Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009)
Critic Consensus: Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience should please the brothers' adoring followers, but for non-converts, this concert film is largely flat and unenlightening.
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Critic Reviews for Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience
The songs wash over in waves of such turgid mediocrity that by the end you're praying for it to stop. Thankfully, after 76 minutes, it does - and all is well again.
It's a Pavlovian thing. See swarthy (and shirtless!) teen heartthrob Joe Jonas standing backstage in 3-D: scream.
If you aren't a teenage girl or can't channel your inner groupie for 76 minutes, you have no business at Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience.
Applying criticism to Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience is like trying to lasso a bull with dental floss. It's not going to stop the bull and no one's really going to notice.
It's no mystery that the target audience for this G-rated bubblegum fantasy is tweens, parents of tweens and the occasional pervert. They'll be so pleased. Anything for the rest of humanity? Not so much.
Boy bands serve multiple functions for their audiences. They entertain, they sing the poetry of love, they offer a spectrum of masculine attributes. On the first two counts, the Jonas Brothers movie leaves something to be desired.
Audience Reviews for Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience
Imagine it's Saturday night in February 2009 in California. Not only do you have two weeks off work, but you also got a huge paycheck and a date with your best friend cute sister to the theaters. She chooses an awful movie she wants to watch in 3D and once the movie is over you find your date is asleep. Even to this day this is the most unimpressive 3D movie I've ever seen. They throw fireworks, pigeons, glasses, and other stuff right in your face to the point you just want to take off your glasses. Another thing I really didn't need to see was the Jonas Brothers shirtless in my face. It's no wonder the documentary is clearly scripted since the band is really boring. We learn nothing about them and basically shows them being happy with their money when they're not playing music. We don't even get to see how the concert is even put together or anything on technical sides. The concert itself is by far the worst and most underwhelming thing ever put to filmed. All they do is sing horribly and it's not easy hearing them when their fans won't shut up for a second. Which reminds me, the footage of their fans are crazy, you'll be surprise to see how many people like their music. I even saw guys fainting when they saw the Jonas Brothers, these people need to listen to better music. Now time to talk the music itself, it sucks allot. Most of the Jonas Brothers songs are about girls with poorly written lyrics. The beginning one of their songs starts pointlessly with "I woke up on my roof with my brothers. There's a whale in the pool with my mother. And my dad paints the house different colors", would you believe these lyrics are for song that's about not caring about what people think of you. There songs are simply awful, even their breakup songs are upbeat like they're glad they got their hearts broken. There song "Brunin' Up" was the title of the tour so they save this song for last, which also sucks. Read these lyrics and tell me if this is sounds remotely good "I'm hot, you're cold. You go around like you know. Who I am. But you don't. You've got me on my toes". Pointless is best to describe all their songs. The only time there's any good music are when Demi Lovato and (out of nowhere) Taylor Swift are on stage, but unfortunately the Jonas Brothers have to ruin it when they join in. This was a waste of good money for me. Its completely unnecessary use of 3D, a boring concert, awful songs, boring in general, and plus my date slept through half of it makes this one of the worst documentary ever made by Disney . If you like music in general Stay away from this mess it's not worth your time.
IDK what's worse, their music, their (idiot) fans, or their acting on the movie or that horrible excuse for a show of theirs. I honestly have no idea where to start describing how bad this movie & they are. Let's start with their 'music' (if it's legal to call it that): Music: They killed it. Every time I hear one of their songs, I feel like I wanna jab a pen through my ears so it could stop. Hearing someone's nails scrape a chalkboard is more pleasing & beautiful than their music. I'd rather listen to some of the shit songs "Korn" & "Slipknot" have sang than to ever make my ears suffer another one of their 'songs'. Instrumental: They can't play anything. Whenever you hear a 'Jonas guitar solo', you're actually hearing only 2 or 3 strings being strummed. A real guitar solo strums almost every string in existence. Vocal: When they sing, they sound as if they had an orange stuck in their throats while getting anally raped in the ass. Especially Nick. I mean, my choir teacher said that even her duck has a better voice than Nick. Lyrics: All unoriginal & badly done. We've all heard it before, from N'Sync, & The BackStreet Boys back then. Their lyrics & songs are all unoriginal & stolen from other bands. They wrote a song in only 15 minutes..........WTF is that?! No amazing & real musician takes 15 minutes to write a song. I no longer was able to stand them once I heard them re-sing one of the songs of "The Beatles". I don't like The Beatles much either (I liked John Lennon better on his own), but I respect that band for how amazing they are for