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as Princess Amelia of Lockland
as King Phillip of Lockland
as Queen Cassandra of Delphi
as Sir Patrick
Critic Reviews for Gryphon
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Audience Reviews for Gryphon
Wow,I find it incredibly hard to believe that Sy-Fy could make such a pathetic excuse of a movie that's as incompetent as Gryphon.Sometimes called "Attack of the Gryphon",this is a movie that shows us just how low the Sy-Fy channel can go,with zero redeeming factors.It's an indescribable mess of a film,and I want to repent for watching,I'm dead honest.The movies is set up to be four different things (at least what I caught).It's like an action movie,it's like a drama movie,it's like a horror movie,and it's like a mythological adventure movie.Now it can be all four in different aspects if not for the fact if I set this review up to describe something,I'd explain it as best I can.Here,it's like trying to bake cookies,fight Blackbeard,ward off Alien invaders,and get the baby to sleep.How's that for a challenge?! I don't think there has been a movie that's set itself up to be a million different things,and accomplish only one of them,and it isn't even one of the things it sets itself up to be.That genre of movie is the "mind fuck" genre,because this a confusing movie for all the wrong reasons.Much to my dismay none the less,let's just dive into Gryphon,because good lord,we're not coming out of this one alive. The plot of Gryphon is that a warrior princess and a rival warrior prince go after an evil sorcerer,who I wish was Jeremy Iron's from Dungeons & Dragons to make this movie slightly better,because his dumb ass decided to summon a "flying demon" upon the land.So,a mythological land has never,ever heard of a Gryphon? Okay,so I'm also going to peg a guess this land hasn't heard of dragons and mountain giants either! Anyway,these two idiots head out to kill this bastard,and are pursued by the Gryphon,who hasn't heard of main character immunity (take lessons from The Strangers,they nabbed the two main characters....well,half of them),and pretty much ends up dying.Which,much to my dismay,is a lousy death.This movie is an entire dismay-filled movie,and it's plot shows it's true colors from the first second.I wanted to lean over to a friend and tell them that this is easily one of the worst films I've watched in 2011,but sadly,she'd jumped out a window and ran as far away as she could.I wonder how far away New York to West Virginia is.I don't care,and the movie doesn't seem to care either.Being force-fed plot exposition to make the movie longer isn't a wonderful feeling.Lemme sum this up.A terrible plot.Reminds me of when I used to watch normal bad Sy-Fy movies and other normal bad movies.To bad those where fun to review,and this is like being told to clean your bloody room. The director apparently directed a film entitled "Attack of the Gryphon".Once again,Rottentomatoes separated this from it's alternative title.Well,this guy has directed 3 movies,and they all seem to be lackluster movies,worthy of the bargain bin.I can't say much about it since I didn't see a damn thing,expect for Amber Benson.Unintentional perverted directing? I think it was intentional most of the time,but it's nice to know I can't see the Gryphon,but can see fan service a majority of the movie.When I can see the Gryphon,it's like Carny got almost all of it's inspiration (for the eerie lighting),from this trash.Horray for seeing an incredibly unbelievably dark,and not scary,Gryphon? Or is that Pegasus on steroids? This director....told the camera man to do whatever he felt like doing,and went to play Tetris or something,because the camera is incompetent,incoherent,and unbelievably terrible.Whoever did the lighting for this trash also aimed it directly at his feet,because I normally can not see shit.Either that,or I'm going blind.Who knows,when watching this kind of garbage,I will soon go blind and only be able to see decent movies.The joys of Gryphon and it's abysmal directing.Now,bad lighting,a horrendous camera,and incompetent directing are the LEAST of this movies directorial problems.The worst offense is the fact that throughout the movie,it attempts to be as stylish,one way or another,like Zach Snyder.Not even slow-motion,just trying to be him! Sorry,but you'll never be him.I don't know why the director wanted to be him,but dear lord,he fails.Over all,ungodly awful directing!! The dialogue is as good as being beaten over the head with a sledgehammer.While the director was playing Tetris and telling the cameraman to do whatever he pleased (the cameraman then wanted to play Zach Snyder),the writers where attempting to make this a movie as epic as being...beaten over the head with a sledgehammer.How incompetent can this movie be? This is becoming a mixture of Dragon Wars and Avatar.I hated Dragon Wars,but I feel sorry for mentioning it in this "movies" review.Well,the average dialogue is worse than the first Maneater movies.It's pretty much as bad as Rottweilers,but this is a lot better than that.But that's like saying that BTK Killer movie is better than that rip-off of Zodiac.All of it feels like unnecessarily long padding,to make this movie actually worthy of even a TV release! Why do we need that in a movie about going after a bad sorcerer? Just gimme action of these fools wailing there swords around,attempting to strike this stupid thing! Why would I ever have to compare this to the movie about the BTK Killer? Why would I need to compare it to the rip-off of Zodiac? I shouldn't (because I don't want to review those,nor mention them again),because this SHOULDN'T be as bad as those! It's insane that this movie could take a simple premise,which should have simplistic dialogue,and turn it into a boring and incompetent mess.This dialogue is just padding,and the character development is nonexistent.You're more likely to find a Tyrannosaurus-Rex in your backyard in the morning,wanting a cup of coffee.I'd hate to break it to you,but