G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra Reviews
They could have done so much of a better job in it
Any man born in the early eighties somewhere in Western society remembers GI Joe as one of the coolest toy franchises that (just like "Transformers") had its own cartoon series to make the toys notorious. And boy, notorious they were. Millions of young boys dreamed of having their own plastic Cobra army going against the brave plastic Joe's and of course (unlike the cartoon) defeating them every now and then. I don't remember much of the cartoon series, to be honest, but boy do I remember those fascinating Cobra outfits. Those were the days...
Now we're 20 years later and the toy companies have moved up. Instead of using cartoons to sell their toys, they're using movies. And boy, do they suck. "Transformers" was an empty shell of a film, "Transformers 2" managed to be even worse and then there was "GI Joe". All I can say is "WOW"... What a way to ruin our childhood memories.
"GI Joe" consists of little more than one action scene after the other. While this is not a bad thing per se (I actually liked "Crank" and even "Shoot 'em up" the first time I saw them), the audience of "GI Joe" witnesses its intelligence being consistently insulted by a story that lacks any character development whatsoever, that lacks a coherent plot, that defies physics on a continuous basis and that is so filled with CGI I sometimes felt I was watching an animation film. Suspension of disbelief is one thing, but going throughout this film and remotely taking it seriously is another. Is there any more blatant way to rip off an existing franchise and use film as a way to advertise a new line of toys? And you know what... The one thing that made "GI Joe" so fascinating as a kid was the cool "Cobra" outfits and they managed to ruin that as well. ####, even the toys look like ####!
Watch this film only if you want to get a glimpse of how ridiculously sub par Hollywood blockbusters have become and you feel like making fun of it. Even as a "turn off your brain and enjoy" kind of film, this film is just too moronic to watch in any other setting... unless you're as stupid as the lowest common denominators this film seems to be targeted for. In that case, I pity you.
Gosh! Well, thank you for making me feel more retarded than I already am Mr. Sommers, I owe you one! DOUCHEBAG! Look at Van Helsing, it was a bad film, but at least me and a bunch of other movie goers were having a hell of a great time with it! But as for this? Sign.....typical of you to blast criticism for how you make art! Look at it this way, at least you don't take as much heat as Micheal Bay receives these days! That's something to be thankful for, right pal?
Funny how we don't hear these arguments on this film and heard a tidal wave of complaints when they decided to slap some flames on "Optimus Prime" and turned "Bumble Bee" into a Camaro for the Transformers.
Anyways all joking aside. Surprisingly this film doesn't ask you to lower your IQ, it only asks you to suspend your disbelief much in the same way Star Wars does or Indiana Jones for that matter. In return you are entertained by an evenly paced action film that never really lets up and is always showing off some new elaborate and stylish set piece, action moves, or CGI effect. As for the plot its not all that bad for a summer flick and rather constructed well. The reasoning behind the science may be bunk but its easy enough to understand that the scientific breakthrough that is being fought over is very bad news if it gets into the hands of the bad guys. It provides a realm for the action to take place in that is plausible...all be it remotely.
As well most of the characters were given good face time. "Duke" has an interesting history with the "Baroness" that sort of frees up "Scarlet" and the origins of all the characters especially, "Duke's", "Baroness"' and "Cobra Commander" were all particularly interesting in that certain comic book-revelation sort of style. It was also good to see Ray Park return as the martial arts master behind the mask playing "Snake Eyes". He is best known for his work as "Darth Maul" in Star Wars Ep. I. I was even surprised that Dennis Quaid's character as "General Hawk" served some meaningful purpose to the film. Quaid's veteran status along with Christopher Eccleston's "Destro" gives the cast some level of depth. The leading lady role was some what relegated from "Scarlet" to the "Baroness" (played perfectly by Sienna Miller) so outside of kicking a minimal amount of butt and one very brief kung-fu cat fight "Scarlet" wasn't even really needed. Marlon Wayans' character, played his role adequately as "Ripcord" His character served as Duke's sidekick for the first half of the film and then an emerging arial combat hero at the end but his flirting with "Scarlet" through the duration of the film is weak at best. The pair's bantering in this film reminds me of pre teens in puppy love...YEESH. It would be preferable if either she likes him and moves on with the film or its one rejection and move on with the film...just don't string it out...after all this is a movie for guys.
So over all this film is a good popcorn flick. May even evolve into a fun DVD to watch on a slow or rainy weekend. I wouldn't bother comparing it against the other summer franchises...Terminator, Transformers and GI JOE all score about the same while Star Trek edges out everybody only because its cleverness in the direction its taking a classic franchise; however I found the execution of GI JOE and it conclusion to be equally satisfying as Star Trek.
Its a thumbs up for this movie, and as long as you realize your entering into a sci-fi fantasy environment that just happens to be in your back yard you should be able to have a good couple hours of fun.
Oh and for a real treat look for Brendan Frasier's cameo as "Flint." I hope they bring him in for the sequel.
The final verdict: 3/10
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra doesn't have that much to offer, with bland visuals, a loud, messy plot, and below-average performances from the cast as well as unlikeable characters.