Last Templar Reviews
At the very start of the mini-series, I just new I was not going to like it. While there's an exposition of ancient Vatican artifacts being held in the middle of New York City, four men fully dressed in medieval Templar outfits are riding their horses through the metropolis, somehow not being stopped by police officers. Then they ride inside the exposition area after first decapitating a guard, steal a whole bunch of artifacts and ride off into the night.
The only valid reason I could think of why these guys would wear such an anachronistic outfit to go rob an exposition was if they were actual Templars in their authentic outfits who traveled through time, but this just wasn't that kind of story. The more I hoped for an alternative explanation, the more I got disappointed when it turned out they never even cared to offer one. We were told that one of the artifacts was a Templar artifact and one of the robbers was an expert on Templar history, but that's really all the clues we get on why the robbers came up with the ludicrous idea to use horses and medieval outfits. Did they really expect that anyone with more than two brain cells would find it remotely plausible that four men dressed as Templars and riding on horses rob an exposition of ancient artifacts in the center of New York City?! But let's not stop here. The Indiana Jane of our story (Mira Sorvino, why are do doing this?) runs after the robbers in her cocktail dress and high heels, steals a police horse and ancient pope staff in the process, continues to follow the robbers and then manages to knock one of them out in some park (Central Park?). After being arrested when taking an artifact from the knocked out robber, she's nearly instantly believed by the FBI agent that's put on the case who decides to let her go.
This pretty much sets the tone for the rest of the mini-series and the plot never becomes any more credible than in the first few scenes I just described. The foreign locations are hilariously unauthentic, the Templar mythology is childish, the events taking place are too contrived to take seriously and the main characters seem to make all the right decisions while at the same time coming off as incredibly naive. Besides our Indiana Jane's (actually it's Tess Chaykin, but I prefer to call her Indiana Jane) little daughter, none of the important characters seemed remotely believable in what they said or did. I suspect this indicates the mental age of the people involved.
While these are already more than enough reasons to think of this as a horrible mini-series, what offset me most was the way they decided to end it. The last part of the mini-series was not only incredibly boring, when something actually happened it was an insult to rationality and an ode to ignorance. Somehow our always rational archaeologist who had put most of her life in service for the search for historical truth and accuracy suddenly became a Christian after being cared for by a religious hermit on some remote Greek island (who for some reason spoke perfect English) and noticing the apparent harmony of the local community. Somehow she must have figured that it was Christianity that made these people so kind and caring and that if she wanted to be just as kind and caring she had to become a Christian. The logical fallacies involved here are just staggering. She ignores the fact that being kind and caring is unrelated to whatever mythology you believe in and that there are Buddhists, Hindus, Wiccans, Asatruar, Shintoists as well as atheists that are just as kind and caring. She ignores the fact that the Catholic Church was involved in mass murder for a significant part of its history and that there was a cardinal having people murdered in order to stop her own quest. She ignores the fact that faith in a primitive anthropomorphic personal deity goes against everything she's ever stood for. etc.
What's even more shocking, is that she somehow decides to throw away the gospel of Jeshuah because she apparently thinks it's better it's not known to the world. I guess she didn't want to lose her new-found beliefs if scientific research proved the document to be authentic, but that's pretty much as unscientific as it goes. Not only does this go against everything she's ever stood for, it is probably the worst thing an archaeologist could possible do from a scientific perspective. In fact, it's so anti-scientific and pro-ignorance it's pretty much in line with the attitude of the Spanish inquisition during the days of Galileo, Keppler, Copernicus and Newton... as well the murdering cardinal from the same mini-series.
"The Last Templar" is a totally unnecessary waste of film that lasts too long to enjoy for its cheesiness and that's too ignorant not to get angry if you have more than two brain cells. Aaargh !
Although I enjoy archaeological movies - especially about the Templars, this one is really hokey. So many impossible coincidences -- and relic hunter, Mira Sorvino just doesn't feel like a female Indiana Jones to me.
female indiana jones :)