G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra Reviews

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August 20, 2009
Loud, shiny, and critic-proof, this franchise launcher is basically Transformers minus the humanity.
August 14, 2009
[Director] Sommers did the first two chaotic Mummy remakes; those play like Tender Mercies compared to this one.
August 12, 2009
After a first hour that plays like a bad TV show, Sommers hits his groove with an over-the-top Paris chase sequence that, in turn, leads to an underwater finale that's absurdly overproduced, momentarily diverting, and then instantly forgettable.
August 11, 2009
Sometimes, a film defies conventional narrative and artistic standards so utterly that it seems unfair to judge it by them.... Consider this a tone poem in 40 scraps of dialogue.
August 11, 2009
It's just stupid and inept, which are not uncommon traits at the tail end of the summer movie season.
August 11, 2009
This pricey, juiceless pulp could never have been killed by critics, simply because it was already dead.
August 11, 2009
OK, it's seriously deficient in plot or acting. But in this genre, those two ingredients are as superfluous as canoes in a desert.
August 11, 2009
I could load you up with more plot details, but this mercilessly incoherent, galactically stupid movie left me too numb to type.
August 11, 2009
There's an expectation that the audience will be invested in the relationship between Duke and Ana, but the poor writing and lack of chemistry between the principals fails to sell the romance as anything more substantial than a weak plot element.
August 11, 2009
G.I. Joe is a loud but proficient slab of explode-o-rama summer blockbuster nonsense, perfectly entertaining if you like that sort of thing, extremely skippable if you don't.
August 11, 2009
It's a strong rival for Star Trek among the summer's most purely exciting action films.
August 11, 2009
It is impossible to care for the Joes, so cursory is their characterisation, so bland are the actors. It is all so uninvolving, and for that the computer-generated effects are greatly to blame.
August 10, 2009
The new G.I. Joe movie cost $175-million (U.S.) to make and is as cluttered as a nine-year-old's bedroom.
August 9, 2009
It is sure to be enjoyed by those whose movie appreciation is defined by the ability to discern that moving pictures and sound are being employed to depict violence.
August 7, 2009
Basically, the Joes are not bad, it's just that they could have been much better with a little less conversation, a little more action.
August 7, 2009
G.I. Joe is like watching fireworks with a blindfold on: it's deafening and you feel under attack.
August 7, 2009
It's enjoyable enough while it's speeding along. Like the Joes themselves, the movie succeeds by simply crashing headfirst through every obstacle.
August 7, 2009
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is as polished and entertaining as war-mongering toy commercials get.
August 7, 2009
Sure, big dumb fun can be big dumb fun, but Sommers goes beyond the "more is more" modus operandi and launches into "too much is never enough" territory.
August 7, 2009
A movie that's more sci-fi than semper fi -- and possibly the most proudly mindless epic of the year.
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