MacGruber - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

MacGruber Quotes

  • Vicki: Wait.... Im a virgin
    Vicki: Wait, I'm a virgin.
    MacGruber: Shhhhhh...... not for long
    MacGruber: Shhhhhh... not for long.


  • MacGruber: I'm gonna cut your dick off
    MacGruber: Cause after I disarm this nuke, I'm gonna cut off your dick and...


  • MacGruber: Well I bet you wish your nose was a dick...so you could use it fuck butts!


  • Cunth: I was talking to the missile.


  • MacGruber: Well, then, if you'll excuse me, it's time to go pound some Cunth.


  • MacGruber: Well they were fucking great guys, and it's a fucking asshole of a day.


  • MacGruber: You walk around like your shit dont stink. Well I've got news for you, your shit does stink (Sniffs) It stinks like shit!
    MacGruber: You walk around like your shit dont stink. Well I've got news for you, your shit does stink [sniffs] It stinks like shit!


  • MacGruber: So what's going on??
    MacGruber: So what's going on?
    Vicki: Well it looks as if that handsome guy has some kind of tie to Cunth's men.
    MacGruber: You think he's handsome do you?
    Vicki: Well yeah kind of...
    Cunth: Well why don't you marry him then!! Why don't you quite the case and marry him I'm being serious!
    Cunth: Well why don't you marry him then! Why don't you quite the case and marry him I'm being serious!


  • MacGruber: Allegedly! I do have to say that for legal purposes.


  • Piper: It is imperative Cunth doesn't get his hands on those codes.
    MacGruber: Ok thanks before you said that I thought it would be fine if he got them.


  • MacGruber: I'll suck your dick.


  • MacGruber: But Vicki what about your music...?
    MacGruber: But Vicki what about your music?
    Vicki: (sings) It can wait.....
    Vicki: [sings] It can wait...


  • MacGruber: And no you can't ride in the trunk bud! Cuz the trunk is packed full of 45 pounds worth of homemade C4 explosives that I personally packed with these two ha...(BOOM!!!!!)
    MacGruber: And no you can't ride in the trunk bud! Cuz the trunk is packed full of 45 pounds worth of homemade C4 explosives that I personally packed with these two ha...[explodes]


  • MacGruber: How's your nose, rookie?
    Piper: It's fine. I just banged it into a giant vagina.
    MacGruber: So, my face is a vagina, huh? Well, I bet you wish your nose was a dick... so you could fuck butts.


  • MacGruber: Shut your butt!


  • Vicki: Where have you been?
    MacGruber: Sorry, I just took an upper decker in the master bathroom
    Vicki: Upper decker?
    MacGruber: Yeah it's when you poop in the water tank and not in the bowl. You look great!
    MacGruber: Yeah it's when you poop in the water tank, and not in the bowl. You look great!


  • Colonel Faith: He's clean.
    MacGruber: Yeah, as clean as a pig dick!


  • MacGruber: Awesome! Got another throat rip in!
    Piper: (disturbed) Cool.
    MacGruber: I might go for the Turkey.
    Piper: The "turkey"?
    Piper: The 'turkey'?
    MacGruber: Yeah, its a bowling term for when you get three strikes in a row and I apply that to throat rips.
    Piper: That's sick.
    MacGruber: Maybe, but if rippin' throats gets that warhead back, I'll suck as many dicks as I-- uh ba, rip as many throats as I have to! Did you here that?
    Piper: No
    MacGruber: Ok, good.


  • MacGruber: Time to go pound some Cunth!


  • MacGruber: And then I told her "not for long", and then, we rammed.
    MacGruber: And then I told her 'not for long', and then, we rammed.
    Piper: You what?
    MacGruber: I rammed her. I don't wanna use the F-word because I dont' wanna diminish it's beauty in any way. But it was fucking great and I've never felt that way about a bone-session before.


  • Vicki: Stick it where the sun don't shine, Deiter!
    Cunth: Yeah, and where might that be?
    Vicki: Up your butt? Up your butt-hole.


  • Vicki: "Hi, can I get a small skinny latte"
    Vicki: Hi, can I get a small skinny latte.
    Cunth: Hi, can I get a small skinny latte.
    Vicki: Can I have a small latte.
    MacGruber: "No no no! That's NOT what MacGruber would order, I'm all about the large tazo tea"
    MacGruber: No no no! That's NOT what MacGruber would order, I'm all about the large tazo tea.
    Vicki: No no no! That's NOT what MacGruber would order, I'm all about the large tazo tea.
    MacGruber: Nope no no! MacGruber would never order that, I'm all about the large Tazo tea.
    Vicki: "Oh sorry, could I change that to a large tazo tea"
    Vicki: Oh sorry, could I change that to a large Tazo tea.
    MacGruber: Oh sorry, could I change that to a large Tazo tea.
    Vicki: I'm sorry, could I change that to a large Tazo tea.
    Man in Café: "Yeah sure, anything else?"
    Man in Café: Yeah sure, anything else?
    Vicki: Yeah sure, anything else?
    Man in Café: Sure, anything else?
    MacGruber: "NOOOO"
    MacGruber: NOOOO.
    Man in Café: NOOOO.
    Vicki: NOOOO.
    Vicki: "NO! Sorry"
    Vicki: NO! Sorry.
    MacGruber: NO! Sorry.
    Man in Café: Can I get your name.
    Vicki: MacGruber.


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