A Haunted House (2013)
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Critic Reviews for A Haunted House
Along comes Marlon Wayans to do in A Haunted House what he once did in Scary Movie. And do it much, much worse.
A movie that offends every moral sensibility but delivers few comedic rewards.
Does it even qualify as a movie? Why did it take two people to write and cost $2.5 million to make?
You might chuckle at Wayans huddled in the tub, frantically trying to scrub himself clean of something slightly more earthly-freaky than evil spirits. But watching him get it on with stuffed animals? Ick.
There are vague hints that the story is "really" about the difficulties and anxiety of commitment, but then one of many variations on a fart joke distracts from any actual idea.
Audience Reviews for A Haunted House
This $*%! ain't paranormal! Mediocre funny movie! There's not much you can say about this film. This is one of those cases where you either are the audience for this film or you're not. If you're a fan of the first two Scary Movies, have an admiration for the Wayans brothers, and dig the advertisements for this film, you'll walk out of there with some good laughs here and there. If you completely despise these movies, or this type of humor in general, you'll walk out feeling cheated. All in all, it's not as bad as you're led to believe, but it's still pretty flimsy. Malcolm and Kisha move into their dream home, but soon learn a demon also resides there. When Kisha becomes possessed, Malcolm - determined to keep his sex life on track - turns to a priest, a psychic, and a team of ghost-busters for help.
It is what you should expect.
Malcolm: You made a deal with the devil for a pair of shoes? "This $*%! ain't paranormal." For some reason beyond my control, I have watched a movie that I said I never would. I'm more sick of these ridiculous horror spoofs than anyone, but for some reason, my better judgement is always one upped by my fascination for how bad these things can be. In the end, the only thing that keeps me watching these, is seeing just how terrible they can get. A Haunted House happens to be pretty fucking terrible. Malcolm's new girlfriend moves into his house and he is going to document their new beginning. When things start happening in the house it is brought to Malcolm's attention that his a demon followed his girlfriend to his house. So basically think Paranormal Activity, but taken to the most ridiculous levels. The humor is what you'd expect. A lot of race jokes, fart jokes, etc. None of the humor was at all intelligent or in any way funny, but as long as the 10 year olds are laughing, I guess that's all that matters. I don't know how anyone could find any enjoyment in this at all. A Haunted House is a disgrace and just a terrible movie in general. As far as a recommendation goes, my recommendation would be to stay as far away from this one as possible. Don't see it. Unless of course seeing a sheet move because of a woman's gas puts you into fits of laughter. If not, this one is not for you.
A Haunted House Quotes
|Kisha:||There's a ghost in the house!|
|Malcolm:||There's a ghost in your ass. (Referring to her farting the last night)|
|Malcolm:||There's a ghost in your ass.|
|Malcolm:||Bitch, there's a ghost in the house! Deuces!|
|Chip the Psychic:||I would say watermelon, but that could be racist.|
|Dan "the Man":||I would say watermelon, but that could be racist.|
|Malcolm:||Nobody is going to hurt you on my watch. Unless somebody has a gun.|
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