Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels Quotes

The top Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels quotes selected by the Rotten Tomatoes community. Login to submit a quote!

  • Soap: You're not funny, Tom. You're fat, and look as though you should be, but you're not!
    ‐ Submitted by JustBe G (2 years ago)

  • Eddy: You could choke a dozen donkeys on that! And you're haggling over one hundred pound? What d'you do when you're not buying stereos Nick? Finance revolutions?
    ‐ Submitted by Dakota P (2 years ago)

  • Eddy: The entire British Empire was built on cups of tea. And if you think I'm going to war without one, you're mistaken.
    ‐ Submitted by Frances H (2 years ago)

  • Soap: Guns for show, knives for a pro.
    ‐ Submitted by Frances H (2 years ago)

  • Big Chris: It's been emotional.
    ‐ Submitted by Kevin C (3 years ago)

  • Rory Breaker: If the milk turns out to be sour, I ain't the kind of pussy to drink it. You know what I mean, Nick?
    ‐ Submitted by Miles G (4 years ago)

  • Bacon: Right. Let's sort the buyers from the spyers, the needy from the greedy, and those who trust me from the ones who don't, because if you can't see value here today, you're not up here shopping. You're up here shoplifting. You see these goods? Never seen daylight, moonlight, Israelite. Fanny by the gaslight. Take a bag, c'mon take a bag. I took a bag home last night. Cost me a lot more than ten pound, I can tell you. Anyone like jewelry? Look at that one there. Handmade in Italy, hand-stolen in Stepney. It's as long as my arm. I wish it was as long as something else. Don't think because these boxes are sealed up, they're empty. The only man who sells empty boxes is the undertaker, and by the look of some of you lot today, I'd make more money with me measuring tape. Here, one price. Ten pound.
    Eddy: Did you say ten pound?
    Bacon: Are you deaf?
    Eddy: That's a bargain. I'll take one.
    Bacon: Squeeze in if you can. Left leg, right leg, your body will follow. They call it walking. You want one as well, darling? You do? That's it. They're waking up. Treat the wife. Treat somebody else's wife. It's a lot more fun if you don't get caught. Hold on. You want one as well? Okay, darling, show me a bit of life then. It's no good standing out there like one o'clock half-struck. Buy them, you better buy them. These are not stolen, they just haven't been paid for, and we can't get them again. They've changed the bloody locks. Here. One for you. It's no good coming back later when I've sold out. 'Too late, too late' will be the cry when the man with the bargains has passed you by. If you got no money on you now, you'll be crying tears as big as October cabbages.
    Eddy: Bacon, cozzers!
    Bacon: Shit.
    ‐ Submitted by Andrew G (4 years ago)

  • Bacon: Harry didn't think that he did a very good job, so he grabbed the nearest thing to hand, which just so happened to be a 15 inch black rubber cock, and proceeded to beat poor old Smithy to death with. And that was seen as a nice way to go. Now, that, is why you pay Hatchet Harry, when you owe.
    ‐ Submitted by Andrew G (4 years ago)

  • Tom: It's a deal, it's a steal. It's the sale of the fucking century. In fact, fucking, Nick, I think I'll keep it.
    ‐ Submitted by Julianna S (4 years ago)

  • Rory Breaker: If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think you're bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything, I'll kill ya. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now, do you understand everything I've just said? 'Cause if you don't, I'll kill ya!
    ‐ Submitted by Yury M (5 years ago)

  • Eddy: What I do know is there's no more Harry. Which means there's no more debt.
    ‐ Submitted by Yury M (5 years ago)

  • Eddy: They're armed.
    Soap: What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what?
    Eddy: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!
    ‐ Submitted by Anastasia B (5 years ago)

  • Soap: A minute ago this was the safest job in the world. Now it's turning into a bad day in Bosnia.
    ‐ Submitted by Anastasia B (5 years ago)

  • Rory Breaker: If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think you're bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything, I'll kill ya. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now, do you understand everything I've just said? 'Cause if you don't, I'll kill ya!
    ‐ Submitted by Sharath K (5 years ago)

  • Plank: Ah! They fucking shot me!
    Dog: Well, fucking shoot 'em back!
    ‐ Submitted by Chris P (5 years ago)

  • Rory Breaker: If the milk turns out to be sour, I ain't the kinda pussy to drink it.
    ‐ Submitted by Chris P (5 years ago)