The Jerk - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

The Jerk Quotes

  • Navin Johnson: Truck Driver Picking Up Navin: St. Louis? Navin R. Johnson: No, Navin Johnson.
    Navin Johnson: No, Navin Johnson.

  • Madman: (aiming at Navin at the gas station) Die, gas pumper!
    Madman: [aiming at Navin at the gas station] Die, gas pumper!

  • Patty Bernstein: [provocatively] You know what I wanna do?
    Navin Johnson: What's that?
    Patty Bernstein: Guess *your* weight. [starts squeezing on him everywhere]
    Navin Johnson: Hey, you're really trying to be accurate!

  • Navin Johnson: Good Lord - I've heard about this - cat juggling! Stop! Stop! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Good. Father, could there be a God that would let this happen?

  • Madman: [Points to Navin's name in the phone book] Johnson, Navin R... sounds like a typical bastard.
    Madman: [points to Navin's name in the phone book] Johnson, Navin R... sounds like a typical bastard.

  • Navin Johnson: [Navin recites some wisdom] Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.

  • Navin Johnson: For one dollar I'll guess your weight, your height, or your sex.

  • Navin Johnson: He hates these cans!

  • Navin Johnson: You mean I'm going to stay this color??
    Navin Johnson: You mean I'm going to stay this color?

  • Navin Johnson: Stan Fox: Damn these glasses. Navin R. Johnson: Yes, sir. [to the glasses] Navin R. Johnson: I damn thee.

  • Navin Johnson: That Patty must be a sweet girl.

  • Navin Johnson: First I get my name in the phone book and now I'm on your ass. You know, I'll bet more people see that than the phone book.

  • Navin Johnson: The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here!

  • Navin Johnson: Theses cans are defective!

  • Navin Johnson: Speaking to Marie in bed while she sleeps] I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.
    Navin Johnson: [speaking to Marie in bed while she sleeps] I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.

  • Navin Johnson: I was born a poor black child.

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