And what's up with the Murdercycle sounding alot like the monsters from original Doom game?
Yes there is a motorcycle with lazers that's going around killing people but, that's not all. We have aliens, the CIA, psychics, soldiers, secret bases, explosions, and even a double cross or two. Hmmmmm ok maybe this is exactly what I should have been expecting from Full Moon. My biggest problem was I expected more murder from the murder cycle and it just didn't deliver. I think it did more slow motion than it did attacking and that just didn't seem right.
I will admit to not being able to predict the whole story but there was enough camp and predictability to make it fit more into the norm for Full Moon rather than the gems.
Ah low budget movie making... what will you deliver next?
Murdercycle doesn't take place in the future. Nor does it take place in the early days of a post-apocalyptic world. No, the film takes place in what appears to be an abandoned cowboy theme park. The film attempts to convince us that this is the site of a top-secret military base, but to no avail. It was hard to believe that the secret underground facility that is beneath this location was impossible to get into, since one entry way into it is just a wooden structure (that I don't even think was locked). I know this is a limited budget film, but it is one that tried too hard rather than letting its limitations work in its favor.
The actual Murdercycle is pretty lame. On the cover it kind of looks cool, but the more you look at it the more you realize it's just a dirt bike with some garbage attached to it. And it isn't a very menacing creation either. At one point it shoots a man with a laser gun, which barely weakens him, but that same laser gun hits the side of a van and the thing goes up like the Forth of July. And why the hell would the Murdercycle rider make dinosaur-like roars at times?
The acting in the film is just atrocious, and none of the characters are remotely believable. The story they are put in is never interesting either, making the film's short run feel like a lifetime. Top it off with some poor direction and a cheesy score, and you have one heck of an awful time. Every so often a film from Full Moon will alter my opinion of what I consider to be the worst effort they've done. Murdercycle may very well be on its way to the top of the list of Full Moon's worst.
Honestly I don't know where to begin. I guess I'll just give you a run down of the simple yet effective plot. A meteor falls from the sky over a secret military installation. A nearby dirt bike dude rides over to the fallen meteorite which attacks him and turns him into the Murdercycle! It's one of the best 4 minute introductions I've ever seen. From there the Murdercycle, well, murders people. It starts with the CIA operative who WAS protecting the secret base but it soon attacks more people when a team of rejects is sent in to investigate. Cut off from the outside world they must neutralize the Murdercycle on their own. The only problem is that none of their weapons work, it's like trying to kill Robocop with an airsoft gun. The Murdercycle however has freak'n lasers and mini energy bombs he can shoot. So you tell me who wins. THE MURDERCYCLE! Add a telepath, a greenhorn marine, a washed up Marine Sergent, and a CIA operative called Wood into the mix and you've got yourself a B movie to remember.
For some reason the Murdercycle helmet produces a pixelated red filter effect which is like every other creature movie you've ever seen. Normally this sort of contrivance is annoying but for some reason it's funny in Murdercycle. Mainly because if that was actually what you were seeing you would pretty much have no chance to ride the bike much less kill anyone.
The telepath steals the show in my opinion. Every time the Sergent needs to know something he just looks over at her and she tries to mind rape the info out of the person's head. Speaking of mind rape there actually is a scene where someone fights back and tries to rape her in her mind! It's our tax dollars in action.
I don't know why but in the little observation shack that sits on top of the secret military base there is, what I like to refer to as, an "Oh Shit! Calamity Box." You know, the thing that has everything you need just when you need it. Man it's a good thing that box was there or else you'd be screwed! It's so deliberately placed that you can't help but laugh.
OH I definitely have to tell you about this. So there is this scene where one of the Marines is on a second floor balcony with his automatic rifle pointed at the street waiting for the Murdercycle to show up. The Sergent dude asks him to fire so what does he do? HE ASKS THE TELEPATH CHICK TO REACH INTO HIS PACK AND PULL OUT SOME AMMO! WTF dude? You're telling me that you're just sitting in position with an empty clip and it never occurred to you to reload? That's bad enough but you ask a civilian to reach into your pack and get the ammo for you? Why not have it easily accessible? THIS IS COMBAT! What a tard.
The end of this movie goes a bit overboard both in terms of the progression of the story and the not so special effects. So in the last 2 minutes of the movie the Murdercycle starts talking? Where was that this whole time? Also, when you're watching these people run around in the underground base you can't help but question how the government was able to build it directly under wetlands, a pond, and other low lying areas! By the end of the movie I had come up with about 25 ways the Murdercycle could've accomplished his mission without dying but I guess being a possessed alien dirt bike killing machine dumbs down the reasoning abilities of your brain. What was the easiest way? Use a crowbar on the door to the underground base, break the glass that the orb thingy sits it, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Here are some of my favorite quotes from Murdercycle.
Marine - "2nd psych?"
Telepath - "Telepathic and psionic research." (her description for what 2nd psych is)
Marine - "Yeeesh, mind reader."
Sergent - "Three words. C I A" (uh those are letters sir)
The Dr.'s description of the Murdercylce's thoughts.
Telepath - "This is wild. It's ... I can't make sense of it. It's like I'm hearing a foreign language but backwards. But there's some English in it. Like ... two voices in one head."
Sergent - "Mouth shut eyes open. Frazetta, North East corner. Buscema, South West edge. Tell me what you hear."
Telepath - "I'm not sure. It's like a chattering static."
Sergent - "Can you give us a direction?"
Telepath - "No ... KIRBY!" (the Murdercycle attacks)
Later on she goes into more detail when describing the experience to Wood.
