • Zeke: Hello Miss Burke!
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: Hello sweety pie, what are you looking for?
    Zeke: Ah, nothing important. So maybe you changed your mind about the chocolate laxatives?
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: Actually I had my heart set on something cherry flavored, if you know what I mean.
    Zeke: Sorry I'm all outta those but I have something else for you.
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: Yes?
    Zeke: Oh yeah.
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: Something tasty?
    Zeke: (softly) - Let me hook you up.
    Zeke: (softly) Let me hook you up.


  • Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: I'm pretty alien myself today.


  • Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: I'm not putting that hack drug up my nose - it's so eighties!
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: I'm not putting that hack drug up my nose it's so eighties!
    Zeke: Aliens are taking over the earth. Weigh it!


  • Zeke: Yeah, my parents are dead too.
    Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: Really?
    Zeke: Well, they are still "breathing", but for all intents and purposes they might as well be dead.
    Zeke: Well, they are still 'breathing', but for all intents and purposes they might as well be dead.


  • Zeke: (yells at Stan) - No pain Stan? If you come in here I'll show you some fu**ing pain!
    Zeke: (yells at Stan) No pain Stan? If you come in here I'll show you some fu**ing pain!


  • Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: This is your big secret? Caffeine pills?
    Zeke: You didn't see that.


  • Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: (seeing Marybeth turn into a huge alien) No...fu**ing...way!


  • Zeke: (about the drugs) - Stan, take it.
    Zeke: (about the drugs) Stan, take it.
    Stan Rosado: No way, you're taking it!
    Casey Connor: (laughing and obviously high) - You're taking it!
    Casey Connor: (laughing and obviously high) You're taking it!
    Stan Rosado: (Stan picks up gun and points it at Casey) - What the hell is wrong with him?
    Stan Rosado: (Stan picks up gun and points it at Casey) What the hell is wrong with him?
    Zeke: Nothing's wrong with him. He's tweaking you a**hole! Let him fu**ing tweak!
    Casey Connor: (laughing) - Tweak! Tweak!
    Casey Connor: (laughing) Tweak! Tweak!


  • Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: What happens at the end of all those stories, Stokely? How does Invasion of the Body Snatchers turn out?
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: They get us. They win. We lose.
    Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: Maybe we really win; I mean Stan didn't look unhappy.
    Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: Maybe we really win, I mean Stan didn't look unhappy.
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: That's because that wasn't Stan, they took away who he was.
    Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: Maybe they just bettered who he was. Cleared away his confusion. I know you pride yourself on being the outsider, but aren't you tired of pretending to be something you're not? I know I am.


  • Zeke: That's called a gun, man.


  • Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: You know in my world Casey, there were limitless oceans as far as the eye could see. Beautiful, huh? Till it started to dry out. So I escaped, came here, and I met you, all of you, and all of you were different from the others. You were lost and lonely, just like me. And I thought that maybe I could give you a taste of my world. A world without anger, without fear, without attitude. Where the underachiever goes home at night to parents who care. The jock can be smart, the ugly duckling beautiful, and the class wuss doesn't have to live in terror. The new girl - well - the new girl she can just fit right in with anybody. People who are just like her. You see Casey, even Mary-Beth's feelings can be hurt by a bunch of pathetic, lost, little outcasts who truly believe that their disaffected lonely life is the only way they can survive. I can make you a part of something so special Casey, so perfect, so fearless...Don't you want that, Casey?
    Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: You know in my world Casey, there were limitless oceans as far as the eye could see. Beautiful, huh? Till it started to dry out. So I escaped, came here, and I met you, all of you, and all of you were different from the others. You were lost and lonely, just like me. And I thought that maybe I could give you a taste of my world. A world without anger, without fear, without attitude. Where the underachiever goes home at night to parents who care. The jock can be smart, the ugly duckling beautiful, and the class wuss doesn't have to live in terror. The new girl - well - the new girl she can just fit right in with anybody. People who are just like her. You see Casey, even Mary-Beth's feelings can be hurt by a bunch of pathetic, lost, little outcasts who truly believe that their disaffected lonely life is the only way they can survive. I can make you a part of something so special Casey, so perfect, so fearless. Don't you want that, Casey?
    Casey Connor: I'd rather be afraid!
    Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: Fine. Alright. Have it your way! 'Cause this is where your land of fiction gets it right: we win. End of story!


