Horrible Bosses - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

Horrible Bosses Quotes

  • Kurt: If Nick and I were in a prison who do you think would be raped more??
    Dale: Nick.
    Kurt: Nick, really? Huh.


  • Nick: My boss, who we're planning to kill is dying... And you save his life!!!!
    Dale: Well it sounds bad when you say it like that.


  • Dale: Penis?!
    Wetwork Man: Penis?!
    Dale Arbus: Penis?!
    Dave Harken: PEANUTS!
    Dale Arbus: Oh peanuts!
    Dale: Oh my god, peanuts! Your allergic to peanuts!
    Wetwork Man: Oh my god, peanuts! You're allergic to peanuts!


  • Kurt: I'd sure like to bend her over the barrel and show her 50 states.


  • Jack Pellit: Life is a marathon and you can't win a marathon without putting a few Band-Aids on your nipples.


  • Nick Hendricks: I was drag racing.
    Officer Wilkens: In a Prius?!?!
    Officer Wilkens: In a Prius?
    Nick Hendricks: I don't win a lot.


  • Kurt Buckman: You know, they should call you Motherfucker Over-Jones, to avoid confusion. Right? Dean 'MF' Jones: What's the confusion?


  • Dr. Julia Harris: You said she was just a hole for your dick.
    Dale Arbus: I never said that...Not really my style.
    Dale Arbus: I never said that... Not really my style.


  • Kurt Buckman: Oh, and to answer your question, that was your wife.
    Dave Harken: You fucked my wife?
    Kurt Buckman: I fucked your wife!!
    Kurt Buckman: I fucked your wife!


  • Kurt Buckman: What about you grandmother, "Booby"?
    Kurt Buckman: What about you grandmother, 'Booby'?
    Nick Hendricks: Gam Gam
    Nick Hendricks: Gam Gam.


  • Dale Arbus: What do you mean 'deliberately undress?'. So, you 'accidentally undress?'


  • Dale: Why did you put his whole bathroom in your ass!?


  • Dale: [Wetwork Man] are you telling me i drove all this way and no one wants to get pissed on.
    Dale: [Wetwork Man] Are you telling me I drove all this way and no one wants to get pissed on?


  • Nick Hendricks: i get to work before the sun comes up and i leave long after its gone down i havent had sex in six months with someone other than myself and the only thing in my refrigerator is an old lime it could me a kiwi no way to tell
    Nick Hendricks: I get to work before the sun comes up, and I leave long after it's gone down. I haven't had sex in 6 months with someone other than myself. And the only thing in my refrigerator is a old lime. It could be an old kiwi, no way to tell.


  • Dr. Julia Harris: Oh, I'm sorry Dale. I'm a squirter.


  • Dean 'MF' Jones: They call me Motherf***er Jones my mother was a drunk when i was a kid. So one night she passed out on her bed naked. I walked into her room, slipped my fingers in her purse....and stole all her money from her wallet; whole week's pay. i really f***ed that mother over
    Dean 'MF' Jones: They call me Motherf***er Jones my mother was a drunk when I was a kid. So one night she passed out on her bed naked. I walked into her room, slipped my fingers in her purse....and stole all her money from her wallet; whole week's pay. I really f***ed that mother over.


  • Bobby Pellit: Yo, dickwad! What the fuck?
    Kurt Buckman: What?
    Bobby Pellit: Three hours late. What's the deal?
    Kurt Buckman: I was at your fathers funeral!
    Bobby Pellit: Uh huh. Maybe that excuse would work if my dad was here, but, I'm in charge now.
    Kurt Buckman: That excuse wouldn't make any sense if dad was still here.


  • Kurt Buckman: We've been taking murder advice from someone whos biggest crime is... taping an Ethan Hawke movie!
    Dean 'MF' Jones: So you do know the movie?


  • Dale: (After pellit is shot) what's going on hows pellit?
    Dale: [after pellit is shot] what's going on hows pellit?
    Dale: [after Pellit is shot] what's going on hows pellit?
    Nick: Still pretty f***Inge dead dale.
    Nick: Still pretty f***Inge dead Dale.


  • Rhonda Harken: Your balls are so soft.


  • Nick Hendricks: (During Nick's Intro) The only hitch: I work for this guy, David Harken, who right now is feeding me some fresh sh*t for being two minutes late. He's a total f*cking asshole.
    Nick Hendricks: [during Nick's intro] The only hitch: I work for this guy, David Harken, who right now is feeding me some fresh sh*t for being two minutes late. He's a total f*cking asshole.
    Dale Arbus: (During Dale's Intro) And it would've been the perfect job, if it weren't for one evil, crazy b*tch...D.D.S.
    Dale Arbus: [during Dale's intro] And it would've been the perfect job, if it weren't for one evil, crazy b*tch...D.D.S.
    Kurt Buckman: (During Kurt's Intro) And if the worst thing about this job is having to tolerate my boss' dipsh*t cokehead son, well, it's a small price to pay.
    Kurt Buckman: [during Kurt's intro] And if the worst thing about this job is having to tolerate my boss' dipsh*t cokehead son, well, it's a small price to pay.


  • Kurt: They should call u Motherf***er Over Jones to avoid confusion
    Kurt: You know, they should call you... Motherfucker-over Jones to avoid confusion, right?


