The Hottie and the Nottie Reviews
The best way I can describe the premise is "dumb". Nate Cooper (Joel David Moore) has been in love with Cristabel Abbott (Hilton) since he was a kid and it's destroyed any potential future relationships. He finds her years later but unfortunately they can't date because Cristabel's ugly best friend, June (Christine Lakin, in an embarrassing role as "The Nottie") is perpetually single. For Nate to get the girl of his dreams, he'll have to find someone for June.
Let's just get Paris Hilton out of the way. In some ways she's the worst part of the film, but there are so many misfires here that it's hard to tell. Hilton's performance is very low-key. She has absolutely no charisma with any of her co-stars and most of the shots are meant to highlight her looks rather than her talent. It's very hard to see what the men in this movie see in her because she really doesn't convey the "girl of my dreams" idea well at all. I liked her more in "House of Wax" where she ended up with a spear through her head.
The main conflict of the film is that Cristabel won't go out with Nate as long as her unattractive friend Jude hasn't gotten a boyfriend. It's cartoonish, but sure. The problem I have is that Jude is depicted as unattractive to an inhuman level. We get a lot of bad gross-out humour and predictable gags based on her appearance. The kind of stuff children would write for a quick English class assignment. Jude has bad teeth, bad hair, bad skin, dumpy-looking clothes and an infected toenail (which comes up more than once and will make you gag rather than laugh). She is placed in situations that will make you shake your head, like doing yoga, just so she can bend awkwardly and show off unattractive features. She's going out to swim in an unflattering bathing suit and is portrayed as someone who simply doesn't take care of herself. To me it shows that Cristabel is a terrible friend, the kind of person that hangs out with an ugly chick to look better. Obviously Hilton's character spends time doing her hair, makeup and shopping for nice clothes. She's can't give any advice to her BFF? With a bit of maintenance and some effort, a fair amount of the issues that make June look like a Morlock could be easily dealt with. There does appear to be an attempt to plug this plot hole, but I don't see why Jude would turn down an offer to get an ugly mole on her face removed for free. Doctors are usually pretty compelling and come on, that could be skin cancer it's so vile!
You would think that the message of the film would be something like "Beauty is only skin deep and it's what inside that counts". That's not the case. Cristabel has no personality, Jude is depicted as negative and easily irritable (until her inevitable makeover of course) and Nate is constantly lying and making up stories to impress the two women. The only character who seems to be generally nice is a doctor introduced about halfway through the film that is shown to be handsome, compassionate, rich, kind and genuinely interested in getting to know Jude but he is given a last minute change to turn him into a villain. Call it a display of garbage talent, I think it might be because the director realized that everyone in his movie was about as likeable as a piece of rib stuck between your teeth and figure that like Cristabel who makes herself look better by standing next to a double-bagger at all times, he'd make one character so ugly on the inside that everyone else would be "likeable".
The movie is predictable, hitting the familiar elements found in bad romantic comedies. It isn't very funny. There's nothing here to compel couples to watch it, or even lonely people who lament the fact that they don't have a date on Valentine's Day. The images on display are often quite disgusting. Oh, and then there is a large chunk of "The Hottie and the Nottie" which is dedicated to Nate attempting to trick people into dating Jude. Everything from bribery to hypnotism is involved and it'll make you want to scoop your eyes out with lemon ballers it's so bad.
My expectations were low, so I left the movie feeling like it's more unbearably mediocre than genuinely awful, which actually works against the movie. The only reasons you would pick this up to watch would be to see something romantic and funny featuring Paris Hilton (and we've already established that this movie isn't romantic or funny because there is no charisma and the jokes are all very obvious) or because you would want something bad to laugh at. That's the reason I sought this out. Unfortunately this isn't that kind of bad movie. "The Hottie and the Nottie" is just another painful romantic comedy that doesn't offer anything new to the genre. Most people will turn it off 5 to 10 minutes in. (On DVD, February 22, 2013)
Nate Cooper (Joel David Moore) has never forgotten his first love Cristabel (Paris Hilton). In order to date her, he needs to find a date for her not so attractive friend June (Christine Lakin). First off, the writing and storyline make absolutely no sense. All my life, I have never heard the term "Nottie" before. In fact, it's not even a real word. The basic premise is Paris Hilton is the hottest woman in L.A... and that's it. In that process though, the script is so mean spirited toward June and anyone else who doesn't look like they could be on the cover of GQ. Was the script written in crayon or something?
Let's just face it, Paris Hilton is a terrible actress. Then again, I don't even think she's trying to portray any character. She's mainly just being herself while reciting lines with no conviction or believability. As for everyone else, yeah they're pretty bad too. Then again, the real actors (I say that as a figure of speech) have terrible material to work with. Still, I must fault anyone who thought being in a movie filled with gross out humor, awful dialogue and constant slow motion shots of Paris Hilton in a bikini was a good idea.
You want to know the most awful thing about this movie? It's very manipulative and deceptive. It really tries to convince you that there's a worthwhile message about inner beauty and being who you are. When really... THERE IS NO POINT TO THIS MOVIE! Be honest Heidi Ferrer, you were hired to do one thing, write in as many scenes as possible with Paris posing like a model. Also write idiotic dialogue like this: "A world without organisms would be like a world without flowers".
This film really should've won more Razzies than it got. Maybe even the Razzie for Worst Picture. Then again, who the hell saw it? The Hottie and The Nottie (according to Box Office Mojo) only made about $27,696 domestically. It was a huge bomb to say the least. Obviously, you can see why. The movie is manipulative, shallow, disgusting, horribly written and horribly directed. Here's my advice to Paris Hilton, stick to being a paparazzi star.