New rule of thumb: the funniness of any given comedy will always be inversely proportional to the number of porn stars in the cast. (The opposite is also true, of course: the erotic potency of any given adult movie will be inversely proportional to the number of sexually dysfunctional, ugly-mug comedians in the ensemble.) Keep this in mind while weighing up whether to take a chance on this shoddy, one-joke, would-be cult item, which opens with a Ron Jeremy cameo and somehow manages to go south from there... The joke, if you haven't already spotted it, is that mascots are funny, little people are inherently funny, and that - if you put them together - it will be funny times two, funny squared, funny TO THE MAX. 'Cept - whoda thunk it? - it isn't, and so the filmmakers fall back on cultivating a yahoo aesthetic as potent and as palatable as moonshine: all fart gags and racism that might serve a purpose were one to be returning to the trailer park after a heavy night on the sauce, but would prove simply unacceptable in any other context. Presumably the reason for "Midgets vs. Mascots"' UK theatrical release is the inclusion among the former group of the late Gary Coleman, who here gets items fired into his testes, verbally abused by Jason Mewes, and farted on while performing cunnilingus on a woman in a toilet cubicle; it's a sad, sad, sad, sad world that chooses this - rather than, say, a properly appointed "Diff'rent Strokes" boxset - as an appropriate way to commemorate his passing.