Jack and Jill - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

Jack and Jill Quotes

  • Jill Sadelstein: (to Otto) You don't look homeless to me, you're fat! You're Al Quida!
    Jill Sadelstein: [to Otto] You don't look homeless to me, you're fat! You're Al Quida!


  • Jill Sadelstein: "Mom always said it's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it"
    Jill Sadelstein: Mom always said it's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.


  • Jill Sadelstein: WHERE WERE YOU?!?!?!?
    Jill Sadelstein: WHERE WERE YOU?


  • Jill Sadelstein: Are you going bald?
    Jack Sadelstein: Huh?
    Jill Sadelstein: No, no, no, no, you're getting fatter, and your hair doesn't realize it needs to cover more face.
    Jack Sadelstein: Okay.


  • Jack Sadelstein: (Jill is in the bathroom) Hey Jill, can I talk to you for a second?
    Jack Sadelstein: [Jill is in the bathroom] Hey Jill, can I talk to you for a second?
    Jill Sadelstein: No! My bags are packed and there's nothing left to... [farts] say! [farts again] I spent the day at Felipe's picnic where I finally felt welcome. [farts again] By everybody! I tried to serve food for the very first time! [farts again]
    Jack Sadelstein: I'm guessing Mexican?
    Jill Sadelstein: Yes, Mexican, Mr. Food Detector! [farts again] At Felipe's! [farts again, very loudly]
    Jack Sadelstein: What, is Evel Knievel doing wheelies in there?


  • Jill Sadelstein: [Whispering] He's homeless, right? He seems clean, but you should put one of those toilet seat protectors underneath him to make sure he doesn't ruin the chair.
    Jill Sadelstein: [whispering] He's homeless, right? He seems clean, but you should put one of those toilet seat protectors underneath him to make sure he doesn't ruin the chair.
    Jack Sadelstein: Are you whispering with a bullhorn or something? Everybody hears you.
    Jill Sadelstein: No, they can't, Mr. Hearing Expert.


  • Himself: Your sister an I grew up on the same street. When I look at her, I see me.
    Jack Sadelstein: When I look at her I see me too.


  • Jill Sadelstein: I crave this family time!


  • Jill Sadelstein: Maybe I should stay through Hanukah.


  • Felipe: Oh yes. We play games,we eat, and we steal whites peoples wallets
    Felipe: Oh yes. We play games,we eat, and we steal whites peoples wallets.
    Jill Sadelstein: What!?
    Felipe: I'm kidding! We don't eat.


  • Himself: This must never be seen by anyone!


  • Todd: '' She converted right. That's so cool, she doesn't look Jewish at all ''
    Todd: She converted right. That's so cool, she doesn't look Jewish at all.
    Jill Sadelstein: '' Maybe God wouldn't have gave you a rat face if you believed in him ''
    Jill Sadelstein: Maybe God wouldn't have gave you a rat face if you believed in him.
    Otto: ''Star Wars ''
    Otto: Star Wars.
    Himself: Johnny Depp ''What do you think people are thinking..that I'm sitting with my grandma''
    Himself: Al Pacino '' I'm sorry, who crest ''


  • Jack Sadelstein: ''Are you whispering with a bullhorn or something''
    Jack Sadelstein: Are you whispering with a bullhorn or something?


  • Jack Sadelstein: ''Tomorrows he's going to go back home...less''
    Jack Sadelstein: Tomorrows he's going to go back home...less.


  • Jack Sadelstein: My balls are itchey!


  • Jack Sadelstein: "Your looking a little like bin laden there."
    Jack Sadelstein: You're looking a little like Bin Laden there.


  • Felipe: "Oh yes. We play games, we eat, we steal white people's money."
    Felipe: Oh yes. We play games, we eat, we steal white people's money.
    Jill Sadelstein: "What?"
    Jill Sadelstein: What?
    Felipe: "I'm kidding. We don't eat."
    Felipe: I'm kidding. We don't eat.


  • Jill Sadelstein: "Maybe I should stay through Hanukkah."
    Jill Sadelstein: Maybe I should stay through Hanukkah.


  • Jack Sadelstein: "This is the guy who's gonna do a dunken doughnuts commercial."
    Jack Sadelstein: This is the guy who's gonna do a dunken doughnuts commercial.
    Jack Sadelstein: This is the guy who's gonna do a Dunken Doughnuts commercial.


  • Jill Sadelstein: "I need to drop little chocolat bombs."
    Jill Sadelstein: I need to drop little chocolate bombs.


  • Jill Sadelstein: What..what is this Internet thing!? (Jill whinning) You know i don't understand those things! I DON'T EVEN OWN A CALCULATOR !
    Jill Sadelstein: What..what is this Internet thing!? [Jill whinning] You know I don't understand those things! I DON'T EVEN OWN A CALCULATOR!
    Jill Sadelstein: What..what is this Internet thing!? [Jill whining] You know I don't understand those things! I DON'T EVEN OWN A CALCULATOR!


  • Soccer Player #1: I told you she was a woman
    Soccer Player #1: I told you she was a woman.


  • Felipe: Just kidding!!!
    Felipe: Just kidding!


  • Jack Sadelstein: " Actually I did feel something, Pride in my son."
    Jack Sadelstein: Actually I did feel something, Pride in my son.
    Jack Sadelstein: Actually I did feel something... Pride in my son.


  • Gary: Busted, disgusted,never to be trusted!
    Gary: Busted, disgusted, never to be trusted!


  • Jack Sadelstein: God told me you have your feet on my desk!!
    Jack Sadelstein: God told me you have your feet on my desk!
    Jack Sadelstein: God told me your feet were on my desk.


  • Felipe: "IM KIDDING IM KIDDING"
    Felipe: I'm kidding, I'm kidding.


  • Jill Sadelstein: Aw will you stop already? You know all he wants to do is play twister with your sister.


  • Jack Sadelstein: Are you whispering with a bull horn or something? Everybody hears you!


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