  • Zeke: (laughing on drugs, and talking about Delilah) - Is she always this much fun, man?
    Zeke: (laughing on drugs, and talking about Delilah) Is she always this much fun, man?
    Stan Rosado: (laughing, on drugs) - Sometimes she can be a real bitch.
    Stan Rosado: (laughing, on drugs) Sometimes she can be a real bitch.
    Casey Connor: (laughing, and gives Stan a high five) - Oh Oooooh, yeah!
    Casey Connor: (laughing, and gives Stan a high five) Oh Oooooh, yeah!


  • Zeke: Answer me something, Marybeth. Why are you naked?
    Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: Oh. Does it bother you, Zeke, my body? I'm getting kind of used to it myself.


  • Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: (kisses Stan) - I just don't want to never have done that.
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: (kisses Stan) I just don't want to never have done that.


  • Delilah Profitt: Casey, when did you become Sigourney Weaver?


  • Zeke: (about sniffing the drug) - Casey!
    Zeke: (about sniffing the drug) Casey!
    Casey Connor: Why me first?
    Zeke: It's your birthright, man. Just fu**ing take it.


  • Delilah Profitt: And I'm supposed to trust you? Tell me something, Miss Lesbian, when did you start liking boys?
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: What the f**k you talking about?
    Delilah Profitt: I see the way you look at Stan. So when did you stop muff-diving?


  • Stan Rosado: I'm not an alien...I'm discontent.
    Stan Rosado: I'm not an alien, I'm discontent.


  • Gabe Santora: Where you going, buddy?
    Stan Rosado: We're going to...
    Stan Rosado: We're going to.
    Zeke: Come on, Stan. Jesus Christ...Get in the fu**ing car.
    Zeke: Come on, Stan. Jesus Christ. Get in the fu**ing car.
    Gabe Santora: Sure you don't want to play with us?
    Stan Rosado: Nah, Gabe...but thanks. (They drive away)
    Stan Rosado: Nah, Gabe, but thanks. (They drive away)


  • Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: I always thought the only alien in this high school was me.


  • Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: (to Casey) - You know, Casey, I think you've been racked into the flagpole one too many times.
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: (to Casey) You know, Casey, I think you've been racked into the flagpole one too many times.


  • Stan Rosado: Aliens are taking over the fu**ing school!


  • Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: This is usually the point where somebody says, "Let's get the f**k outta here."
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: This is usually the point where somebody says, 'Let's get the f**k outta here.'
    Stan Rosado: Let's get the f**k outta here.


  • Zeke: Casey. Man, the only person in this school who is an alien...is you, man.
    Zeke: Casey. Man, the only person in this school who is an alien, is you, man.


  • Stan Rosado: Let's go alien for a second. Why here? Why Ohio?
    Casey Connor: Cause if you were going to take over the world, would you blow up the White House Independence Day style...or sneak in through the backdoor?
    Casey Connor: Cause if you were going to take over the world, would you blow up the White House Independence Day style or sneak in through the backdoor?


  • Stan Rosado: Just listen to yourselves. Our teachers are aliens? That's not weird, that's fu**ing psychotic. Come on, guys. This is nuts.
    Delilah Profitt: Then leave, Stan. Why are you hanging around? Go win a Pulitzer.
    Stan Rosado: Blow me, Delilah, 'cause I'm sick of your sh*t.
    Delilah Profitt: Get the f**k out of here and take your freak dyke with you.
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: F**k you, tit bags!


  • Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: You know what, Casey, it's fiction. Okay? - It's science fiction.
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: You know what, Casey, it's fiction. Okay? It's science fiction.
    Casey Connor: Everybody gets hung up on the science part, which has nothing to do with it. They're getting at us through the fiction.
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: So, aliens have just been setting us up over the years, creating this happy little make-believe existence...with their E.T. and their Men In Black movies...just so that nobody would believe it if it really happened?
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: So, aliens have just been setting us up over the years, creating this happy little make-believe existence with their E.T. and their Men In Black movies, just so that nobody would believe it if it really happened?
    Casey Connor: I think so. Yeah...You're not buying this, are you?
    Casey Connor: I think so. Yeah, You're not buying this, are you?
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: No, I'm not...But it's kind of cool.
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: No, I'm not. But it's kind of cool.