Telepath - "I heard something I've never heard before."
Wood - "Why don't you just tell us what you heard?"
Telepath - "Something loud. Like two voices ... running together. One human ... one ... I dunno."
Buscema - "Shit. Biker from hell."
Ditko - "You know. This area used to be a good place to live before those E.T. mothers came in and burned every living soul. They really messed up this place somethin' fierce. I got this (shows a scar) trying to save my grand daddy but I wasn't able to. At first I thought it was some military operation you know trying to protect their little secret base. But now I know. It was a full on close encounter of the totally ... lethal kind."
Wood - "Kirby we got work to do are you going to listen to this head case?
Sergent - "Quiet a second. Secret base? You mean agent Coletta's shack?"
Ditko - "No sir I ... Agent Coletta? CIA, now it all makes sense I shoulda known."
Sergent - "What secret base?"
Ditko - "My dad and me we saw them in the middle of the night. 23 trucks full of cement. The fences were already up by then I just figured it was some top secret eeebbbyyy geebbbyyy operation."
Wood - "Alright that's it, Kirby place this man under arrest."
Sergent - "Mr. Wood, if anybody's gonna be placed under arrest it's you."
Ditko - Yah you spook! Mr. Secret Agent Man! With your FREAK'N CIA ISSUE SHOES!"
They find a meteor.
Sergent - "A meteor?"
Ditko - "Hell no man. This is ground zero for the invasion. Who do you think is rid'n that chopper? It ain't Peter freak'n Fonda this is Mr. Saturn come to kick us in our ass! Don't you know anything?"
What did I learn from watching Murdercycle?
1. Murdercycles growl.
2. If you have a huge secret to protect don't leave it up to one guy, a broken down shack, a surveillance system, and a delivery truck.
3. Space meteors can turn you and your dirt bike into seriously effective killing machines.
4. In the distant future of 1997 there were telepaths.
5. The helmet of the Murdercycle provides some of the worst vision imaginable.
6. The Murdercycle can disappear at will.
7. When you're in combat press the X button and LOAD YOUR WEAPON!
8. Don't put a cheap cellar door on the most important secret base on existence.
9. Space meteors hold the key to unlimited knowledge about the universe.
10. If you're telepathic, be careful who you's mind you read. You're liable to get mind raped.
11. Don't use spoked wagon wheels for cover.
Should you watch this movie? Definitely!
"Murdercycle" is the sort of movie that a 12-year-old boy would get a kick out of--lots of gun play, a little bit of blood, a little bit of strong language, and an alien motorcycle that can turn invisible and that blows the crap out of everything it comes across with laser beams and missiles.
But, for anyone who is a little older, the film is too aimless and too empty of content to be worth your while. And for anyone who is a LOT older, and who happens to have been a fan of Marvel Comics during the 1960s and 1970s, the film is downright annoying because of the way the characters are named.
Every character in the film is named after a top comic book creator, with the two lead characters being named Kirby and Lee after the creators of the Fantastic Four. The oh-so-clever writers make sure that we don't miss this fact by making repeated references to the Fantstic Four comic book series. And then they proceed to use the names at every possible opportunity just to make sure we all get the gag. It's a gag that becomes very, very labored well before this 90-minute picture is over.
Unless you have some young kid you want to watch a sci-fi/action film with, or you're running a Full Moon-oriented blog like me, this is a picture you can skip.
In the beginning, a motorcyclist gets lost and finds himself near a government testing site or something. The purpose of the land is never really explained, but it does have a nice pond and a deserted town. So there's that. Our motorcyclist gets hit by a meteor - he and his motorcycle are transformed into an evil hell-being whose goal is to drive around and murder everybody who is around.
So we are introduced to an elite government team, hand-picked to go in and fight this demon. Of course, it's all a big cover-up, so the operation is not officially happening. The leader of the team is a nearly finished army regular, he's got a couple of soldiers backing him up, and then they've included a doctor and a woman who is telekinetic. "A more accurate term would be psychometry," as she helpfully explains. Alright, let's go kill us some bad guys.
Unfortunately, the biker seems impossible to kill. No amount of bullets will harm him, and our group is merely standing in the way of danger. Still, that's not enough to prevent them from rooting him out and shooting at him again and again with their puny man-made bullets. Dr. Telekinesis keeps seeing things and hearing things and maybe there's a love story brewing. Maybe not. One of the soldiers turns out to be a CIA operative, and there's a big hullabaloo about how he should be guarded in case he tries to hurt anybody.
And then finally, the reason I rented this movie in the first place, Christian film actor David A.R. White arrives. Hoorah! Of course, this is not a Christian film - as evidenced by the murder and continuous use of the word "shit" throughout the movie. White plays a scientist who was working in the test area, doing.. um.. well, something. He actually does a pretty good job stepping out of the plain and pleasant demeanor that he's cultivated in his later work. Here, as a exuberant and geeky scientist, White fits the bill perfectly.
But anyway. The group continues walking around, looking for the biker and narrowly avoiding their own deaths by him. The plot tries to twist, but the attempt is half-hearted and forgettable. The climax, in which they figure out how to destroy the biker (who cares about the human being underneath?), is a horribly lazy conclusion in an already boring project.
Murdercycle is far from a good movie, but aside from a few silly lines and the yawn-worthy visual effects, it doesn't really cross over much into the hilarious as often as I would have liked. The movie is on a much smaller scale than its title and synopsis would have you believe - not much happens beyond people walking around and yelling at each other. Really, it's not good... but it's not anything special.
And what's up with the Murdercycle sounding alot like the monsters from original Doom game?