Da 5 Bloods
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I May Destroy You
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The English dubbed version is an incredible ride! Even though some of the dialogue was lost in translation
Five stars to see if the average rating changed. (It didn't.)
According to naive dream symbolism, spiders are often stand-ins for maternal figures-which might explain some of the deep misogyny at work here. At least the MST3K crew were able to spin out some especially good laughs from this eight-legged garbage.
A bunch of models from New York get a gig in Singapore. On the way, their plane crashes and they end up stranded on an island with their photographer (Egyptian actor Alexander d'Arcy). They find a shack with a dead scientist in a giant spider web, and they are surprisingly unfazed by this, moving into the shack and stripping to their underwear. Photographer guy goes for a walk to clear his head and is bitten by a really big spider. It transforms him into a spider man ... the hairy monstrous kind, not the red suited emo superhero kind. This seems like a great setup, but nothing really happens for the next 40 minutes. The chicks seem remarkably unfazed by the photographers disappearance and the spider dude just hangs out vaguely menacing the women but not really doing anything. Some guys show up to bring supplies to the scientist. They find the women and everyone parties with whiskey until spider guy shows up and everybody chases everybody. This film is a very thin excuse to put a bunch of women in bikinis and underwear for an hour and 15 minutes. That's fine I guess, but it's so very very very dull. Fassbinder fans have a reason to check it out ... Barbara Valentin from "Ali: Fear Eats the Soul", "Effi Briest" and "Berlin Alexanderplatz" plays Babs and hangs out in skimpy outfits.
The usual low-budget stuff, although this one is at least atmospheric and has some nice cinematography.
MST3K version is mildly amusing with a few chuckles but even they can't save this low budget flick. Pass on it.
As the new MST3K Netflix original was being promoted I decided to expose myself to some of the old episodes available for streaming on Hulu and Netflix (there is a different random selection on each platform). Whether it is Joel or Mike watching these awful movies with the bots I do not envy the torture they are put through. Their snarky comments add some entertainment value, but my ratings are based on the movie's quality itself and not the extra material broadcast from the satellite of love. This one approaches the so bad it's good category for me. It brought some fun and laughs with its cheesy writing and effects. This German film filmed in Yogolavia is also known as Body in the Web. A manager and his troupe of sexy dancing girls being trapped on an island is nothing new. The scale of the spider puppet is confusing (and are there supposed to be many around the island?). Its bite turns him into some kind of beast (without eight legs), but when the spider or the man-spider bites the women they simply die. A low-budget horror that does not deliver on its tagline "Blood-Curdling! Hair-Raising! Spine-Chilling!"
Seems to want to indulge in showing flirty relationships rather than getting to the crux of the horror on the island.
"What are dancers? Hot goods for cold nights."-Robby (Allen Turner)
AKA: Attack of the Monster with Hairy Palms.
It delivers on its promise of women wearing next to nothing more than your average '50s "babes on a desert island" exploitation movie (yes that is an entire subgenre) but overall this movie is not very memorable.