  • Casey Connor: Everybody's been acting really strange, especially the faculty.
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: Tell me about it. It's like they've all turned into fu**ing pod people...or something.
    Casey Connor: Into what people?
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: Invasion of the Body Snatchers. A small town was taken over by aliens...That was a joke.
    Casey Connor: Look, what if it really happened?
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: What if that really happened?
    Casey Connor: I think something's taking over our school.
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: The Body Snatchers is a story somebody made up, dingus. It's located in the fiction section of the library.
    Casey Connor: So is Schindler's List. All fiction is based on some truth, right? What does Miss Burke teach us in English 101? Write what you know. How do we know this writer guy...Jack Finney, didn't encounter aliens in his high school...which led him to write a book about an alien invasion?
    Casey Connor: So is Schindler's List. All fiction is based on some truth, right? What does Miss Burke teach us in English 101? Write what you know. How do we know this writer guy, Jack Finney, didn't encounter aliens in his high school which led him to write a book about an alien invasion?
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: Your conspiracy theory is flawed.
    Casey Connor: How so?
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: Jack Finney's The Body Snatchers is a blatant rip-off...of The Puppet Masters by Robert Heinlein. So you can completely disregard that entire work.
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: Jack Finney's The Body Snatchers is a blatant rip-off, of The Puppet Masters by Robert Heinlein. So you can completely disregard that entire work.
    Casey Connor: The point is they're here, they've been here and they're here again.


  • Zeke: Man, I'm really not in the mood, Miss Burke. I'm clean. Not today. It's too damn hot, and I got zero-fu**ing-tolerance.
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: Eat me, you a**hole. I'm the one with no tolerance, you pathetic little runt.
    Zeke: What are you gonna do? Are you gonna call my mother?
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: And how am I supposed to do that, little Zekey boy? Do you even know where she is? Europe, Sri Lanka, Japan? I wonder what remote location she went to this week...to hide from her great big bastard mistake. I've taken your shit for too fu**ing long, you di**less drug-induced excuse for a human being.
    Zeke: Woman, what are you on?
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: "Woman"? Did you just say, "Woman"? I'm sick of you, little boy. And if I see you peddling your wonder dust again, I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your ass...you'll be sucking my toes till graduation.
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: 'Woman?' Did you just say, 'Woman?' I'm sick of you, little boy. And if I see you peddling your wonder dust again, I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your ass you'll be sucking my toes till graduation.
    Zeke: ...She got some bad sh*t.
    Zeke: She got some bad sh*t.


  • student: (slaps her boyfriend) - Fu**ing do something, you pussy puke!
    student: (slaps her boyfriend) Fu**ing do something, you pussy puke!


  • Stan Rosado: I made a "D" on a biology test right after, and Mr. Furlong changed it to an "A." He said I deserved for having such a strong arm. That really bugged me, you know? I worked hard for that "D." That was my "D." I deserved that "D." I just wish people would let me be, you know?
    Stan Rosado: I made a 'D' on a biology test right after, and Mr. Furlong changed it to an 'A.' He said I deserved for having such a strong arm. That really bugged me, you know? I worked hard for that 'D.' That was my 'D.' I deserved that 'D.' I just wish people would let me be, you know?
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: A "D" student.
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: A 'D' student.
    Stan Rosado: Yeah.


  • Casey Connor: Look, you saw it. Mrs. Brummel was dead. They attacked Nurse Harper.
    Delilah Profitt: "They"? Who are "they"? Casey, we don't even know who "they" are.
    Delilah Profitt: 'They'? Who are 'they'? Casey, we don't even know who 'they' are.


  • Mr. Frank Connor: (finds Casey's porno magazines) - Sorry, pal. No more flogging the bishop.
    Mr. Frank Connor: (finds Casey's porno magazines) Sorry, pal. No more flogging the bishop.


  • Casey Connor: You can be such a...
    Casey Connor: You can be such a...
    Delilah Profitt: What?
    Casey Connor: Pretty cool human being when you're not being a first-class, grade-A bitch.
    Delilah Profitt: You hitting on me, Casey?
    Casey Connor: No. No. I just think you can be cool. Sometimes...this not being one of them.
    Casey Connor: No. No. I just think you can be cool. Sometimes, this not being one of them.


  • Casey Connor: Why do you rag on me so much? What did I do?
    Delilah Profitt: Nothing. It's just your fate. You're that geeky Stephen King kid. There's one of you in every school.


