Miami Connection Reviews
Essentially, a Tae Kwon Do master leads a group of mediocre Tae Kwon Do enthusiasts who also jam in a god awful synth rock band. No one wears any shirts except for the Female lead singer who dresses like a slightly younger version of Blanche from the Golden Girls crossed with a Nagel painting. Somehow, between the martial arts and the ghastly music, the gang is able to afford rent and tuition at a nearby technical college.
Anyway, at some point their band, Dragon Sound, gets a gig at a Disney-esque nightclub, unseating another band. The other band is, obviously, filled with psychotic rage and attempts a series of brutal beatings and organizes a massive lynch mob which is unsuccessful.
The rival band then enlists the help of a local bearded madman who has connections with some drug-running ninjas who ride motorcycles.
Dragon Sound does a quick set at the nightclub singing saccharin-y atonal nonsense about being friends with ninjas or some such crap and then goes on a visceral killing spree butchering dozens of victims in a blood-soaked orgy of death.
The happy-go-lucky student band ends up racking up a body count that is nothing short of a war crime.. but in the end they all stay friends.
Awesome soundtrack too.
There follows a melee of clumsily choreographed fight scenes, where time and again a villainous biker or ninja will run toward a hero with a raised weapon, only to pause helpfully a foot or two away to give the hero a chance to kick them in the face. No place is safe for Dragon Sound (except I guess the beach, where they go to leer at girls in bikinis). Bikers accost them when they're driving their convertible through a trainyard. When the cops arrive on the scene after the combatants have gone, one cop says "We've got to get these gangs out of central Florida." Stay in northern or southern Florida where you belong, gangsters.
But when Yoko's brother and his henchmen kidnap Dragon Sound's John-Oates-lookalike guitarist, Dragon Sound decides to go on the offensive, beating up the gang and killing Yoko's brother. Yoko is pretty understanding on this score, thankfully. The ninjas, however, are out for blood, and ambush Dragon Sound as the band is on the way to meet the estranged father of one of their members (yes, everyone else in the band seems a little hurt to learn that he's not actually an orphan).
Miami Connection is the sort of film where the entire cast either know karate, don't wear tops, or both. It's also the kind of movie which abuses slo-mo to mask poor choreography and scraps the 180 degree rule in favour of synth-backed experiments with light filters.
The movie is horrendous and hilarious from start to finish, with highlights including a long-lost father subplot, moustachioed white dudes playing stunt doubles for clean-shaven Asians, and a soundtrack to cry for. This is by far one of the best bad movies out there in filmland, and, without spoiling anything, the final shot is a bargain-bin dream. Terrific fun.