Mr. Deeds - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

Mr. Deeds Quotes

  • Chuck Cedar: Information is good.. Now will you please stop soaking your ass.


  • Longfellow Deeds: I got wicked bad frost bite when I was in the scouts. Check it out.


  • Jan: I was a rodeo clown for six years. You're gonna have to step it up a notch, shorty.


  • Longfellow Deeds: You said that you didn't know who I was, and it made me realize... I don't know who I am. So I started working on it, and here's what I've got so far: My name is Babe Bennett. I grew up in Sayasset, Long Island. I have brown eyes and I don't know what my natural hair colour is anymore. When I was in fifth grade, I got a crush on Walter Kronkite, and... and I really did have that Holly Hobby notebook I was telling you about. I love Bruce Springsteen, Allman Roka and Abbott and Costello movies. I don't like liquorice, or my ankles. Most importantly, I know that I messed up real bad, and I'd be willing to spend the rest of my life begging you to give me another chance, because I am so deeply in love with you, and I know that it's definitely that forever kind of love that...
    Longfellow Deeds: You said that you didn't know who I was and it made me realize, I don't know who I am. So I started working on it and here's what I've got so far; My name is Babe Bennett. I grew up in Sayasset, Long Island. I have brown eyes and I don't know what my natural hair color is anymore. When I was in fifth grade, I got a crush on Walter Kronkite and I really did have that Holly Hobby notebook I was telling you about. I love Bruce Springsteen, Allman Roka. and Abbott and Costello movies. I don't like liquorice or my ankles. Most importantly, I know that I messed up real bad and I'd be willing to spend the rest of my life begging you to give me another chance because I am so deeply in love with you and I know that it's definitely that forever kind of love.
    Longfellow Deeds: You're crazy. You have beautiful ankles.


  • Longfellow Deeds: Oh, I get it... You all invited me here so you could look down on me. Well, let me tell you that here you may all laugh at me, but down in Mandrake Falls we would laugh at you all.
    Longfellow Deeds: Oh, I get it.You all invited me here so you could look down on me. Well, let me tell you that here you may all laugh at me, but down in Mandrake Falls we would laugh at you all.


  • Mac McGrath: I feel for you, I do. "Big journalist leaves career for Forrest Gump." I'm really gonna miss you...
    Mac McGrath: I feel for you, I do. "Big journalist leaves career for Forrest Gump." I'm really gonna miss you.


  • Mac McGrath: Well, after this meeting, I'm going down to my limo and head across to my 16-floor mansion to touch my girlfriend's big fake pompoms!
    Mac McGrath: Well, after this meeting I'm going down to my limo and head across to my 16-floor mansion to touch my girlfriend's big fake pompoms!


  • Babe Bennett: He is not a dipstick! He is a kind, sweet-hearted guy who we think is a dipstick because he doesn't have our sense of cynicism and negative that we put into the news to make it sell!


  • Longfellow Deeds: You didn't really fall out of an apple tree, did you?


  • Emilio: I shall expect you at seven tomorrow morning, so that I can change your socks.
    Emilio: I shall expect you at seven tomorrow morning so that I can change your socks.


  • Longfellow Deeds: Don't be nervous, go ahead. Didn't feel it. Isn't that awesome. Oh, yeah, enjoy the force. I know you're starting to like it aren't ya? You sick! You sick! Why would you do that to me? I'm just kidding you, pal.


  • Mac McGrath: Heroic is nice; depraved and insane is better.
    Mac McGrath: Heroic is nice. Depraved and insane is better.


  • Longfellow Deeds: I can't run a company... I can't even run my own life!
    Longfellow Deeds: I can't run a company. I can't even run my own life!


  • Babe Bennett: I'm of Swedish ancestry.
    Longfellow Deeds: Really?
    Babe Bennett: Yes. My grandfather was in ABBA.


  • Emilio: Okay, not fired. But tomorrow morning, you will let me change your socks.


