Love and Death - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

Love and Death Quotes

  • Boris: If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.


  • Countess Alexandrovna: You're the greatest lover I've ever had.
    Boris: I practice a lot when I'm alone.


  • Boris: There are worse things in life than death. If you've ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman you know what I mean.


  • Boris: The key here, I think, is not to think of death as an end. But to think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.


  • Boris: Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences pass, it is one of the best.


  • Sonia: To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.


  • Boris: The question is: have I learned anything about life? Only that... only that human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun. The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there IS a God, I don't think that He's evil. I think that the worst you can say about Him is that, basically, He's an underachiever. After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death. I mean, if you've ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know exactly what I mean. The key here, I think, is to... to not think of death as an end, but think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses. Regarding love, heh, you know, what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that count. It's the quality. On the other hand, if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it. Well, that's about it for me folks. Goodbye.


  • Sonia: (Sonia's despised husband--played by Allen-- tenderly yet erotically touches her shoulder when they are in bed at home late at night.) Sonia: Not here,
    Sonia: [Sonia's despised husband--played by Allen-- tenderly yet erotically touches her shoulder when they are in bed at home late at night] Not here.


  • Napoleon: How much of your feelings for me are because I rule half of Europe?
    Sonia: Oh, I'd say half my feelings. It evens out.


  • Sonia: I guess you could say I'm half saint, half whore.


  • Boris: Nothingness... non-existence... black emptiness...
    Boris: Nothingness. Non-existence. Black emptiness.
    Sonia: What did you say?
    Boris: Oh, I was just planning my future.


  • Sonia: He kissed me.
    Boris: Any place I should know about?
    Sonia: He warmed the cockles of my heart.
    Boris: That's just great. Nothing like hot cockles.


  • Sonia: To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.


  • Sonia: There are many different kinds of love, Boris. There's love between a man and a woman; between a mother and son...
    Sonia: There are many different kinds of love, Boris. There's love between a man and a woman; between a mother and son.
    Boris: Two women. Let's not forget my favorite.


  • Napoleon: I heard you speaking to someone.
    Sonia: Oh, I was praying.
    Napoleon: But I heard two voices.
    Sonia: Well, I do both parts.


  • Boris: I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves.
    Boris: I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If he was a carpenter, I wondered what he charged for bookshelves.


  • Natasha: I never want to marry, I just want to get divorced.


  • Countess Alexandrovna: You are the greatest lover I've ever had.
    Boris: Well, I practice a lot when I'm alone.


  • Boris: I've got a perfect build for clothes - I'm a twenty-eight dwarf.
    Boris: I got a perfect build for clothes. I'm a twenty-eight dwarf.


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