Never Too Young to Die - Movie Reviews - Rotten Tomatoes

Never Too Young to Die Reviews

Page 1 of 2
May 30, 2017
For those who've never seen Never Too Young to Die and might be going to see it at some point, let me prepare you a bit. This is the mother of all bad 80's action-oriented movies. Not only that, but it's hilariously good fun. There's no going back after witnessing Gene Simmons as a cross-dressing maniac out to conquer the world by poisoning its water supply. The first line of this movie goes something like "Good evening, my little turdballs". I mean, wow, come on. How can you NOT just sit up and take notice after a line like that? Especially as it's being delivered by Dr. Frank N. Furter. I mean Ragnar. Anyways, it's also fun to watch John Stamos trying to be an action star. The movie is just full of horrible things from top to bottom, and I highly recommend seeing it, especially with your friends. It's not in print, but if you look around a bit, you should be able to find at least a VHS copy of it on Ebay. Trust me on this, it's worth it.
May 24, 2017
i dont care what you say about this movie, Gene Simmons in drag and full-house era john stamos as a super spy was the highlight of my childhood! lol
August 26, 2016
Absolutely brilliant. Half-baked writing, accidentally hilarious editing, ridiculously over-the-top performance from Gene Simmons and his tongue, if you can believe it. Plenty of production ineptitude to mock loudly with friends, but not so depressingly bad that it becomes a chore to watch. I also heard that Vanity dumped Prince to be with John Stamos after this movie, talk about facepalm.
July 15, 2014
You get to see John Stamos bite Gene Simmons on the boob. I do not think I have to say anything else to say how awesome this movie is.
½ April 6, 2014
Secret agent Drew Stargrove (George Lazenby ) is brutally murdered by the ruthless and evil hermaphrodite and criminal genius Velvet Van Ragnar (Gene Simmons) who is out to finish off everybody in L.A. by contaminating the city's water supply. Drew´s son, Lance Stargrove (John Stamos), a high school athlete, is thrust into the dangerous and intriguing world of secret agents and espionage when he seeks revenge against Van Ragnar together with Danja Deerling (Vanity), Drew´s former sidekick...

I saw this movie back in 1987 and I reckon only for the fact that Vanity was in it. "Never Too Young To Die" is such a strange b-action movie and a cross between a classic camp high school comedy and some sort of Bond story with a touch of Mad Max. Gene Simmons is truly over the top as Velvet Van Ragnar, John Stamos was probably just happy doing a movie back then and it kind of pains me to see George Lazenby in this sort of movie. However, the big treat is indeed Vanity. By far the most beautiful woman on the planet back then. The way she moves, talks, how she looks, everything. Not maybe a grade A actress, but good enough in my book. It´s a lifelong crush for sure.
May 22, 2013
So bad its unintentionally funny
October 28, 2012
A young John Stamos vs. hermaphrodite Gene Simmons... perfectly bad in a good way.

2008 Movies: 147
September 4, 2012
i did see part of this once. like the 2nd half. it was so bad it was awesome.
i would get this on blu ray if it was available.
July 18, 2012
Trust me, this is the greatest 80's film you've never seen. It will blow your mind.
½ July 15, 2012
John Stamos is Stargrove! Vanity is... hot! Gene Simmons is... eww, Ragnar! Yeah, it's completely ridiculous, but you just can't help enjoy yourself in this insane James Bond-80s-wannabe. STARGROVE!
½ July 7, 2012
My review of this gem is very much affected by the circumstances under which I watched it (at Cinefamily with a packed theater at midnight). So many things to love about this sub par movie. Cliff, the Asian sidekick who just happens to know exactly what's going on when shit hits the fan. The amazing seduction scene. Apples. Some decently executed action scenes. Gene Simmons as a hermaphrodite hell bent on poisoning the city's water supply. Oh man is he good. Let me be clear: This isn't a good movie. It's a fun movie though. [3.5/5 STARS] [070612]
April 9, 2012
Any movie that ends with John Stamos biting Gene Simmons in the tit is a-ok with me.
November 19, 2011
If only all bad movies were like this...
½ April 15, 2011
Wow. This movie is bonkers... Gene Simmons as a murderous hermaphrodite... just wow. Words fail me.
½ March 11, 2011
It's so bad that it's hilarious.
Super Reviewer
December 3, 2010
One of my favourite bad movies.
November 18, 2010
Let me break down why this movie is fucking awesome: John Stamos plays himself as he tries to stop a power-mad hermaphrodite (Gene Simmons complete with fake tits) from taking over the world. Your going to get mullets galore, ninjas, barbarians, Robert Englund, a sometimes coked up vanity, a really out of place George Lazenby cameo, a plucky Asian side kick and Gene Simmons trying to seduce Stamos with his super creepy special effects hermaphrodite boobs.

So unbelievably bad it comes back on it's self and ends up in citizen kane territory.

Have Mercy!
August 28, 2010
This is the best 1-star movie you'll ever see. It's true value is in offering countless opportunities to mock and ridicule the some of the most astonishingly bad acting ever put to film. It's amazing that John Stamos' career survived; or that Gene Simmons was allowed to continue "acting." Best watched with a group of wise-cracking friends.
½ June 21, 2010
Man I watched this when i was 11 or 12... what a movie :-)
½ February 8, 2010
Gene Simmons in drag runs a post apocalypse band of ruffians that only John Stamos can stop!
Page 1 of 2