National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Quotes

The top National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation quotes selected by the Rotten Tomatoes community. Login to submit a quote!

  • Ellen Griswold: Clark, I think that it would be best for everybody if they all just went home...before things get any worse.
    Clark W. Griswold Jr.: WORSE? How can things get any worse? Take a look around you Ellen! We're at the threshold of Hell!
    ‐ Submitted by Andrew D (3 years ago)

  • Clark W. Griswold Jr.: [as company execs walk by] Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.
    ‐ Submitted by Cody H (3 years ago)

  • Todd Chester: Hey Griswold! Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?
    Clark W. Griswold Jr.: Bend over and I'll show you!
    ‐ Submitted by Cody H (3 years ago)

  • Clark W. Griswold Jr.: Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
    ‐ Submitted by Nik M (3 years ago)

  • Cousin Eddie: [to neighbor] Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!
    ‐ Submitted by Nik M (3 years ago)

  • Uncle Lewis: [to Aunt Bethany] You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.
    ‐ Submitted by Robert K (3 years ago)

  • Cousin Eddie: Shitter was full.
    ‐ Submitted by Allison H (4 years ago)

  • Clark W. Griswold Jr.: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.
    ‐ Submitted by Hal K (4 years ago)

  • Clark W. Griswold Jr.: Later, dudes!
    ‐ Submitted by Vaneay C (4 years ago)

  • Delivery Boy: [pulls knocker off door as Clark opens it] Mr. Clark W. Griswo... I found a letter for you. I was supposed to deliver it yesterday, but it fell between the eats, and I didn't see it. I'm sorry. [Clark takes it] Merry Christmas...
    Clark W. Griswold Jr.: [shuts door in his face] Merry Christmas.
    ‐ Submitted by Vaneay C (4 years ago)

  • Clark W. Griswold Jr.: I bet you like it here, huh?
    Mary: I love it here. You don't gotta put on your coat to go to the bathroom, and your house is always parked in the same place!
    ‐ Submitted by Vaneay C (4 years ago)

  • Clark W. Griswold Jr.: [after the lights won't come on] What is going on here?
    Clark W. Griswold Sr.: You know son, it's probably a bad light. If one doesn't work, the whole thing doesn't work. If I were you, I would personally check each one.
    Clark W. Griswold Jr.: I did that, Dad...
    Clark W. Griswold Sr.: If you need me, give me a holler. I'll be upstairs, asleep.
    Clark W. Griswold Jr.: [to Rusty] Maybe you'd oughta go up there and check-
    Rusty Griswold: [interrupting] Whoa, geez! Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. And brush my teeth, feed the hog, do the laundry, wash the car, still got some homework to do...
    ‐ Submitted by Vaneay C (4 years ago)

  • Cousin Eddie: [after a pause] You serious, Clark?
    ‐ Submitted by Jeff G (4 years ago)

Find More Movie Quotes