Legally Blonde - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

Legally Blonde Quotes

  • Professor Stromwell: If you're going to let one stupid prick ruin your life, you're not the girl I thought you were.


  • Brooke Taylor Windham: You're an angel.
    Elle Woods: So how are you? Are you all right? You look so... orange.
    Elle Woods: So how are you? Are you all right? You look so orange.
    Brooke Taylor Windham: I'm just glad that it's you and not Callahan
    Elle Woods: He means well. He's very brilliant.
    Brooke Taylor Windham: He better be, for what I'm paying for him.


  • Elle Woods: Is that low-viscosity rayon? With a half-loop top stitching on the hem?
    Boutique Saleswoman: Of course. It's one of a kind.
    Elle Woods: It's impossible to use a half-loop stitching on low-viscosity rayon. It would snag the fabric. And you didn't just get it in - I saw it in the June Vogue a year ago. So if you're trying to sell it to me for full price, you've picked the wrong girl.


  • Elle Woods: That's great, Paulette. Is that the only interaction you two have ever had?
    Paulette Bonafonte: No! Sometimes I say "okay" instead of "fine."
    Paulette Bonafonte: No! Sometimes I say 'okay' instead of 'fine.'


  • Elle Woods: I don't need back-ups. I'm going to Harvard.
    CULA Advisor: Well then, you'll need excellent recommendations from your professors.
    Elle Woods: Okay.
    CULA Advisor: And a heck of an admissions essay.
    Elle Woods: Right.
    CULA Advisor: And at least a 175 on your LSATs.
    Elle Woods: I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me, I can handle anything.


  • Elle Woods: Excuse me. [turns around and slaps David] Why didn't you call me? We spent a beautiful night together and I haven't heard from you since.
    Dorky David: [pause] I'm sorry?
    Elle Woods: Sorry for what? For breaking my heart, or for giving me the greatest pleasure I've ever known and just taking it away?
    Dorky David: Both?
    Elle Woods: Well, forget it. I've spent too much time crying over you.
    Freshman Girl: [after Elle has walked off] So, when did you wanna go out?


  • Elle Woods: This is what I need to become.
    Old Lady at Manicurist: What? Practically deformed?
    Elle Woods: No, a law student.


  • Elle Woods: Warner, what kind of shoes are these?
    Warner Huntington III: Umm... black ones.


  • Elle's Mother: Honey, you were First Runner-Up at the "Miss Hawaiian Tropics" contest. Why are you going to throw that all away?
    Elle Woods: Going to Harvard is the only way I'm going to get the love of my life back.
    Elle's Father: Oh, sweetheart, you don't need law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those things.


  • Elle Woods: Did you see him? He's probably still scratching his head.
    Paulette Bonafonte: Yeah, which must be a nice vacation for his balls.


  • Elle Woods: I just don't think that Brooke could've done this. Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't.


  • Warner Huntington III: [sees Elle in her Bunny costume] Hey well don't you look like a walking felony.
    Elle Woods: Thanks, you're so sweet.


  • Warner Huntington III: How was your first class?
    Elle Woods: Oh, it was okay, except for this horrible preppy girl who tried to make me look bad in front of the professor, but no biggie.


  • Vivian Kensington: Nice outfit.
    Elle Woods: Oh, I like your outfit too, except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.


  • Paulette Bonafonte: [to her ex-husband] I'm takin' the dog... DUMBASS!


  • Warner Huntington III: You got into Harvard Law?
    Elle Woods: What? Like, it's hard?


  • Elle Woods: Here it is!
    Professor Callahan: It's pink...
    Elle Woods: Oh! And it's scented! I think it gives it a little something extra, don't you think? Ok, well, see you next class!


  • Elle Woods: Hi. I'm Elle Woods and this is Bruiser Woods. We're both Gemini vegetarians.


  • Warner Huntington III: If I want to be a Senator, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn.


  • Elle Woods: You're breaking up with me because I'm too... blonde?
    Warner Huntington III: Well, no. That's not entirely true...
    Elle Woods: Then what? My boobs are too big?


  • Elle Woods: [Elle is cross-examining Chutney Windham] Ms. Windham, what had you done earlier that day?
    Chutney: I got up. Got a latte. Went to the gym. Got a perm and came home.
    Elle Woods: Where you got in the shower?
    Marina R. Bickford: I believe the witness has made it clear that she was in the shower. [Courtroom audience laughs]
    Elle Woods: Yes, your Honor.
    Elle Woods: [a sudden brainstorm comes over Elle] Ms. Windham, had you ever gotten a perm before?
    Chutney: Yes.
    Chutney: Two a year since I was 12. You do the math.
    Elle Woods: You know, a girl in my sorority, Tracy Marcinco got a perm once. We all tried to talk her out of it. Curls weren't a good look for her. She didn't have your bone structure, but thankfully that same day she entered the Pheta Delta Phi wet t-shirt contest where she was completely hosed to down from head to toe...
    DA Joyce Rafferty: Objection, why is this relevant?
    Elle Woods: I have a point, I promise.
    Marina R. Bickford: Then make it.
    Elle Woods: Chutney, why is it Tracy Marcinco's curls were ruined when she got hosed down?
    Chutney: Because they got wet.
    Elle Woods: Exactly. Because isn't the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you're forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the immonium thygocolate?
    Elle Woods: And wouldn't somebody who had, say, 30 perms before in their life be well aware of this rule, and if in fact you weren't washing your hair as I suspect you weren't because your curls are still intact, wouldn't you have heard the gunshot, and if in fact you had heard the gunshot Brooke Windham wouldn't have had time to hide the gun before you got downstairs. Which means you would have had to found Brooke Windham with a gun in her hand to make your story plausible, isn't that right?
    Chutney: She's my age! Did she tell you that? How would you feel if your father married someone who was your age?
    Elle Woods: You, however, Chutney had time to hide the gun after you shot your father.
    Chutney: [Chutney is in tears] I didn't mean to shoot him! [points at Brooke] I thought it was YOU walking through the door! [Courtroom audience gasps]
    Elle Woods: Oh my God.
    Marina R. Bickford: Oh my God.
    Brooke Taylor Windham: Oh my God.
    Marina R. Bickford: Balliff, take the witness into custody, where she will be charged for the murder of Joseph Windham. Case dismissed. Mrs. Windham, you're free to go.
    Brooke Taylor Windham: Thank you, your honor.


  • Elle Woods: [some guy does the whee whoo wistle] I object!


  • Elle Woods: Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed!


  • Elle Woods: Just bend and--snap!


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