that was a real comparison.There pretty much is no character development.Whatever there was,it's inconsistent in the situation these morons are in.I think they can wait to talk about this thing or that thing,just zip it and talk later.I don't even think there needs to be a damn reason for random character development in the middle of the movie,we should have established everything by the middle of the piece of garbage.Not only that,but the accents suck,if they're attempting accents.Over all,dismal dialogue.Along with abysmal accents,if they where even trying...or attempting,you pick your poison. Acting wise,we're given horrendous under acting,and indescribably awful over acting.You could drink a gallon of beer and be unbelievably delusional,and you'll still notice how awful the acting is! Before watching Gryphon,be prepared for acting worse than Disaster Movie! Aside from that (Which I wasn't lying by the way),there is hardly any effort put into any of these roles.None of the actors in this movie seem to have gone onto bigger and better things,they just seem to be in a huge pool of other failed A-list actors.Looking at all of there films they've been in,only about three of the actors where in something noteworthy .Andrew Pleavin would go onto be in Inception! Or at least as "Businessman" in the movie.He was in 300 too,which is sad because that seems to be the highlight of his career.I consider the roll as "Businessman" to be incredibly small.While others where in other movies,I bring up his as the best of the actors.Everyone was in great movies (well,all expect one,who seemed to be in a total of two movies,including this one),one way or another.I say that with a tint of sarcasm.There was no effort to deliver the dialogue.Mostly because the dialogue was said by actors from the D and possible C category.The people who where once considered credible actors (almost all of them at least).I never thought it was possible for actors to say there lines with such long,and laughably melodramatic pauses,or scream them like he or she just got a cinder block dropped on his or her foot.Over all,abysmally horrendous acting. The computer effects are horrendous! If they where trying,then they where watching porn and doing this at the same time! This is a brilliantly accurate miss-fire.I can't even imagine what the budget for this crap was.A maximum of twenty bucks,if any form of budget was involved at all! This is crap I'd imagine to see in an NES game.By 2007,Sy-Fy had SOME decent CGI.In 2005,Rottweiler (there are two pages for that movie,just like this),they used friggin' makeup on the Rottweiler.Here,why am I given CGI,when they clearly had the budget for Rottweiler?! Buy a dog (or rent it?),use makeup,the end.Here,we get an effect that's worse than my drawing! How bad is that? I can't even draw a wolf.Nor can I draw a tree or a flower (decently at least).Now that's good compared to this garbage of a Gryphon.Or more rather a twelfth of a finished effect.Over all,deplorable effects.I'd expect more two years after makeup was used on a Rottweiler.Even if the effects on the Gryphon here are better are a hundred times better than the skeleton of the Rottweiler. The characters are one-dimensional.They are so stupid,that they make Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer look like Harvard material.If they where corpses,then Roaches would take one small bite,and explode with the force of Yellowstone.It's amazing the writers though these characters where passable.If they're passable,then I'm The Beast of 20,000 Fathoms! Honestly,which idiot thought these characters where alright,and threw the writers the money to get a director and actors to be there illogical motion picture,if you dare call it that! Aside from that,the characters do nothing of interest,they just go n there merry adventure to slay the sorcerer who can summon a Gryphon.He is a boring as sorcerer,and the Gryphon I refuse to root for,because it does nothing of interest,but pick off an extra.I can write a better script when I'm playing a video game that has nothing to even do with the topic of awful characters.Unless you count being told you're in someones spot part of a movie.Which,to be fair,is what I expected one of these fools to say.Had they said someone was in there spot,you'd never hear from me again.Over all,the characters are brutally stupid.Hate to be abrupt on that ending there,but this is getting way to long for the movies own good. To end things off,Gryphon is an illogical,unforgiving,and ludicrous mess of a movie.No matter which way,no matter how hard you look,no matter what you do,Gryphon just decimates everything good in it's path,just leaving the awful,awful taste of failure in it's wake.It's perhaps one of the dullest movies on the market to date,and had me wondering when this trash would be over.It's a dreadful experience for the average movie goer,a dull experience for a fan of Sy-Fy Originals,and an awful waste of time for me.Please,for the sake of your own time,do not watch Gryphon.I refuse to even accept the idea of it as a time killer,because it's a waste of time.In the amount of time it takes to watch this,you could water your grass and have more fun than watching Gryphon.Read a book,study on the planets,or even go to a Gamestop and see what's available.Do not bother with Gryphon! I mean it,do not watch it! I score Gryphon a 0 out of 10.I refuse to even count it on my top 10 worst movies of all time,because it would shove it's way to an number,unknown to mathematicians!
The only reason I didn't shut this off 5 minutes into it is because of Amber Benson. It seemed as if whoever wrote this was trying waaayyy too hard, but still didn't know what they were doing. The whole thing was forced and horribly cliched. It was torture and I had to turn it off not even 40 minutes in. Sorry Amber. The one star I give this goes to her.
A nice fantasy film, the CGI gryphon is incrediable. The story a bit weak. Enjoyable to watch nonetheless.
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