National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Quotes

  • Ellen Griswold: Clark, I think that it would be best for everybody if they all just went home...before things get any worse.
    Clark W. Griswold Jr.: WORSE?!?!? How can things get any worse?!?!? Take a look around you Ellen! We're at the threshold of Hell!
    Clark W. Griswold Jr.: WORSE? How can things get any worse? Take a look around you Ellen! We're at the threshold of Hell!


  • Clark W. Griswold Jr.: (As company execs walk by) Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.
    Clark W. Griswold Jr.: [as company execs walk by] Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.


  • Todd Chester: Hey Griswold! Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?
    Clark W. Griswold Jr.: Bend over and I'll show you!


  • Clark W. Griswold Jr.: Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?


  • Cousin Eddie: (to neighbour) Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!
    Cousin Eddie: [to neighbor] Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!


  • Uncle Lewis: To Aunt Bethany: "You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant."
    Uncle Lewis: [to Aunt Bethany] You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.


  • Cousin Eddie: Shitter was full
    Cousin Eddie: Shitter was full.


  • Clark W. Griswold Jr.: "Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse."
    Clark W. Griswold Jr.: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.


  • Clark W. Griswold Jr.: Later, dudes!


  • Delivery Boy: (pulls knocker off door as Clark opens it) Mr. Clark W. Griswo... I found a letter for you. I was supposed to deliver it yesterday, but it fell between the eats, and I didn't see it. I'm sorry. (Clark takes it) Merry Christmas....
    Delivery Boy: [pulls knocker off door as Clark opens it] Mr. Clark W. Griswo... I found a letter for you. I was supposed to deliver it yesterday, but it fell between the eats, and I didn't see it. I'm sorry. [Clark takes it] Merry Christmas...
    Clark W. Griswold Jr.: (shuts door in his face) Merry Christmas.
    Clark W. Griswold Jr.: [shuts door in his face] Merry Christmas.


  • Clark W. Griswold Jr.: I bet you like it here, huh?
    Mary: I love it here. You don't gotta put on your coat to go to the bathroom, and your house is always parked in the same place!


  • Clark W. Griswold Jr.: (after the lights won't come on) What is going on here?!?!!
    Clark W. Griswold Jr.: [after the lights won't come on] What is going on here?
    Clark W. Griswold Sr.: You know son, it's probably a bad light. If one doesn't work, the whole thing doesn't work. If I were you, I would personally check each one.
    Clark W. Griswold Jr.: I did that, Dad...
    Clark W. Griswold Sr.: If you need me, give me a holler. I'll be upstairs, asleep.
    Clark W. Griswold Jr.: (to Rusty) Maybe you'd oughta go up there and check-
    Clark W. Griswold Jr.: [to Rusty] Maybe you'd oughta go up there and check-
    Rusty Griswold: (interrupting) Whoa, geez! Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. And brush my teeth, feed the hog, do the laundry, wash the car, still got some homework to do...
    Rusty Griswold: [interrupting] Whoa, geez! Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. And brush my teeth, feed the hog, do the laundry, wash the car, still got some homework to do...


  • Cousin Eddie: You serious Clark?
    Cousin Eddie: [after a pause] You serious, Clark?


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