music, & when the Jonas Fags re-sang one of their songs, that's where it ended. They must die! I even heard some idiots out there saying that The Jonas Brothers are the new Beatles. NO, I'm sorry, who ever actually thinks that's true, needs to be beaten down by every real artists that has made real music. Talent: They don't have it, at all, completely. If you looked the word "Talentless" up in a dictionary, you'd find their picture in there (in my world that is). Seriously, they are the perfect example of no talent. They are the worst band ever made, & the idea of a movie was just laughable. Anyone who knows & listens to REAL MUSIC knows that their music sucks. Their music is for 10-year-olds! There are people at my school who are over 13 who like these guys! I've even seen adults, married, & in their 30s love these guys! C'mon! And they wear purity rings. Real rockstars (& that's another thing, they're not rock, they're pop) don't wear purity rings! And to all of you Disney Channel fantards, all of this Jonas Brothers, Selena Gomez, Phinease & Ferb, &/or anything else else on Disney Channel is nothing but SHIT DISNEY. Go listen to & watch some REAL DISNEY! Go watch &/or listen to some Mulan, Pocahontas, Cinderella, Tangled, The Princess & the Frog, Aladdin, Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs, Beauty & the Beast, The Lion King, Alice in Wonderland, The Little Mermaid, & even The Black Cauldron! Or every other Disney Animated movie! All of those previously mentioned are GOOD Disney songs, GOOD Disney stuff, & REAL Disney in general! If Walt Disney were alive today, he'd be ashamed of what has happened to his company. And I love how they all say we're jealous, have no life, we're old hags, ugly whores & so on. The best part is, it's wall hilarious. Sorry, but no one is jealous of untalented, mediocre artists who couldn't sing even if their lives depended on it. If I'm going to be jealous of someone, I'm going to be jealous of someone who has TALENT. Then comes the whole "have no life" part, it's all quite the contrary. Who has more a life, the fantards who search anti-Jonas or Anti-Disney Channel videos & goes by putting incoherently written, misspelled, & badly grammared sentences or people who know what good music & Disney is who post the facts the fantards can't handle? As for the whole 'old hags' part; yeah, I'm almost laughing my ass off. We're old hags because we like the old & REAL Disney? And finally, the whole, "ugly whores", that insult fails on it's own. Now, onto the movie: Do I have to really explain to you how bad the movie in general is? Camp Rock was enough torture, but this movie....I'm sorry..but I just. Why did I go watch this shit if I hated them in the first place you might be asking yourself? Well, because my friend's little sister wanted to go watch it, & he BEGGED me, ON HIS KNEES, to go watch it with him because he didn't want to be suffering alone in there; hell he even asked me to bring my damn walkman (during that year I never owned my iPod) so he & I could listen to something GOOD while we waited for the movie to end! His own sister got pissed off at him for not watching the movie or listening to it. I swear as I listened to my walkman with my buddy, I saw two children walk out on the movie, after their own mother TRIED to persuade them into staying because apparently she didn't want to make her 3 $10 tickets lose their worth. And surprisingly, she sat though the whole thing. But I swear, I'm not kidding when I tell you that she almost projectile vomited onto others a few minutes before it was ending, I know, i heard her gross sounds she made. But I don't blame her, I feel like vomiting as well listening to their songs. Final summation, this movie lacks anything close of a musical substance, & is only meant for the idiot fans of the band who wet their panties over them. I'd say doing drugs or even having someone projectile vomit on you is ten times better than this. hell, you can do drugs, cocaine, drink, & anything else that screws up your life is better than watching this cliche, poorly done shit of a movie.
Okay, so this concert movie was certainly not the worst moviegoing experience this reviewer has had recently (that distinction belongs to a 6 foot 5 inch man dressed unconvincingly as a woman). Thanks to the 1 hour and 15 minute running time, he could even say that he was entertained for a generous portion of the program. The best that can be said about The 3D Concert Experience is that it gives non-fans a front-row seat to the modern equivalent of Beatlemania (and no, this does invite further Beatles references—some things are, after all, sacred). But such movies are only as good as their music—-and for Jonas devotees, this cinematic event must have been a loo-loo. For others though, there are enough theatrics to fleetingly catch – though certainly not captivate – moviegoers’ attention. Tailor-made for the tween-aged Disney audience, however, the movie is nothing more than a glorified music video with a dubious 3-D tie-in. In Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience, a G-rated documentary, the Jonas Brothers’ 2008 ‘Burning Up’ concert tour is chronicled…in three dimensions. The movie begins with a staged ‘bit,’ which stands out as one of the movie’s chief weak points. Concert movies work best when the audience is also given an all-access (excuse the expression) behind-the-music P.O.V. Even when the Jonas Brothers are seen clowning-—sadly, it seems that they are very aware of the camera. Still, they put on a hell of a show as do the guest artists…only the 3-D parts are few and far between. Bottom line: 4-Fans.
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