  • Miss Elizabeth Burke: Zeke, you cannot conduct personal business on school property.
    Zeke: Well, Miss Burke, we have a problem...because I'm sitting on my car and that's my property.
    Zeke: Well, Miss Burke, we have a problem because I'm sitting on my car and that's my property.
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: Well, I've had complaints from several students...that you've sold them mind-altering substances. You want to tell me about it or take it up with Principal Drake?
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: Well, I've had complaints from several students that you've sold them mind-altering substances. You want to tell me about it or take it up with Principal Drake?
    Zeke: You're too tense, Miss Burke, but I've got just the thing for you.
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: You know, Zeke, I'm the authority figure here. It's time you realized that.
    Zeke: For gentle relief of blockage caused by dietary stress." - Chocolate-flavored laxatives.
    Zeke: For gentle relief of blockage caused by dietary stress. - Chocolate-flavored laxatives.
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: You know...if you applied just five percent...of that intellect to your studies -
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: You know, if you applied just five percent of that intellect to your studies
    Zeke: Not a chocolate lover?
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: You could have made up your finals last summer. - You didn't have to repeat your senior year.
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: You could have made up your finals last summer. You didn't have to repeat your senior year.
    Zeke: How about these? Condoms; Magnum-sized, and they're cherry-flavored. Come on, Miss Burke. They're on me.
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: That's so rude.


  • student: It's Neve Campbell?
    student: And Jennifer Love Hewitt, right?
    Zeke: Yep. Party of prettiness.
    student: And they're naked?
    Zeke: Full frontal.


  • Stan Rosado: (Mrs. Brummel walks into the shower room, naked) - Mrs. Brummel, what the f**k?!
    Stan Rosado: (Mrs. Brummel walks into the shower room, naked) Mrs. Brummel, what the f**k?!


  • Casey Connor: It must really blow being you.
    Stan Rosado: You have no idea.


  • Stan Rosado: I've just been thinking ahead, Coach, and...I've decided to quit the team...and concentrate on my academics.
    Stan Rosado: I've just been thinking ahead, Coach, and I've decided to quit the team and concentrate on my academics.
    Coach Joe Willis: Okay. Stan, we'll miss you.
    Stan Rosado: That's it?
    Coach Joe Willis: Well, what do you want me to say? My star quarterback comes to me the day before we play Brun County, the only team in the district that can kick our ass, and tells me he doesn't want to play. There's something up with that. You seem to be going through some life-defining turning point, and I'm not gonna stand in the way of the human condition. You do what you have to do.
    Stan Rosado: Thanks for not reaming me, Coach.
    Coach Joe Willis: What kind of human being would I be if I did that?


  • Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: You just know everything.
    Zeke: I'm a contradiction.


  • Mr. Furlong: Casey, I don't want to blow smoke up your butt, but I think you found a new species.


  • Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: I'm not a lesbian, all right?
    Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: Be one. Please. Fly free.


  • Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: (bumps into Stan) - Man, get a fu**ing eye dog.
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: (bumps into Stan) Man, get a fu**ing eye dog.
    Stan Rosado: Maybe if you didn't paint your fu**ing eyes shut.


  • Casey Connor: I don't think a person should run unless he's being chased.
    Coach Joe Willis: "Being chased."...I like that.
    Coach Joe Willis: 'Being chased.' I like that.


  • Delilah Profitt: Don't you love the way Stokely accessorizes different shades of black in her ensemble?
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: F**k you, gutter slut.
    Delilah Profitt: I don't know why you insist...on being such a bad example for your people.
    Delilah Profitt: I don't know why you insist on being such a bad example for your people.
    Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: What people?
    Delilah Profitt: I hope you're not a violent lesbian like your new friend.
    Marybeth Louise Hutchinson: I'm not aware of any lesbianism in my lineage.