  • Dale Arbus: [Dale hands Julia the dental water spray]
    Dr. Julia Harris: Alright, let see if this thing is working. [she sprays Dale in the crotch with the dental water spray]
    Dr. Julia Harris: Ooh!
    Dale Arbus: Oh, my God!
    Dr. Julia Harris: Oh! I'm sorry. I'm a squirter, Dale. Oh, you know what? I think, I can make out our little friend right there! [she squirts him in the crotch again with the water spray]
    Dale Arbus: Stop it!
    Dr. Julia Harris: Shabbat Shalom, somebody's circumcised!


  • Dr. Julia Harris: I bet you're no shrimp in the c*ck department, huh Dale?
    Dale Arbus: Okay, Julia. Come on!
    Dr. Julia Harris: What?
    Dale Arbus: I'm not comfortable talking about that.
    Dr. Julia Harris: Oh, Dale! Come on! You know that I like to fool around! [she takes the hand of the patient and places it on her breast]
    Dale Arbus: Oops! [to the patient]
    Dr. Julia Harris: Mr. Anderton! Not in the office! This is bad! [hitting the patients hand]
    Dr. Julia Harris: Bad! Bad! Bad!
    Dale Arbus: Probably shouldn't hit the patients.


  • Nick: (showing Nick's intro) My boss he's a TOTAL FUCKING ASSHOLE.
    Nick: [showing Nick's intro] My boss he's a TOTAL FUCKING ASSHOLE.
    Dale: (showing Dale's intro) My boss she's a EVIL CRAZY BITCH.
    Dale: [showing Dale's intro] My boss she's a EVIL CRAZY BITCH.
    Kurt: (showing Kurt's intro) My boss he's a DIPSHIT COKEHEAD SON.
    Kurt: [showing Kurt's intro] My boss he's a DIPSHIT COKEHEAD SON.


  • Dean 'MF' Jones: My name is Motherfucker Jones.
    Kurt: Your first name is Mother Fucker?
    Kurt: Your first name is...Motherfucker?


  • Dean 'MF' Jones: i can't walk around this f*****g neighborhood with that disney ass name
    Dean 'MF' Jones: I can't walk around this f**king neighborhood with that Disney-ass name.


  • Dale: Speaking of entrapment, I going to see that girl about her vagina.
    Dale: Speaking of entrapment, I'm going to see that girl about her vagina.
    Dale: Excuse me.


  • Dale: YOU ARE A CRAAAAAZZZZY BIIIIIIIITCH WHOOOOOREEEE!!!! God that felt good!
    Dale Arbus: You crazy bitch whore! [pauses for a moment]
    Dale Arbus: Ah! That felt good!


  • Dean 'MF' Jones: my name is Dean Mother Fu**er Jones
    Dean 'MF' Jones: My name is Dean Mother Fu**er Jones.


  • Nick: I don't have sleeve gloves!


  • Dale: We are MEN, SEEKING A MAN!


  • Dean 'MF' Jones: I can't go around with a Disney ass name like that!
    Dean 'MF' Jones: I can't walk around this f**kin neighborhood with that Disney-ass name.


  • Kurt: You can't win a marathon without putting some bandaids on your nipples!


  • Dean 'MF' Jones: I´m your murder consultant.
    Dean 'MF' Jones: I'm going to be your murder consultant.


  • Dr. Julia Harris: I'm a squirter Dale!


  • Kurt: Tell you what, I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states, you know what I'm saying?


  • Bobby Pellit: We need to trim some of the fat.
    Kurt Buckman: What do you mean by trim the fat?
    Bobby Pellit: I want you to fire the fat people. They're lazy and they're slow and they make me sad to look at. You can start with Large Marge.
    Bobby Pellit: Marge can you come in here please?


  • Dale: We are men looking for a man
    Dale: We are men looking for a man.


  • Dale: So you took the penis foods as an imitation of fuck her.
    Kurt: No. I took her imitation of fuck her, as an imitation of fuck her.
    Kurt: No. I took her invitation of fuck her, as an invitation of fuck her.


  • Dale: You're a raper, you raped me, that's a RAPE!


  • Bobby Pellitt: You can fire Professor Xavier. Creeps me out, Rolling around all day in his special little secret chair.
    Bobby Pellitt: You can fire Professor Xavier.
    Kurt: You mean Hank.
    Bobby Pellitt: Creeps me out, rolling around all day in his special little secret chair.


  • Dale: At least your boss isn't sexually harassing you.


  • Kurt: Your boss is so hot.
    Kurt: Your boss is incredibly hot.
    Dale: Don't talk about how hot she is.
    Kurt: She makes herself a little snack. First, a popsicle. Then, a banana. And finally, a hot dog. And eating them in that weird order thats not a proper meal.
    Kurt: She makes herself a little snack. A popsicle. A banana. And finally, a hot dog. And eating them in that weird order thats not a proper meal.
    Nick: That's hot to cold.
    Nick: That's cold to hot.
    Nick: It's cold to hot.


  • Nick: I was drag Racing.
    Nick: I was drag racing.
    Nick: Cop: In a prius?
    Nick: I dont win alot.


  • Nick: "Can you explain why you were going 61 on a 25 zone?" "I was drag racing..." "...In a prius?" "I don't win a lot."
    Nick: I was drag racing.


  • Kurt: What do you mean trim the fat?
    Kurt: What do you mean by, 'trim the fat'?


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