National Lampoon's Pledge This! Reviews
This movie features a cavalcade of hot girls, some of whom have graced the cover of Maxim. The fact that the cover art had two hot girls and Paris Hilton (who I shall exclude from "hot" because she's not) with midriffs bared and short skirts to boot is what made me think, "Hey. I could go for watching some hot chicks. That, and Paula Garcés is pretty hot alone." Don't think like me. Don't watch this movie.
The movie follows 6 or 7 girls (I didn't stop to count) who would be considered the reject group: the smart girl, the old woman (which was just weird), the foreign exchange girl, the fat girl, the jail girl, the lesbian, DJ/Hip-Hop girl, and probably someone else I'm forgetting who, after a mishap in the dormitories, are forced to find new residence. They try sororities but none of them are a fit. Paris Hilton plays a b*tch who is the leader of one of the "most beautiful sororities in the country" so the equivalent of if Cher from Clueless was running it only without the moral compass that occasionally kicks in. In order to win it, she needs to diversify her group and so the "hilarious" plot driving job of getting these misfits into her group so she can win while treating them like sh*t in the process. Blah blah blah, nothing we haven't seen a hundred times before.
"What makes this different?", you might ask. First off, the plot moves very, very quickly, and not in the good way. More in the way that leaves holes in the road it's traveling on. You find yourself asking, "Wait...what?" far to often and random BS, throwaway characters show up out of nowhere to never be seen again ad nauseum. On top of that, characters switch allegiances at the drop of a hat without a real explanation against the character they're trying to make themselves out to be. If there's a character who is a pushover and used to being the doormat and trained to be so for a while, you can't have him suddenly grow a spine in 2 minutes; that's not how it works. Also, these guys who have been trying to get laid the entire movie (using some of the worst ways possible) get together with some of our heroes in the last 5-10 minutes of the movie just by saying "hi". Bullsh*t! This actually brings me to the ending of the movie.
The ending was also incredibly hokey. Along with the guys getting together with the girls at the end of the movie, there is, for some reason, a cameo of Carmen Electra who starts hitting on one of the idiot guys that have been trying to get laid. Assuming Carmen Electra did walk into a room looking to score, this guy would not be anywhere close to making a "Ooo...that guy's a must" list, looking more like he stepped out of a steam room filled with weed and being about as coherent and intelligent. Back to the plot, after the inevitable fall of Paris Hilton's character, she suddenly (in the last 2 minutes of the movie) apologizes and says something, nothing short of "I wasn't loved as a child". The worst part is that EVERYONE accepts it, they have a group huddle and the voice over (done by Paris where I couldn't figure out if it was her talking or the voice over talking most of the time) talking about how much better it was without her in the limelight. No...no...no...no...and again, no. If she's been made out to be this horrible person the entire movie so much so that everyone in the world turns on her, you can not suddenly have her be this way. While not a plot device, I also have a problem when you force the title of a movie into the dialogue such that the final word uttered by our main protagonist and her new boyfriend is "Hey Victoria...Pledge This!"
Maybe I'm more agitated about the plot because I and my friends are what is normally considered "the outcast group". I'm fine with being there, so I take exception when they're, not so much the underdogs as they are the blight of this Utopian society, as Paris Hilton's character is trying to make with her blonde haired sorority.
However, maybe you're like me and didn't really rent it for the movie plot but more for seeing hot chicks. I don't need nudity for me to enjoy the female body, and the movie does a fine job of letting you see a lot of exposed flesh (I like seeing a midriff. I'm just saying). But let's say you're more into the nudity. There is also a lot of that. Panties always stay on, but shirts and bras have a hard time keeping on their owners. But they have a hard time staying on in on places, like a campus lawn or a classroom. When you have someone rather meekly ask "What should I do?" and given the response "Do your best" in regards to a Sex Ed teacher, the normal response is not rip off shirt and reveal you weren't wearing a bra that day. That's the kind of sh*t that turned me off from watching porn; the complete disregard to reality. So while you'll be okay if you're the kind of person who wants to see some hot girls and some naked play (rarely outside of a threesome or more), but I'll warn you that the first boobs you see is the middle aged woman's who has had significant surgery on them with the scars and marks along with them. Kinda disturbing really.
Before I finish this up, I just want to something that happens halfway through the movie. Paris and her boyfriend are going to get frisky while our hero is under his bed trying to avoid detection. The boyfriend dons a construction worker outfit and uses every bad pun in the world ("I'm gonna screw you", "Time to drill", you get the picture). During this time, Paris is supposed to be having sex with him, but I was distracted during this scene by the fact that she keeps taking the time out to move the sheets. My eyes glued to that point you can see, not once but twice, she still has her panties on. She's spending time on this scene to move the sheets so she can hide it from the camera. Given the fact that she calls him "small dick" through the entire movie, I don't think he's getting the penetration that he wants on this one. Now, I'm not a film expert, but if you saw bright red-orange panties flash up, during a sex scene, against a gray-blue bed sheet...wouldn't you have a retake, or get new sheets, or new clothes, or something?
Anyway, this movie is terrible. Just...save yourself the grief. I wish I could get that 90 minutes back.