I'm Not Jesus Mommy - Movie Reviews - Rotten Tomatoes

I'm Not Jesus Mommy Reviews

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June 16, 2014
I'm Not Jesus Mommy (Vaughn Juares, 2010)

For the first third or so of its length, save some subpar acting, I'm Not Jesus Mommy is an intriguing little low-budget movie that, on many levels, makes perfect sense. Kimberly Gabriel (Bridget McGrath in her first feature), an obstetrician, is haunted by her own inability to conceive. When maverick researcher Roger Gibson (Living Arrangements' Charles Hubbell) approaches her with a fat government contract and some snake oil about human cloning, she resists at first, but eventually sees the opportunity in light of her own ulterior motives. The obvious question becomes: how far will a woman go to have a baby?

Then we skip forward seven years, and everything goes to hell. Earth is locked in the middle of a new ice age. The streets are dangerous, there is little food to go around, and Roger, Roger's sister, Kimberly, and Kimberly's son David are holed up in a small apartment, only going out when absolutely necessary to procure food. The entire remainder of the film takes place in that apartment.

Sounds promising, no? And perhaps in the right hands, the final two-thirds of the movie could have been turned into the kind of tense sci-fi thriller that Vaughn Juares obviously intended this to be. But, and isn't there always a "but" after a statement like that?, it...isn't. I'm not entirely sure how to put this tactfully, so I'll go with "I'm not Jesus Mommy rivals The Room for moments of unintentional hilarity." One-room dramas live and die based on the quality of the actors involved, so the "some subpar acting" of the first third, which you can gloss over with everything else going on, takes center stage. Add in a script that leaves out just a little too much to be impressionist and never avoids cliché-in fact, runs headlong into it as often as possible-and you've got something that ends up being a chore to sit through. Don't hit play on this one unless you have prepared yourself for an overdose of cheese. *
September 29, 2013
Bad acting. It was a good plot idea , failed execution. Taking the DNA of Jesus Christ and using it to create a clone, but by the time he is born, the world starts to fall apart; then by age 7 starts to show some powers (like healing and mind manipulation) and proves he's not Jesus, but the Anti-Christ. So many ways to make that plot work, but they failed. If a part of me liked something of this movie, it was that, the plot idea.
March 14, 2013
what a load of balls. the storyline seemed good, but everything was just plain bad. music, acting, setting, script, progression. just ugh
February 7, 2013
This was the most rotten movie I have seen. Boring!
January 21, 2013
Odd, weird, and not very good.
December 9, 2012
Horrible. I usually try to give every little indie film the benefit of the doubt as I know how much time and effort goes into just getting a film made; however, there is no excuse for this film. Obvious that the producer put herself into the lead role just because she could. The film was not believable at all from page one. Her relationship wasn't believable, the concept, the characters... nothing worked. The acting was dreadful and the story was all over the place. Just a bad film that I couldn't even stomach all the way to the end.
November 2, 2012
The acting was pretty bad. The ruin the movie [SPOLERS] A crazy man tries to clone Jesus. This brings the end of the world. How is not quite clear. There are a lot of gaps in this movie, which would be ok but this movie just wasn't made very well.
½ October 16, 2012
I'm not Spielberg, Mommy.
½ September 16, 2012
Strange movie but worth a one time watch at least. I couldn't get it.
August 12, 2012
Well there was about a 0.0001% chance that I was going to become "saved" at some point in my life and this movie killed that for me. I have read other reviews that said this was a home-schooled Christian teen flick and they were absolutely right. The movie starts out relatively sanely -- desperate infertile fertility doctor (I kid you not) does some unscrupulous things with cloning..then we are miraculously catapulted or should I say "raptured" 7 years forward to the end times (I figured out it was the end times by doing a quick google search). One of the Christian protagonists offs someone because they refused to be saved...gee whiz...why not just let the End-Times do their thing? Really disappointing movie but I have to comment -- the ill-fated infertility doctor looks more Jewish than Christian and I sense this was a subtle attempt at sending some kind of message..which I find very reprehensible.
½ July 11, 2012
OMG this was such a waste of money! The story line was what drew me in and is the only saving grace of the film. The terrible acting and directing just ruins any hope of this being a good film.
July 7, 2012
Who can resist a movie titled "I'm not Jesus Mommy"? I sure couldn't. I should have known better though. The plot lacked so much continuity that I was guessing what what going on through the last half of the film. The basic storyline was good but the execution was really poor. It was just all over the place. It would have been interesting to see this movie with a bigger budget. Alas, I would not recommend this film. It just leaves you with a "huh"???
July 7, 2012
This is an Independent film, and was surprisingly interesting. It's thought-provoking, a conversation starter and touches lightly on topics and controversial issues, rather than blatantly addressing what the director's opinion of the matters are.
½ June 18, 2012
this movie has no sense
½ June 18, 2012
The movie left me confused and dissapointed. Too bad. The initial idea had promise.
June 16, 2012
The production value isn't bad for a low budget film, but how did no one notice that the lead actress is no beuno? Oh, because she produced it. Someone tell her to stick to production...
May 17, 2012
Interesting idea but bad delivery.
½ March 11, 2012
Ridiculous acting and storyline. I feel ripped off.
February 13, 2012
find this movie any where.. Really want to see!!
January 13, 2012
You can see the elements of a good story, good cinematography but it doesn't get pulled together. At first, thought it might be a republican right wing sponsored movie due to references to a "liberal" president and other mentions. Disappointing as a horror movie, as missing suspense and true creepy moments. Writing so-so, not even campy enough to he good in that way. The actor that played the doctor who seeks redemption was great. Other actors were cringe worthy awkward. And the end didn't get sorted out other than cliche Antichrist ending. Watched to the end to see what happened, but not worth it. Needed refining, editing, quicker pace, and less musical score. Too bad as storyline had potential.
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