  • Stan Rosado: Well, I've been weighing the importance of being a jock...with my impending future, and I decided.
    Stan Rosado: Well, I've been weighing the importance of being a jock with my impending future, and I decided.
    Delilah Profitt: You just decided? Stan, what about college? The football scholarship is your only shot.
    Stan Rosado: If I quit now, I can work harder at studying, maybe raise my grades a little. I'd rather go to college...based on my intellect.
    Stan Rosado: If I quit now, I can work harder at studying, maybe raise my grades a little. I'd rather go to college based on my intellect.
    Delilah Profitt: You're not good at studying. Stan, you're good at football. Stick to what you're good at.
    Stan Rosado: Yeah, I've always been good at football and basketball and every other sport I try. I think maybe it's time I try something I'm not so good at, something different.
    Delilah Profitt: And what am I supposed to do while you're on a yellow-brick quest for a brain?
    Stan Rosado: What?
    Delilah Profitt: The accepted social order...is head cheerleaders date star quarterbacks, not academic wanna-bes.
    Stan Rosado: Don't be superficial.
    Delilah Profitt: "Superficial." Four syllables. That's really good, Stan. You're on your way.
    Delilah Profitt: 'Superficial.' Four syllables. That's really good, Stan. You're on your way.


  • Miss Elizabeth Burke: So...what was Crusoe's...greatest fear? Anyone? Yes, Zeke.
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: So, what was Crusoe's greatest fear? Anyone? Yes, Zeke.
    Zeke: Crusoe's afraid that he'd be stuck on that island forever...with nothing but calluses.
    Zeke: Crusoe's afraid that he'd be stuck on that island forever, with nothing but calluses.
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: No, that's not correct. Isolation was his greatest fear.
    Zeke: Yes, but...his external existence in no way compared...to the internal agony of the loneliness he felt.
    Zeke: Yes, but his external existence in no way compared to the internal agony of the loneliness he felt.
    Miss Elizabeth Burke: That's very good.
    Zeke: Like I said...calluses.
    Zeke: Like I said, calluses.


  • Mr. Furlong: What's up with the coach? He's thirsty...Just looking at him makes me want to take a piss.
    Mr. Furlong: What's up with the coach? He's thirsty. Just looking at him makes me want to take a piss.


  • Mr. Furlong: Maybe you should just go home.
    Nurse Rosa Harper: No, thank you. I'm saving my sick days for when I feel better.
    Mr. Furlong: Maybe I should just put a pen in my eye.


  • Zeke: Scat. My own recipe. Guaranteed to jack you up.


  • Zeke: Trust me, man. I'm brilliant.


  • Stan Rosado: (bumps into Stokely) - You okay?
    Stan Rosado: (bumps into Stokely) You okay?
    Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: Walk much?
    Stan Rosado: You ran into me, beast.


  • Stokely 'Stokes' Mitchell: Crash and burn, Casey.


  • Principal Valerie Drake: Coach Willis. What can I do for you?
    Coach Joe Willis: You look...very, very pretty tonight, Miss Drake.
    Coach Joe Willis: You look very, very pretty tonight, Miss Drake.
    Principal Valerie Drake: Have you been drinking, Coach?
    Coach Joe Willis: I'm sorry to bother you, but...I can't seem to find a pencil.
    Coach Joe Willis: I'm sorry to bother you, but I can't seem to find a pencil.
    Principal Valerie Drake: You don't need a pencil, Coach. You need a good night's sleep.
    Coach Joe Willis: I need a pencil.
    Principal Valerie Drake: Sleep it off, Coach.
    Coach Joe Willis: Do you have a pencil?
    Principal Valerie Drake: Jesus Christ, yes, I have a pencil. I have plenty of pencils. Look, why don't you and your pencil go home. It's late.
    Coach Joe Willis: You look...very, very pretty tonight.
    Coach Joe Willis: You look very, very pretty tonight.
    Principal Valerie Drake: Harassment has a really fine line, Coach. Haven't you read your handbook?
    Coach Joe Willis: (stabs Principle Drake in the hand with a pencil) - I've always wanted to do that.
    Coach Joe Willis: (stabs Principle Drake in the hand with a pencil) I've always wanted to do that.


  • Coach Joe Willis: You've got to feel the pressure closing in on you! Then you get rid of the rock! Now get focused...or get the f**k off my team!
    Coach Joe Willis: You've got to feel the pressure closing in on you! Then you get rid of the rock! Now get focused, or get the f**k off my team!


  • Coach Joe Willis: (first lines in the movie) - You got to pick up the line. God damn it! Get off the fu**ing field you limp ass blow jobs!
    Coach Joe Willis: (first lines in the movie) You got to pick up the line. God damn it! Get off the fu**ing field you limp ass blow jobs!


  • Zeke: Just doing my part in the deconstruction of America.


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