  • Longfellow Deeds: I promise to love you for fifty years more / Even when your bosoms sag down to the floor.
    Longfellow Deeds: I promise to love you for fifty years more. Even when your bosoms sag down to the floor.


  • Longfellow Deeds: How did I get into these pajamas?
    Emilio: I changed you. I was very gentle, sir.


  • Longfellow Deeds: Oh, no. They're gonna know my name is Longfellow.


  • Chuck Cedar: As soon as that moron goes back to Cowpie Falls, you are out of here on your fat, Puerto Rican ass.


  • Jan: Deeds isn't in right now, he's making deliveries 'cause our regular delivery guy called in sick. But you don't look very sick, Murph.
    Murph: Oh, I forgot I was fakin' sick today.
    Murph: You guys played me like a fiddle. Touche!


  • Babe Bennett: I'm calling him around 4. It's when I get off work. Remember, I am Pam Dawson, virgin school nurse from Winchestertonfieldville, Iowa.
    Mac McGrath: Ha ha, that's priceless... YOU a VIRGIN! Ha ha ha!
    Mac McGrath: Ha ha, that's priceless.You a virgin! Ha ha ha!


  • Longfellow Deeds: Ma'am, you were just the victim of a New York City mugger. As I suspected, he was a coward and a weakling, and also wore more cologne than any man should wear.


  • Emilio: Here are some aspirins, Mr. Deeds. They make your head seem smaller.


  • Emilio: Usually, when you are black out drunk you don't dream... or so I read.
    Emilio: Usually when you are black out drunk you don't dream or so I read.


  • Jan: Mrs. Deeds? I don't think that poor boy ever had a date.


  • Emilio: I fear you are underestimating the sneakiness, sir.


  • Jan: I always wanted to be a man!
    Longfellow Deeds: Okay, well I guess that explains a lot...
    Longfellow Deeds: Okay, well I guess that explains a lot.


  • Jan: Where were you kicking? I ain't got no balls, dummy.


  • Longfellow Deeds: So how is the elevator business treating you, Reuben?
    Reuben: Oh, it has its ups and downs.


  • Babe Bennett: Oh, you have got to be shittin' me.


  • Murph: Hey look, Deeds is hanging out with John McEnroe.
    Crazy Eyes: I love The Beach Boys.


  • Longfellow Deeds: Holy shit. Let's get cracking.


  • Crazy Eyes: Time heals all things...except these crazy eyes.
    Crazy Eyes: Time heals all things. Except these crazy eyes.


  • Longfellow Deeds: Yeah I bet you know what it's like to get all riled up Johnny Mac.


  • Crazy Eyes: I wasn't talking to you, Deeds. I was talking to that squirrel over there.


  • Longfellow Deeds: How you doin', pal? I got your pizza for you, just the way you like it.
    Crazy Eyes: Oh, yes. French Fries and Oreos, you know me all too well, Deeds.


  • Longfellow Deeds: It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.


  • Longfellow Deeds: Bu-bu-bu-bu-bullshit!


  • Jan: I'm sorry? All I heard was, "blah blah blah, I'm a dirty tramp."
    Jan: I'm sorry? All I heard was, "Blah blah blah, I'm a dirty tramp".


  • Jan: I know who you are. Wham-Bam Dawson, a.k.a. Little Miss Slut-slut.


  • Emilio: The hideousness of that foot will haunt my dreams forever.


  • Emilio: I am very very sneaky, sir.
    Emilio: I am very, very sneaky sir.


  • Crazy Eyes: I watch the stock market channel all the time - I just watch because I suspect that anchor man of being an evil leprechaun... he can bullshit everybody else, but he ain't fooling me.
    Crazy Eyes: I watch the stock market channel all the time. I just watch because I suspect that anchor man of being an evil leprechaun. He can bullshit everybody else, but he ain't fooling me.


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